How to give advice as a man and help my best friend who binge drinks all the time?
Giving advice is an important skill as a man and I feel I am not good at it. My best friend for 30 years needs some advice but he isn't listening to me, I feel a bit lost/ helpless as a man/ friend and would love some advice on how to give advice.
I think it all started 2 years ago when his group of friends started getting married and at the same time he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and got rejected by a mutual friend.
Since then, whenever we go out for a social event he gets absolutely smashed/drug fucked and makes an idiot of himself to the point I have to take him home early. Any event he gets paralytic - weddings, birthdays, festivals, a casual catch up for drinks.
For example, today I get a random call from a mutual friend asking me to come pick him up just after midday from a cheese and wine festival because he was paralytic at 3pm.
No matter what he doesn't listen to anyone. He apologizes, says it won't happen again, then does it again. Everyone has tried talking to him telling him they are concerned, his parents, his siblings, other friends but he just doesn't care.
He is 36 and is too old to be acting like this - I'm a little bit concerned there is something deeper going on. I try having a chat asking why he act like this all the time, if he is depressed, happy with life and he just brushes me off tells me he is fine he is just trying to have some fun.
No-one can argue with him either because he doesn't touch alcohol during the week, sometimes for weeks at a time. In-between his binging he is an amazing friend, doesn't touch alcohol/drugs, he is extremely healthy with his foods, gym twice per day, has an extremely good job and is a high performer.
I'm getting concerned seeing him act like this and no taking any-ones advice. I feel like I am letting him down as a friend/ as a man and don't know what to do.
Any advice would be helpful.
Just as being able to provide good advice can be a valuable skill, so too is recognizing when it's not wanted.
If you suspect the problems are related to his love life, consider suggesting your friend invest into a reliable ready reference they can pick up and study to better prepare themself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you make them aware of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. Encourage your friend to review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what they aspire for themself. To save them a search, give them this scribed link to find out if the book is something they'd like to add to their library. It should also be available on libgen.
If shuttling this guy home when he's passed out drunk is a problem for you, and he's not taking any corrective action on his own initiative, difficult as it maybe, you should just let him drink, while working out some alternative to you bringing him home. If he lives near your home, you could coordinate with your mutual friends to have a taxi bring him home, and you take him the rest of the way to mark the transition.
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I often hear all this talk about how spinning plates is foundational to TRP—maximize SMV, avoid oneitis, and boosting abundance. However, no one talking about soul ties and the biological/ psychological consequences of recreational sex, especially for women (less so for men).
Women bond through oxytocin during sex. The more partners she has, the harder it becomes for her to emotionally attach. This isn’t woo-woo—it’s science. That’s why so many women get alpha widowed and can’t pair bond long-term. Though you and I may treat a woman as a "plate", she treats you as a potential husband, if she allows you to open the key to her body, she is subconsciously affirming that you could be a suitable genetic contributor to her child, aka father-stock. When the time comes and the plate breaks off, she's left to start the cycle all over again, find another stud, soul bond again to another man, yet this past experience cannot be erased, some call it spiritual, other biological, but the soul tie remains. How else would you describe the alpha widow phenomena?
Teachman (2002) analyzed data from the NSFG and found:
- Women who only had sex with their husband before marriage had the lowest divorce rates.
- Women with 2+ premarital sexual partners were over 2.5x more likely to divorce than women with only one (their husband).
- Women who cohabited with other men before marriage had a significantly higher risk of marital dissolution.
- Even when controlling for education, race, and religion, the pattern held: more sexual partners = lower marital stability.
My point mentioning this being that we often criticize women for having a body count higher than Lucky Luciano - but at the same time encourage men to go out and create them to build abundance. But think of the cost benefit analysis; is the benefit of building your abundance sleeping with heaps of women a net-positive, or does it have more cost on said women's future ability to pair bond and have successful future ties. After all, there's no such thing as hoe without a man, we are the hoe-makers, they receive, we give. Rollo coined the plate concept, yet he himself has been in a monogamous marriage for decades now, but RP often gives him flack for that. Does anyone see the negative implications as well or contemplated the soul tie concept?
My answer: yes, on the one hand, men are responsible for creating "hoes" and further promoting hook-up/plate-spinning culture, however, women also play a part. Women have become more masculine "strong independent types" who chase submitting to an employer rather than submitting to a husband. In doing so, they have lost the ability to display traditional feminine values: cooking, cleaning, agreeability, modesty, and virginity. They made the conscious decision to sell their bodies to the feminist pipe dream, that they can have the cake and eat it too. They can be masculine at the office and feminine at home, they can do the bare minimum for a man, and some simp will eventually wife her up and pay full price for a used car. Sure, men are creating a breeding ground for hoes, yet it's the women who started it by veering away from traditional values on their own accord. Let's think back to Genesis and who ate the apple first, right, it's starting to click now.
