There is a lot to unpack here, but I ask you this: What are your intentions with this woman? Are you aiming to commit to a 39 year old woman who has two kids and is going through a divorce? If yes, why? Have some self respect, man. I don't care if she looks like Jennifer Anniston. 99 times out of a 100 that is a terrible idea that is going to be a disaster... I'll quote Rian Stone here... "single mothers... a terrible situation that's not my problem"

If your answer is no, and you are looking to plate her, I actually have a plate at the moment that is a single mother. Initially, the single mother I have plated LOVED the idea of casual sex, noting "it finally means I'm moving past my ex". For a while now though, it's "I know what I deserve for my daughter and myself" and she has distanced from me. The glimmer of the validation wore off. Plates always break eventually. Women have their own motivations as well, and it seems that this 39 year old woman that has two kids probably lives life compulsively pursuing and much heavily prefers relationships as her base state despite probably genuinely wanting to fuck you and probably does enjoy the validation. Call it conflicting motivations. You told her you "don’t want kids or marriage" as well as you not having kids probably smells of bachelordom, so if she is wired to compulsively pursue that, that part of motivations for her may understand pursuing you is not going to accomplish her goals.

I would let the situation cool off, play it cool, and wait for the next opportunity to be around her in person, break the ice yourself, and game her like you have been.

Finally, I'd be careful closing a girl that is giving mixed signals on whether she wants it. A little post-hoc regret from a woman is all it takes in 2025 to end your career and your social life. If a woman seems even sort of iffy on fucking, pull back the reins. Though I may be stating the obvious in saying that.

Met with a milf for drinks. Flirty vibe. Kino'd. Invited her back to my hotel (30 min away) but she said she has to go on a work trip tomorrow morning which she told me about before. She seems interested in meeting again over text afterwards.

fair enough

She said she doesn't do that on the first date and she got out of a relationship recently where she was left with a lot of trust issues etc

absolutely fucking not. NEXT.

Here's the red flags:

• no kissing
• in your bed but blocking sex
• not reciprocating

and worst of all:

The "beta bait" of "my ex boyfriend blah blah blah trust issues".

Don't fall for that shit.

If you give her the 6 months of comfort that she says she needs before you can kiss her, she'll fuck some guy she met at a party before you get a chance to.

The whole line is a disgusting lie, it means "no sex for you, but please do keep the attention and the back rubs coming until Chad gets me".

In the nicest possible way, you gotta always be thinking "fuck me or fuck off". She might need a date or two, but if she's in your bed and won't kiss? Yeah... NO. fucking next her, with prejudice.

Background

• I’m 29. Lots of relationships, always end as it don’t want kids or marriage. Currently in an open relationship.
• she is 39, two daughters and going through a divorce
• met her via mutual friends. Over the last few months we gotten close over various social events. She doesn’t come to much as she is busy but she always comes when I’m 100% certain to be there. She gets very jealous when other girls speak to me.

Party and sleeping with her

• we was at a party, we spent all night together. We kiss slightly a few times but she pulls away. She says I have a girlfriend or that everyone is watches
• she tells everyone we are just friends.
• we separate but I hear that she is looking for me. I find her, we kiss and make out.
• we get a hotel room and we sleep together.

Mixed signals from her

• she tells everyone we are just friends
• while kissing and making out she says she can’t do this as she too old for me. She has too much baggage with children
• she tells me she never wants to lose me as a friend. I’ve become invaluable in her life. I’m a high point for her.
• she said she can’t be with me as I don’t even want to get married. She pulls away from kissing. I lean back and she says your not even fighting for me.

I call her the next day

• I call her to she how she is and what she wants. I tell her are we more than friends? She says she wants to keep things casual as friends. And see where this goes with no labels.
• she can’t jump into things as she never has much time with full time work and having two kids. She said is going through divorce as well.
• she doesn’t want to jump into things and ruin our friendship. She doesn’t want to lose me from her life as she wouldn’t know what do without me.
• she says she barley has time for anything and she can’t just drop her commitments for me.
• she said she has a fear of getting hurt.

What is going on?

• have I blown my chances by asking if she wants more?
• what does she want? Does she does want just friends or something more.
• is she afraid that I’m younger and therefore could leave at anytime? Thus losing me all together?

What should I do?

• when I next see her act like it never happened and just flirt and be friends like before or maybe ignore her and let her feel what life is without me?

So women give me sexual IOIs

Will this is the thing. It's not really "sexual IOIs". This is poor naming from the TRP community.

Women wouldn't be imagining having sex with me or "playing" with me if I wasn't at least a prospect.

You don't understand women - and you are looking at this the wrong way.

I'm getting back into approaching. I live in the suburbs and I'm comfortable here. But it's not great for getting loads of dates.

I have around 20 approaches in a suburban area. Most nos and I got 3 flakes. I just text logistics.

Right

What's the ratio of how many women I'll have to approach? 100? Cause God damn. Its not like a city where you can cold approach 50 in a day. Suburbs not so much. Maybe 3-5 a week.

