Not-So-Random Thought:

As a man grows and develops, he may have several dozen people in his life who have helped him become the man he is (or will become).

A teacher or two, a coach, and uncle, brother, cousin, grandfather, friends, a mentor, etc. Of course there are his parents, and that definitely matters - if they’re reasonably good parents.

Decent men are created. And once they leave their homes, the best of them continue to grow. Some go to college, others to trade school, others to the military, and yet others open a business or do manual labor. Whatever his path, he must travel it. Such paths can be super difficult.

So with at least 3 decades of such investment in him, his own efforts and that of those around him, he enters the peak of his life. And it is not uncommon for a man between 27-30 to want to start a family.

So he gets married.

Thus begins his journey as a family man. In addition to his regular work, he may have many other obligations - a Masters Degree, an exam of some sort, a new assignment at work, etc. Add to that the responsibilities of being a father and homeowner.

In addition to all this, he has a wife.

And he comes to realize over time how incredibly powerful she is. Not personally, but in what she can do to him. This is a sort of stress only men in relationships can understand - ESPECIALLY marriage. Women like to talk about “unpaid labor”, well, men have unpaid stress.

Her moods, her bad decisions, wasteful spending, and the countless ways she makes the relationship and family vulnerable to outside forces. This is a MASSIVE amount of stress for a man to carry around. In other words; of all those things in a man's life - the car problems, the kids, work, etc. - his wife can be his largest problem and biggest burden for many (most?) men.

So what? you may ask.

When she files for divorce, and gets a large percentage of your income and wealth, she is stealing your history.

When your income increases, it is very much like an account receivable. You put in the work, but you’ll benefit (get paid) for it later in life. Much like the gym, the results come later. A career is very much like a 401k if you’re doing things right. Put in the work, get raises, income and wealth later.

You were on this track, with much of the work already done - and the work of those who helped - WELL before you even met her.

She did nothing to help you get through 7th grade - your teacher did that for you. She did nothing to train you in the gym - your Dad or coach did. She didn’t teach you one damn thing- your mentors and teachers did. You mom, your friends - ALL of them have some investment in you, whether you want to acknowledge that or not.

So when that woman, your now ex-wife, is sitting in her new house that YOU paid for, and gets “child support” that YOU pay, she is taking the investments from all those other people too. They didn’t help you thinking

“He has worked so hard and I’m so proud of him. I hope that one day he loses half of all that he has worked for since he was a teenager”

No true friend would say or think such a horrible thing.

But your ex-wife is saying exactly that - without saying it.

So the next time you hear of a man paying “half”, just remember that he may have received that paychecks while he was married, but he EARNED it over decades, in addition to the energies, time, patience and hopes and dreams of dozens of other people.

When she leaves you, she will petition to take your life’s work. And The Courts will steal it from you literally at gunpoint, and keep their cut.

Never forget this.

It’s not simple as it is so often framed and this needs to get out there.

Cheers.