@aweawea_

Discovered TRP not long ago which helped me improve life situation but still remain very lonely and growing increasingly confused. I had to pay a whore to lose my virginity because i felt like it was a mental block and it only made it worse because it was a really subpar experience and once the rubber came on i felt literally 0 physical pleasure. Idk if its a weird fetish or what but i find most women more attractive while they are dressed, like if she has a nice body and is dressed well and i look at her i feel deep primal urge to want to fuck her but once i start thinking about the actual logistics of it i start losing interest and when i see a naked woman, this feeling is greatly diminished, unless she is very fit.

At this point i start to question how so many people are so obsessed with sex and it feels wrong but i don't feel like women are worth the effort unless it comes naturally to you. I think i rather just be single and focus on my hobbies and ignore women like i've done for all my life now as i don't have a fucking clue how to even make a step towards it anyways and it only inflicts pain. My father has on numerous occassions voiced that he is disappointed because i don't have a girlfriend and he wants grandchildren, thought i don't trouble myself too much with that as i am working at my own pace and my life situation is maybe not improving as fast as it should but i definitely am not ready for that and i'd need to get the opportunity in the first place, which at times feels impossible.

I get complimented on my looks (like my face) by older coworker women often and i also train a lot and have a better body than basically anyone i personally know but that does absolutely nothing when you dont know how to talk to women (but i do it because i love it, not for getting women).

Finding a sexual partner seems so hard and i have to wrap it anyways + as a man it seems you need to put in way more effort which makes it feel more like work and masturbation seems more pleasurable tbh? I've quit porn for 1-3 months before, no problem and i dont watch it that often. Maybe like 1-2 times a week. Half of the time i masturbate without porn. I lack confidence due to lack of experience and feeling inadequate and left too far behind.

Ive cold appeoached into a crash and burn in front of others a few times and it was pretty bad.

Feels like i am just spinning wheels and i am too retarded to understand this shit. Some people were lied to, others were oblivious to it but i think i am actually unsalvageably low social EQ or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Frustrating.

Reads like you're just a guy sorting himself out, who's not interested in a life of hedonism. There's nothing wrong with that. Put in the time to engage with other people and you'll likely find you're not alone. Continue to be friendly with your co-workers, you don't seem to have any negatives to share on that. If you've got hobbies that satisfy you, keep at them.

Remember the state of mind you had, the experience, how you felt after you were serviced by the whore and never forget it. If that doesn't inspire you to make an assessment of your love life with the goal of gradually improving it, nothing will. If your father asks you why you don't have a girlfriend, tell him point blankly, "Because you're not helping," and escalate by pointing out his failures to basically introduce you to women he thinks would be a good fit. Mothers don't seem to have a problem going to the meat market with a photo of their son in their purse, even when it embarrasses their son in absentia. If he is finding women that are at least pleasing to look at, why not ask them out and see what, if anything, happens. Yea, it might seem intrusive, but wimps and women whine and complain, warriors work out solutions to their problems.

Consider investing in a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, also known as the late Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's mirrored on several sites and a podcast. While his media is a bit pricey, it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from, but I would also suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. If you've already found you'd like to read his book, save yourself a search and give this scribed link a gander.

my opinion is that you should look deep into why you are the way you are and why you are putting so much value in some of the things you do

i've been going through a lot of the stages of the red pill realization and internalization myself and have flipped my outlook on things back and fourth many times but it seems in the end i only see more and more of the truths which align with everything thats being said around here

Putting a lot of value in love, caring about "being respected by a woman", unable to let go when you were clearly disrespected...

i have had 1 breakup like that so far and it took like maybe 3-4 months to fully process but that is only because its the first time and future times i will be able to move on like pretty much immediately, i feel like i am past it and see most women as only potential plates to be used for getting rocks off and then continuing to enjoy my hobbies and stuff and not really caring much at all, not even caring if i am "sharing" at times anymore.

I thought i wanted relationships and not just sex for sex or plating but at this point simply the nature of AWALT has changed me into being a lot more ruthless.

And i also think a successful getting over it is when you truly believe that even if she did change her mind and realized you were the best and trying to crawl her way back, you would never accept her and actually completely ignore her, leaving her on seen permanently or even blocking her and never ever engaging with her or feeling like you ever have anything to hear or tell her, not only on logical level but also emotinaly not feeling any attachment anymore.

And not because of hating her but just because of AWALT and maybe even forgiving those poor women for being unable to help it but act according to their nature...

You can still value the things you value but realize that its mostly a blue pilled fantasy false promise and you might never get it but not caring if you do because you will enjoy life anyways, you are just having fun anyways