You are a man. And your father has been a good man, working hard for his children and receiving no appreciation from a nagging wife. You cannot take your mother's side. I.e., you cannot side with the female sexual strategy gone runaway (extracting sexual pleasure through belittling/abusing her husband).

You can either maintain a neutral stance, trying to maintain two decent but separate relationships, one with your mom and one with your dad, or you can side with your dad.

I just feel betrayed by the instability

It's not solely your mother's fault. It's the system that incentivises women to act that way. In most cases, it's virtually impossible for even the hardest of men to counter it.

For the children, it does feel like a betrayal. Doesn't mother understand that this climate undermines the stability the children need, their craving for having a stable pair of parents?

The answer is, sadly, no: it's not just your mother. Women were not built by nature able to appreciate what is gifted to them. Maybe you can find some understanding for your mother in this, and it might help not to take it personally.

Currently spinning 3 plates. Have 2 as favorites; they each get 2 nights a week. Been seeing those 2 for about 6 months now.

I am about to be moving to a new job in a new city in t-3 months or so. With that in mind, I have absolutely 0 intentions or desires for more serious LTR with either.

Fav #1: worse face card, equivalent body, far superior sex. head is unparalleled; super submissive, very fun.

Fav #2: insane face card. Arm candy af; absolute head turner. sex is enjoyable but the head is like… not the best.

Issue: fav #1 is starting to push for exclusivity. slept over; “forgot” her phone at my place, comes back hangs for a bit. Proceeds to delete hinge in front of me blah blah blah.

I’m lookin at this as like I have 3 months left; wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to just get throated on a nightly basis. Don’t wanna lose my fav eater. On the other hand, this is something I’ve struggled with in past (ability to say no firmly to exclusivity) and generally just opted to say sure and just cheat.

Any advice on how to navigate this better?

In some sense like yeah I know you’re supposed to just stand on business and say some schpeel amongst the lines of “I’m not looking for anything serious rn/im about to be moving anyways/etc” and be stoic in the sense of being okay with whatever the outcome is (plates break). I guess just looking for additional input.

Thanks all in advance.

My parents constantly fight.

This is awful.

I believe this affected my early dating life.

probably did. you may expect conflict.

I got very little if any guidance on how to approach relationships with women.

this is normal - noone gets good advice on women

Ironically one time my father actually asked ME for advice with my mother.

right

I don't know all the specifics but I would suspect their relationship is a dead bedroom. My mother told me relatively recently she caught my father watching porn and talking to other women on facebook.

It is deeply immoral for your mother to have this conversation with you.

I'm not sure as to the details, accuracy, etc. I honestly think I just disassociated with this, and refused to let myself get involved.

good

And my mother continuously accuses him of cheating or talking to "his girlfriends". I asked my father what was going on between them and he actually told me something along the lines of "this has been going on for awhile, and it's no more Mr Nice guy".

uh huh

Don't get involved - no good will come of it, you can't change them, you can't change the situation, but it can be much worse for you as you get dragged into it and they both (consciously or not) drag you into their problems and weaponise you against each other.

My mother acts more and more in a feminist/independent way as this drama continues, not in a motherly way as one might expect. Additionally, I continue to learn rumors and whispers of both their past history. This includes possible drug use from my father, and more disappointing is hearing rumors of my mother working as a stripper in her past.

right

as I say - keep your distance as much as possible.

This has affected my brother as well, I believe. I won't get into details about that, but I see his development and guidance in life just turned out worse than mine. He is doing way better for himself though lately and also seems to disassociate from this drama. I'm proud of the direction he's turned his life around in.

Again, I know this level of drama is nothing, but living with them and constantly feeling this tension just brings my mood down incredibly. I'm not depressed, I just feel betrayed by the instability.

yes

I recently started heavily drinking just to try and forget about most of this.

this is bad

I have since put the bottle down, but I am struggling to figure out how to deal with this still.

You don't have to "deal with it". Ignore it as much as you can. Don't get sucked in. Don't try and fix it. Don't even try to understand it. Just ignore it as much as you possibly can. The struggle shouldn't be anything more than doing your best to distance yourself.

Alcohol is not the answer.

Part of me feels some level of responsibility to help resolve this drama,

yes, offspring often feel responsible, but you are not responsible and anything you do to help one will make it worse for the other. Your parents marriage isn't working, and you can't fix it.

but I also like to remind myself, my parents are both approaching 70, which makes this feel beyond ridiculous they haven't fixed things themselves at this point, and being together for 30+ years.

They are embroiled in the conflict, but neither is prepared to leave, and neither is either of them prepared to forgive.

So it's constant conflict: no forgiveness, no change, no improvement and no leaving. Just endless conflict, blame and bickering. Noone will take responsibility (honestly probably both are to blame). This cannot be fixed. There is no fix. They blame each other, they don't want to separate.... rinse, repeat.

You, however, have your whole life ahead of you. The sooner you can get out, the better.

This was a chance I saw to be closer with them while taking my time looking for a house, but now I'm considering finding one a bit sooner.

Look I hate to say this but as a default position as a man you should aim to leave home asap as soon as feasible, and that's with good parents, so you can have an autonomous life and a place you have friends, women and peace

With angry parents it's even more urgent. People, often past 40 years old and some times sooner as usually set in their ways. They've stubbornly done everything the same way their whole life and you're not going to change them.

They'd rather die stubborn than change a thing. It's also a typical boomer mentality if they are near 70. They certainly are not going to change

Your only real option is leave. Stubborn and jaded people who make it to this age and still behave like that only really apologize for their behavior on their death bed or when they are old and feeble. And even then many don't

This is a lost cause, you are going to stress out all these years for nothing, as are you siblings. You should all try to move. Are you able to get a house with siblings even?