1y ago TheRedPill
How do you respond when a girl says I love you after the first fuck if you don't want things to go that far?
@mkeehl Tenderly, but without deception. Say "Awwww" and touch the tip of her nose or similar. Then, "Get to know me..." You want to return to the state of basking in endorphins. If she persists in questioning in this moment, hug her to your chest or similar and say "Don't mess up this feeling..."
If she's plate material, she will eat this up and return for NSA sex, feeling safe to do so with you.
If she keeps escalating the questioning and getting increasingly agitated and aggressive as some will, there is your window into what a relationship with her would be like! That is shitty Girl Game, owing to too much Feminism and Grrrl Power absorbtion. Push away decisively (not aggressively), get up, start getting dressed, say, "I said not to mess this up..." If she's bitchy and demanding as you do, just quietly and nonchalantly sing a line or two from Billy Joel's Leave the tender moment alone or something. You want to deflect and disregard aggression, not acknowledge much less engage and escalate it.
Read More@mkeehl if I thought I could get away with it, I'd pretend I didn't hear a thing and ust continue. Example: one whispered that in my ear as I was licking and nibbling her nipple. Very quiet, breathy whisper, so it was easy to pretend I heard nothing. We continued our fling for several weeks after that, and she didn't say it again (unless I really didn't hear it!).
Given your context, it seems like she said it loudly and straight to you as the two of you lay basking in the afterglow. The way I usually handled that was "we don't know each other that well yet! Let's keep getting to know each other better".
I'm sure you already know that it's a terrible idea to say it back unless you actually mean it! And of course that it's impossible to know and mean it that soon.
9mo ago TheRedPill
I need you guys to tell me wtf is going on, because I did the same mistake and lost my head in a relationship.
I'm 29 yo and I met this girl (20yo) at work and casually messaged her. We hit it off, I maintained my frame at all times and she became very attached to me. We fucked a month later, she said "I love you" I made her wait for two months before saying the same thing back. Anyway, things were going good, I had all the power, she initiated everything and worried about me constantly.
She knew I had options at work and inside my social circle, I was the guy she had to keep, she was desperate. Truth be told, often I acted like an asshole, cut off contact when she got out of line, stopped seeing her whenever I wanted and the usual "I am the shit here" stuff which seemed to work flawlessly.
There were two or three days when I ignored and stopped answering her calls because she said something and I was not in the mood. Yup, this time I was a true asshole. Out of nowhere she hits me with a text saying "I can't stand being stepped on all the time, I am not happy, this is not love and I have to take care of myself.". I replied with "Sure, do what you gotta do" and blocked her on social media.
A couple of hours later my phone starts blowing up, I get texts that she made a mistake and can't live without me, begging to come back to her and shit. I ignored all of it and texted her the next day asking why was she contacting me again if she wanted to end things, just live your life and be happy.
She asked to meet, I agreed, she begged, I took her back. She told me she needed more respect and was crushed of me being an asshole at all times (which is true). I eased up on her, got a little nicer, and things started to change.
Anyway, after I took her back she got a little bit more demanding, started to get angry at stuff that she used to forgive easily, got jealous of every time I encountered with a girl and stopped texting whereas before she used to beg me not to do anything with anyone and be with her. She explained this behavior with "You dont know what jealousy does to me, I cant stand seeing you with anyone, I hate myself for it but I cant change it.".
Her reasoning for gettig a bit colder was that she could not bare being jealous all the time and she'd rather keep it to herself. Probably bullshit, but I didnt know what to make of it. I stupidly told her that she had changed and I did not like it.
Anyway, then my health situation came. I had a lump which turned out to be nothing, but I was worried sick and told her I did not want her to be in the hospital with me during tests. I went alone, did not tell her all the details because I'd rather do this shit alone than drag my girl around with me. She said at all times "I have to be with you, please let me, I hate myself when I'm not there".
This shit ended well, I only told her that the tests are good and I am healthy. During my treatment period she got even weirder and started to doubt my words, as if I were lying to her. Anyway, I saw clearly that she was not the same girl who treated me like a God. Turth be told, I showed weakness and acted sad at times with her, telling her I feared of what might be, maybe this normal human behavior turned her off.
Fast forward a couple days, she came to see me, we sat on a bench and I started going through her phone like usual. I saw her texts with her girlfriend who she'd been messaging about me the whole time, you know, typical girl behavior. I tried to read it, she started to wrestle me and panic, saying she'd rather die than let me read it.
