@travellingsomewhere1 Care way less about what happened during the time you had dumped thus freed her.
Care most about how she treats you NOW, consistently over time, and how THAT aligns with your expectations to upgrade a girl to LTR.
Don't go punishing her on an ongoing basis for breakage of some covert contract in your mind. It's like punishing a dog for peeing on the rug hours earlier. The feedback mechanisms in their brain don't make any connection between their action and your reaction which thus seems arbitrary and unnecessarily extreme. This can accelerate the breakage of her pair-bonding ability, thus I believe men have a self-interest in not carelessly hurting the dating pool of women one by one. I wrote an essay about the "Camping rule" of leaving them as good or better as you found them (except for cause) and the Tragedy of the Pussy Commons men can thusly prevent with a bit of forethought and different choices not requiring more effort.Read More
Am I crazy to be considering divorce-raping myself?
I’ve been married for 16 years, the first 3 decent, the next 10 hell, and the last 3 years have been great as I have finally taken the steps to become the man she wants and needs so her disrespect has stopped, her sex is better, she’s become a pretty damn good wife.
But I’m just sick of it. She was my girlfriend all through high school, after graduation I stayed in my hometown because she was scared of losing me. After a couple years of working a shitty job and playing soldier in the national guard I decided to go active. She was excited and wanted to get married to do the entire army wife thing. I was young and stupid so we did. And then she was too fucking scared to leave her family so I never joined. (Cuz I was a bitch). Ground out my early twenties working shitty jobs then decided to take on massive debt to get a nursing degree while providing for her and our four kids. I graduated at 30, became more beta than I ever had in my life while she bitched and bitched. At 32 I found TRP, made the changes, D-day happened, she fell in line, and things have been great.
Through the course of our relationship I have had several extramarital affairs. She’s aware that they happen but as long as I “don’t fall in love or bring home diseases” she would rather pretend they don’t exist. Everything was great.
Except now I have been in wisconsin on my own for the last 6 months and visiting them every couple weeks. It’s been glorious. I’m living my life, pursuing goals, learning hobbies, doing what I want and taking care of business. I am maintaining our home—she tells me what she needs and I hire someone to take care of it. New fence, new hot tub installation, new deck, and a contractor coming to draw plans for an attic renovation. They are all taken care of back home, and I still love my wife, but when I go visit her in person she just fucking saps all my energy and drains me of the spirit I live while I’m up here without her.
I’m seriously contemplating ripping her fucking heart out and separating, but I know I’ll be fucking raped. I want it peaceful. I want to stay in her life: I would offer to continue maintaining the home while paying the mortgage and the bills, paying for the kids to Amtrak up to see me every third week (my work conditions allow me to take a week off every third week if I want), and even dropping $2,000 a month into an account to provide for them all. And if she needs a good dicking, I can oblige if she wants but she’s free to move on with her life.
I just want an amicable split because I am 10x the man without her around than I ever was with her. Maybe I’m still bitter about that decade of hell in which I killed myself for her approval and just got browbeat daily, or maybe I’m just now realizing that I’ve settled my whole fucking life away and I’ve only got a few good decades left.
Tell me I’m crazy, tell me I’m sane, or tell me to fuck off.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.Read More
@Aging-Chad Late 30s and early 40s is a great time to be alive as a man with his shit together. It's also an age a lot of middle age guys suffer through in shit marriages or hitting the dating market clueless after a divorce. I really hit a stride for this era; I saw others do the same but also fresh divorcees get bad oneitis for a stripper who uses and manipulates them for everything she can.
The US military is 100% voluntary, and tacking on an additional two years after discharge that would force you to live in some specific area and answer to some yokel sheriff is a non-starter, especially since the number of people who have served is less than 1% of the population. If a four-year enlistment becomes six years, it's going to be a hard sell to fill the manning needs... we're already recruiting lots of people who have absolutely no business being in the military. The benefits would have to be very, very generous to entice people to sign up for that.
Ask any of the guys here who served: when we got out we retained an obligation to be available for recall, but if I had been forced to go back to my HOR (Home of Record) to fetch coffee and donuts for some fat civilian police chief for a couple of years I would have been mightily pissed off.
Considering that the U.S. military pedophiles intends to groom the children of their fellow servicemen by hosting a drag queen story hour at Ramstein air base and only around 520+ in the military have taken their objection to the forced covid-19 vaccine to court, I don't see the anger of U.S. servicemen, or veterans, as something to be particularly concerned about here.
However, the points you've made leave me thinking that this might be an idea worth exploring. The recent thread where Tib and @slutmagazine started branching into topics like civic responsibility warrants attention. You've clearly given this idea a lot more thought than the ten seconds I put into it and I'd like to get more of your, and other peoples, input so I can refine the idea. If spending two inactive years as an auxiliary in a local/municipal/state emergency service agency could provoke young men to think before signing to join the military, or at least help weed out those ideologically hostile to the country, then I'm all for it.Read More