About 30 to get laid, if you're reasonably good looking and reasonably good at it.

Half will talk to you.... half will swap numbers.... half will flake on first date....... half will flake on second date...... half won't sleep with you after that.

Don't get too autistic with the numbers, but 5 halvings leaves you about 3% "lay to fuck" ratio. And that's if you're good.

Maybe half of women are somewhat available (no bf, unhappy with bf, slut, etc).... maybe half will like you....... of those, some will see someone else or logistics just won't work out. Everyone has a life, attractive women have options.

A lot of those "failed" interactions will be fun, and when you fuck them it will often be lots of times, so the 3% ratio is much better than it seems.

But something isn't right here.

If women are checking you out, then you are right to think you are basically attractive enough.

But if you are hearing "I have a BF" every time, then you're approaching wrong. If you're hearing it half the time, then it's all good.

Have been having weird dates recently that end in nothing but a k close or nothing at all. I'm not new to escalating and f closing during dates as I've done it before many times. Not sure what's going wrong maybe there's a flaw in my logistics/order of events.

Thanks for all the suggestions on the last fieald report. This time for both dates I suggested I get the first round and she can get the next one instead of me paying for the whole bill.

Logistics were also in place this time. Had a hotel room to myself for my work trip.

First date:

Met with a milf for drinks. Flirty vibe. Kino'd. Invited her back to my hotel (30 min away) but she said she has to go on a work trip tomorrow morning which she told me about before. She seems interested in meeting again over text afterwards.

Second date:

Met with a girl around my age. Flirty vibe once again. Got drinks with her. SHE suggested let's watch a movie after the drinks. This was because we bantered about how she'll hide behind me during horror movies. We smoked some weed outside. Walked to my hotel. Had her in my bed watching a movie. Kino again. Tried to go for the kiss. She said she doesn't do that on the first date and she got out of a relationship recently where she was left with a lot of trust issues etc. Kino'd more but she was not reciprocating much she seemed a bit standoffish. We ended up falling asleep in my hotel bed. Got her an uber back in the morning.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma because this was a work trip I was on. Meaning I have limited time to text, set up a date, and try to f close. It may be that these girls want more than one date to f close. But in a situation with limited time I want to have a fun date but also get intimate.

EDIT: Third-ish date

Forgot about this one. Not really a date but met a girl through a mutual friend at an event. Bounced venues in an uber. Kino and game were on point. Probably the smoothest game I've ever spit. Had the girl obsessed and lost for words because of how I was flowing and the shit I was saying. She forgot her ID so didn't get into the bar. Got her number. Texted her after and she wants to see me soon in my city.

Here's your problem bro: you're results driven. The more you focus on results the deeper into sperg territory you're going to get. Pretty soon you're going to be in the territory of hopeless and giving girls the ick.

I can tell by what you wrote that your game and social skills aren't up to par. Social skills come first. You need to chat with everyone. "Approach" really is a bad term. This isn't a pass or fail test. You have to learn how to love conversations and love your own life.

Think of it like this: Guy A goes out to have fun. He's smiling, talking to everyone and simply enjoying his self. He's amused at his environment and engaged with whoever he's talking to. It's like an instant bond. He's the guy that figured out what everyone wants. How to make life enjoyable.

Guy B hones in on a target. He gives a canned sales pitch. He looks nervous. He tries to sell something that he doesn't really have to offer. The one or two yes's he gets are promptly ignored because he "texts for logistics". This is what women call rejection.

You tell me which guy sounds like the better option to a woman?

So first thing to do. Go out and talk to everyone. If you can't hold conversations with the general public, you can't attract women.

Second is if you get a yes, stop texting for logistics. If you're too autistic to not fuck up a text interaction, your date wouldn't have gone well.

This isn't a ratio. There's no magic number and special phrase. Focus on being social and enjoying your life. Hoping for results isn't going to do shit.

DO NOT try to become boring or beta. This is terrible advice! All you're going to do is develop be ad habits and anger the psychopath! She will blame you for acting weird and inconsistent and find ways to make your life hell. Trust me. I have years of experience with crazy women.

It's not your job to fix her, it's not your job to keep her happy and it's not your job to take abuse or her shitfits. Your job is to protect your own wellbeing.

JFC.... the guys on here really think you can rationalize with a highly unstable and emotional woman?

When a woman's hypergamy kicks in, it's stronger than any other rational thought. The only way she will "let" you walk away is if you're completely destroyed.

It's really up to you. You can try to become boring Billy beta. You can play the white night card of "that's not who I am". You can light yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a path to misery and self destruction.

Relationships end. That's normal. You're going to have to make peace with being the one to safely end it or stay weak and miserable.

My advise is to plan a stealthy exit. If you have any of your belongings at a place of hers get those back. If you own property or a car make sure you have insurance and preferably security cameras. One your stuff is secured. Either call or text her your done. Block her and don't ever answer again. It's done. No drawing this out. No giving her hope to reconcile. No weakness.

You'll thank me for saving you another half a year or more of pure hell.