While I don't subscribe to the idea of soul mates, soul ties, or whatever. I still suggest you study the book, before you resume engaging females. It'll help you understand your past failures with females, so you don't repeat those past mistakes. As for the rest of what you've said, I think you could benefit from checking out the media targeted at females.
Read More@Massive-Prolapse She may be doing it in hopes the right Chad will pursue her, with the secondary benefit of getting to selectively scold and chastise all the "wrong" guys for their attentions.
In my youth, I dabbled in hippie communities with very lax attitudes around nudity. In those circles, it was very chill and laid back, with virtually no sexual or social tension around it.
So I’m a medical student in a big hospital with multiple many thousands of employees.
Since there’s a good ratio of hot women and I spend most of my time here, a large portion of my romantic prospects looks like this: woman and me frequent the same space, see each other in passing, woman starts giving IOS every time she sees me. After a while of eye contact and smiles I get an opportunity to talk to her, I’ll have friendly conversation with some flirting.
This has been a good strategy when I could talk to woman regularly, vet her (if she has boyfriend) and proceed to escalate to full on flirting. But 90% of the time woman is busy, or I’m busy, and we only get to talk in an elevator like once a month. How do I avoid dragging shit out forever, or how do I avoid making it boring when it goes on forever?
Attempt to answer own Q: The obvious answer is to just wrap it up in the first convo and ask straight away for number. I’ve done that but got the boyfriend rejection most of the time, it’s hard to vet girls you’ve never spoken to before.
Better to just work on your professional social skills. Gaming female co-workers in any way, especially college educated females, is usually easy because most, if not all of them, are both spiritually lobotomized and spiritually demoralized. While this can potentially make them easy to bang, it also makes them dangerous to work with after doing so. This is why it's becoming increasingly risky for men to spend anytime with non-client females professionally and rightly prompts many men to compare it to urinating or defecating where you eat. In your career field, and those adjacent to it, it can also be dangerous in some particularly terrifying ways the public are seldom made aware.
Instead, you should discipline yourself. Study the book, focus on being polite, and courteous with the women you work with. Don't ask about their dating life, don't ask about their families, and don't even ask them what they last ate. Do not allow yourself to get drawn into their lives in any way that doesn't enable you to do your job.
The problem for you is that you're a young man entering a career field that is insanely demanding compared to many others both on the mind and the clock. You have to put the needs of others ahead of yourself every day, with the consolation prize being the substantial compensation that rightly also rewards you for the intense education and training you pursued to get there. However, if you're absolutely determined to get involved with women in your career field due to lack of time, pursue females who're employed at other facilities, preferably outside your employers network.
Best of luck to you.
Read MoreLDR Girl Brought Up Moving — Now She’s Stressed That It’s “Real”
I know I'll be scorched here as LDRs are frowned upon, and not considered as real relationships, but this is the situation that I am in.
So, been in a long-distance relationship she’s visited me a couple times — things always go well in person. She was the one who brought up closing the distance and moving to my country. Her words: she doesn’t want us to keep visiting and then one day ask, “Why are we even doing this?”
I started looking for an apartment with that in mind. When I told her I found a place and might sign, she suddenly got stressed. Said it made things feel “real.” No breakdown, just visible tension. She even started seeing a therapist about it. Which suggested for her to take things very slow.
We had a call yesterday. She said her job situation is the biggest concern — figuring out remote work or how to land something here. Logical concerns, sure. I put emphasis on not feeling pressured and that we can go with the flow, while also comforting her and that I want her to move here. But there was no emotional reciprocity from her side. She was glad we had the talk, mentioning that it was comforting, but for me it felt the opposite and gave me even more ambiguity. We haven't spoken much after this.
I’ve paid for most of the trips, but we agreed long-term we’d split costs. Still, I’m the one putting in most of the material investment so far. Now she’s talking about the move more like a logistical challenge than something she’s emotionally committed to.
Question: Is this just normal pressure hitting her, or is this the first sign she’s pulling back?
My take: When fantasy meets reality, people show their true calibration. She liked the idea — but now that I’m making moves, she’s reacting with stress, not certainty. That’s not a great signal. I’m watching closely, but I won’t chase.
You need to seriously study the book, before you follow-through and import this girl you've met a few times to your country to live with you. You're clearly very interested in her, but you've only known of each other for five months and met a few times. The problem isn't that you're chasing, but that you're lead footing thing. If you don't curb your enthusiasm, this one-itis you've developed may lead to you alienating this female against you.
If she's telling you that her therapist, of all people, is suggesting she slow down, then take your foot off the accelerator and cultivate a few hobbies to occupy your mind. Few relationships fail because the couple took their time. Allow yourselves a few more months to get to know each other.
Read MoreShould I end it or keep going?
Took another very long break from dating. Now I met a girl, went out, all good. She has a few red flags, but were not here for a LTR right.
The thing is, Im so unstable at the moment, that little, unseemingly things send me into a emotionally downward spiral. Were I ask myself afterwards if I actually went insane. It think it would all be a lot easier with abundance but I haben't taken any measures yet to build that up.
