I never had much luxury being blue pilled. Some guys get to go their entire lives without a single red pill- never knowing the difference; the ones telling you to be yourself and just talk to girls, bro- and there are some guys who go a long time sucking down blue pills until one day they're caught by a stiff left hook and KTFO.

For me, my first red pill was one month after landing my dream girl in high school.

I still remember the first time our eyes met at her locker. Just eye contact- no kiss- and yet this was probably the sexiest moment of my life:

"It was a December morning, before first period, that our eyes met in front of her locker. In what couldn’t have been planned, at least consciously planned- perhaps, more like the march of the penguins, or a rosebud uncoiling before the relentless morning sun- perhaps, something guided by nature and etched into a plan that wasn’t within our power to modify. Our eyes met, guided by invisible forces so strong that they had almost revealed themselves- a proof for God, had we been more conscious of it in the moment- our eyes met, and hung in the air frozen. No words exchanged. Even a kiss would have spoiled the purity of the moment. We had from our surroundings what was needed, and we could make from it something more."

Any moment subsequent to this was a little bit less than that moment- this was the Platonic form of whatever emotion you want to label it as; the lightheaded, dizzying high of feeling as though someone you're intensely attracted to is equally as attracted to you. In that moment, I would have said YES- I will marry you; YES- I'll start a family with you; YES- right now. The most intense moment of my life, and it was just eye contact.

A month of blue pills, and I finally got slipped a red.

Kevin, a mutual friend of ours, slipped me a note in theology class:

"It was in the cold void of January that Kevin had slipped you the little blue sheet of paper, folded up with your name across the front, during second period Theology. You had nothing to worry about, he said. He wasn’t interested, he explained. He was already dating Michelle- a fact you all knew, but Jessica had still called him the night before, just to be sure."

...and that was it. One note later, and it was tainted. I was her second choice. A red pill I've never forgotten- you're either her first choice, or she's settling...

This is why we lift. This is why we build value. This is why we put ourselves first. This is why we control our emotions. We want to write our own destiny and call our own shots- no delusions, only reality.

My very first red pill... what was yours?

[above excerpts taken from WELCOME TO HELL: killtoparty.com/2021/06/11/welcome-to-hell/]

Guys, I got my start writing on r/TheRedPill and now I am proud to announce the release of my first book! So happy to share with you all... From the Terror House Press release:

Modernity is Hell. It's a sentiment shared by many people, even if they aren't honest enough to admit it. But what is Hell? Hell is the impermanence of identity, the death of authenticity, the absence of love. It's the unsettling nothing you feel as you amble to work and back, numbingly consuming pop culture pleasures, sleepwalking your way through dead-end sexual encounters. Hell is the void, the death of God, the blurring of reality and fantasy, your own consciousness lost in the stew.

Welcome to Hell is a clear-eyed, touching examination of the world we live in. Equal parts memoir, cultural critique, meditation, and lament, "Bad" Billy Pratt's literary debut traces a poignant line through his failed relationships and other life experiences, painting a stark picture of the abyss that we've been condemned to.

BUY WELCOME TO HELL ON AMAZON: t.co/4b8s4w6avc?amp=1

BUY WELCOME TO HELL THROUGH TERROR HOUSE PRESS: terrorhousepress.com/product/welcome-to-hell/

RELEASE WEEKEND ONLY - USE COUPON CODE KILLTOPARTY FOR 20% OFF

Excerpt from ETERNAL SEPTEMBER:

I liked the beach, but I didn’t love it like she did. I’d meet women there for first dates, where we’d find a bench and watch the sunset as the crashing waves create an ambient soundtrack. I can’t spend my days sitting on a beach, it makes me nervous to not use my time productively- a horrible consequence of too much time wasted- but at night I like listening to the stories of women.

Typically divorced, but not always- the ones who were married are usually the more mentally stable- they’ll cite a dead bedroom and an unmotivated husband as their chief concern for initiating the separation. There will usually be a pang of regret over disrupting the lives of their children, and the inconvenience of sharing custody, although this is understood as collateral damage. They had all heard of Tinder and were “excited to try it,” with the initial burst of male interest serving as enthusiastic confirmation that they had made the right decision. You’ll know how long a woman has been on her own by the way she talks about meeting men.

killtoparty.com/2020/09/19/eternal-september/