I was like fine, I saw enough of you taking shit and there's definitely more, so I'm not gonna stand it and broke up with her on the spot. She cried, ran after me, begged me, called and texted me all night and morning with the usual I will die without you please take me back crap.
I said fine, first let me read everything. She took screenshots, videos and I saw that her friend was telling her that I was lying to her about my health issue in order to manipulate her and they were trying to catch me in a lie. Her friend was like "this guy does not give a shit about you, stop deleting instagram and other apps for him, you should be equal, he is a liar and a manipulator" and all the usual crap.
To be fair, my so called girl was taking my side but still got influenced. She did not talk some brutal shit but I still did not like it. So I told her thats why I ended it. She begged to let her see me, I agreed again, she apologized a million times, cried saying she's stupid and it wont happen again. My weak ass took her back again yesterday. Today she still wants to come see me before work.
Now, she tells me all the right things but I can see she does not care as much anymore. I have trouble comprehending what's happening. If she lost attraction and does not feel the same things, why beg me and walk all over herself in order to be with me?
Yeah, I used to be the chad, but along the way I got weaker and started getting needy. Surely, she felt this like any other girl would.
Maybe the attraction is gone and I'm just an insurance to ease her loneliness, maybe she felt insulted and wanted to be on equal terms with me, but I dont like the current relationship.
I know I'm an insecure guy, and the thought of ending this terrifies me, but seeing her change is also disturbing. I would rather keep her but as she was before, should I take a step back and become cold? I dont know.
Please help me understand this shit.
Read More9mo ago TheRedPill
You've been doing everything right and she is a typical female.
The issue: her friends.
I posted a month or two back that men interested in LTR with a particular girl should curate her social circle. Her friends are not your friends. They are not your allies. They are your enemies, especially if they are single, jealous or shitty. They will bring her down to their level.
9mo ago TheRedPill
@mkeehl I don't know your particular context, but I do know that I've run into something similar with my last gf. Her friends set her up against me. She is not someone who would have the courage (or rather folly) to provoke problems with me in the way she did. But she did.
As far as feeling like an asshole. Don't. That's female guilt tripping. If you want a woman to love you then you have to make her cry. That emotional turmoil is love to them. It hooks them up to you, and if you don't generate it yourself, she'll provoke you so that you do or leave you for someone that does. Yes, they are crazy.
Indifference is the absence of love.
As for curating a woman's social circle, i'm still figuring it out myself. I've only had hook ups lately that have yet to materialize into something more solid. I've started seeing this new chick last week (got intimate but not yet sex) and we're in the who pretends to like the other less phase of courtship (or rather who takes the longest to respond and set the next date).
But I'm taking the lessons I've learned in the past here. Looking at her education level, social circle, family background, whether she's the introverted type or extraverted type. That'll inform me about the quality of females she hangs out with. She even admitted to me that she'll be talking about our last hook up with her sister. Now is her sister my ally or my foe here? What will she tell her about me?
I can't control her. But I can set boundaries though. I'll need to gather information (covertly if need be) about what they say about me.
Then I'll know how to act.
Simply stated, if I feel that there is a shitty element in the background, whispering in her ears and trying to ruin what we have together, then I'll bring it up.
I'll tell her to either distance herself from that person or maybe even confront that person. If she refuses, then I'll just downgrade her to plate status or exit for something better. Keep other girls around.
Read More9mo ago TheRedPill
@DrButterSpread Thanks a lot dude. What is the best course of action here? What should I do?
@mkeehl My take: Sounds like your implementation of Dread Game needs calibration, so that a woman you're with doesn't experience time with you as dreadFUL.
Mind your ratio of negative to positive feedback. Don't neglect to make being together with you fun and desirable for you for its own sake. It's not necessarily easy walking the line of being open and vulnerable enough to reach true intimacy while not giving away the relationship store where it comes to power and control. Sounds like a lot of your game is playing "hard to get" which works GREAT for plates and short term flings. I'm reading that you were aiming for more of a longer term relationship model, where you reach a point of having to calibrate the initial "hard to get" to not feel to her like an unworthy game of "hard to keep."
Another approach considers the pool of available women, and the subset of them who would gladly (at first) sign up for life with a guy mainly playing hard asshole game.
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