So Im wondering if I should keep going with her or end it and start clean from the beginning, i.e. with step 1: Build abundance by upping the approach- and online dating game.
(I cant post in the AskTRP forum apperantly)
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Looks like he was made aware of the book several months ago. While I can't say whether he's read it or not, it's good to regularly re-read, if not study, useful books to keep the material fresh in ones mind. So thank you for encouraging him.
@noidea Good on you for getting back into the dating game.
One of the biggest challenges in life is not letting disappointment and failure affect you such that you stop dating forever. A lot of females out there are messed up in the thinking meat even so far as taking psychotropic medications to suppress their delusions, so if your gut is telling you something is wrong about a gal, don't second guess that feeling. It might be the only warning you ever get before disaster strikes. Better to find out you're not a match when dating, than after several years of marriage with children. You lose nothing by avoiding being drawn into the maelstrom of someone else's dysfunctional life, especially as you claim to be working to sort out your own.
Being able to make the best informed decisions you can is one of the few actual freedoms we have in life. Regardless of what choice you make, take some solace in knowing that you don't need our permission to make them, just as we take solace in knowing we're not otherwise obliged to cater to your whims. Regardless, keep asking other females out until you find those who're better matches.
Read MoreAnyone ever fumble a genuine good girl? Regrets
Anyone ever fumble a good girl? At the time I wanted an OLTR and she actually agreed to it . Becuase in her words, I have many other great qualities and she understands man’s need for variety. Idk how I pulled that off on a “conservative” Lol
She was a traditional conservative girl who in my eyes was a solid 8 due to natural beauty. Cooked, cleaned, wanted family, hot, fit, nurturing, etc only questionable thing was her bc which was about 10 and maybe 8 with whom she did other sexual things with (she told me this, but who knows for sure, didn’t really bother me much).
We were officially together for 2 years and dated for about 1 years before but it wasn’t all good.
We argued mainly due to my ego and wanting more from her (even though she already gave a lot). Plus, she was almost perfect besides us arguing about the OLTR stuff at times and some other things I thought was nagging.
Long story short, she got fed up and started causing issues over small things. Me being stubborn, and me not wanting to compromise much and she eventually left.
Now I’m filled with regret. I even said I’d stop the OLTR stuff (because I genuinely was getting tired of it) but that didn’t matter.
She’s in the epiphany phase. But I own up to my mistakes and tried to get her back but that pushed her away.
Has anyone ever lost a good girl in your eyes? Did you ever find someone better?
This doesn’t make me angry more so angry at myself. So no RP rage. Women are awesome and I’d love to have another experience like that. I’m well experienced with hooks up and situaionships but I’ve never connected with woman like this, and someone I could be my full self with. Maybe that’s my problem.
She moved on quick and basically became cold. I’m flabbergasted by how much we connected then now nothing.
Answer to myself: Yes it happens to the best of us. You just have to take the lessons and don’t make the same mistakes. You were comfortable with her and that’s what you’re trying to recreate. Get comfortable with yourself in the beginning with any new chick and those feelings may arise again.
"I wanted an open long term relationship and she actually agreed to it... She was a traditional conservative girl... solid eight... Cooked, cleaned, wanted family... only questionable thing was her body-count... maybe eight with whom she did other sexual things with (She told me this... didn't really bother me much)... together for over 2 years... she got fed up... and she eventually left."
www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90
Read MoreGirl disappeared now shes back
Below is my conversation with a girl I met at an event:-
==
[02/05, 17:15] ME - Hi how are you? SC was a blast I met some really cool people
[02/05, 17:19] : Hi there … it was super fun
[02/05, 17:29] .:Me- Yeah it was let's find a time to meet again
[02/05, 17:55] : Cool
[02/05, 17:55] : Are you based in ?
[02/05, 17:56] .: Me- I live in but I come to quite regularly. How about you?
[02/05, 17:58] :
[02/05, 18:22] .:Me - Cool whens good for us to meet? I'm available next weekend if that works?
[02/05, 18:23] : I can do at some point between 12-3on Saturday
[02/05, 18:31] ME- Sounds good so is Saturday 10th May ok?
[03/05, 08:28] : Should be good
[03/05, 08:28] : I just need to sort my daughter on the train at some point
[03/05, 13:52] Me - Ok where shall we meet?
(11 Days later:-)
[14/05, 18:50] : I’m so so sorry [14/05, 18:50] : Had a terrible bout of hay fever / cold… whatever it was - was not good. Hope you’re alright.
==
Should I answer "Hi I'm good no worries hope you're feeling better now. Let's meet Saturday 24th?"
Reads like her near two week long instant messaging disappearance was a god send. Now you have an idea as to how little interest she has in you. So, do yourself a favor and just let that momentum carry you off without any further replies. She's got a kid you didn't sire that she's already given you heads up she will use as a shield against you getting close to her. Good news is, you've got even more time to study the book, because this is where you should move on and...
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