@Gyver

Advice: Is a BSDM past a red flag or not a big deal?

Hi everyone,

I’d like some perspective on something that came up in early chats with someone I met on a dating app.

She’s 38, I’m divorced with kids (which I mentioned early as a possible deal breaker). She was open about some personal history too. After moving to another country when the Ukraine war started, she went psychotherapy and “starting a new life.” Through about a year she explored her sexuality, specifically BDSM, which she says she had been curious about since her youth.

According to her, she tried it, satisfied her curiosity, and now isn’t into it anymore. She described it as “living out something I was curious about” and says she’s moved on.

We’re still in the chatting stage and haven’t met yet.

My question is: Is this something that should be considered a red flag or a major reason for concern in terms of a future relationship? Or is it just part of someone’s past and not really relevant if she’s truly moved on?

Would appreciate your thoughts.

Your gut is telling you something's wrong and you rightly didn't ignore it. If you're indeed seeking someone with whom you might be able to form a relationship with, regardless of what this female you're talking about might say to the contrary, it probably won't be her.

However, that's putting the chicken before the egg as you've only interacted by means of chat. Regardless of whether you decide to date this female or not, I'd suggest that you keep approaching other females and not limit yourself to the ones who respond to you through online services. Being a divorced father isn't to my knowledge seen as a deal breaker for women, not like being a divorced mother is for most guys. If you've any doubts, ask the divorced guys on trp. They'll set you straight.

If you need more help, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.