Another update on my long-time Friend.

He moved into Hospice yesterday, on the one year anniversary of his Wife's sudden death. He called me the day before and told me he was going there and didn't want any questions asked.

He is having trouble swallowing, and in turn isn't eating much. His Step-Daughter had a heart-to-heart with him about it because she noted a rapid decline over the prior week. She is involved in the Medical Field and familiar with the signs and she may have pulled some strings to line up Hospice in short order.

She told him that it was either go now and be in a good place, or take a chance and end up being in Emergency Care while on a wait list. Wisely, he set aside his normally obstinate thinking and chose the first option.

I am waiting to hear back from his Step-Daughter on what kind of timeline they are expecting as we want to book a flight to go see him before it's too late. His 69th Birthday is in early June and is not expected to live until then.

It's been a shitty few years for him, to say the least.

Some of it was a direct result of him willfully choosing to not deal with the realities of life surrounding him (Happy Wife, Happy Life and it's not worth the fight) and the Cancers took away his ability to work, not just for income, on his own passion projects in his dream shop. Most of that was either sold for less than what it was worth, given away or hauled to the dump.

During one dump run, I told him to go stand at the front of my truck and not look because I knew just how painful it would be to see so many parts that he had carefully scavenged from wreckers being tossed into the pit. I felt the pang of loss as I did it.

That was about the time he stopped Chemo. Looking back, it seems obvious he no longer felt had the will to keep going and just wanted to have a clear head on the way out.

I can only hope they keep him comfortable up to his last moments and I get to see him one last time.

Latest update on Friend

He is moved, from a large house with shop to a 1 bedroom with den condo.

So much was taken to the dump, three 5-ton loads plus the couple in my pickup. My Wife and I spent several days sorting through stuff and making piles of trash, donate and items we took ourselves. We did find items that had significance which would have ended up in the garbage if we hadn't gone through the piles and set them aside.

Still has too much stuff and has been picking away at it. The chemo has lowered his energy levels, so progress is slow. He still has the two dog and a cat to deal with because he feels like he would be ruining their lives by re-homing them, yet, their need for constant attention taxes his patience, and he doesn't have a lot of that.

Far as I can tell, he is still angry with his late Wife. Not just because she had kept so much financial stuff hidden from him, we are all sure that she hid her own physical issues from everyone, leading to her sudden death.

Currently, he is angry with his Oncologist, and has told me he is not going to do any more chemo until he gets a different Dr., risky behaviour at best, toddler tantrum most likely. I get that chemo does shit-kick your body, makes you feel drained and messes with your thought processes, however, his decision (IMHO) is reckless. I understand his reluctance to continue and respect his decision, even if I think it unwise. He's an adult.

Still resisting the idea that he NEEDS to get some therapy to help deal with everything that has happened in this year, and the ones leading up to it.

I've tried to gently point out that she's gone, he's free from the crippling debt, still standing and now, any messes to clean are his alone.

I call him every few days, just to check in. I will see him again in December when we go back to spend Christmas with our Daughter and family. I hope he makes some forward progress in both his mental and physically health. Maybe he'll come for dinner.

Update on my Friend

Was over to visit with him a few times in the past month while we spent time with our Daughter/Granddaughter.

He is living moment to moment. On the upside, his last lab results showed a downward trend in the markers for his latest Cancer and he is waiting on results for the latest CT scan. Cautiously optimistic on that.

His house sold for above asking on the first day it was shown. He has to be out by the end of September and should have enough to find something small, comfortable and more importantly, not in need of renovation. He is not up to the task of doing repairs and maintenance.

Downside is trying to figure out what to do with all of the stuff accumulated between the two of them over the years they've been together.

He is a car guy with extra parts he doesn't have the time to deal with. Some of it is near unobtanium and he's very afraid it will just end up in a dumpster bin. While I was there one particular day, he had someone come over to pick up two complete G-body dashes that he had taken the time to pull from donors at a Wrecker Lot. He had taken the time to get the heater controls freed up so they were like new.

A 69 C-10 with a 350 Stroker went to a Neighbour's Son for $3,000 (should have been double that amount). He has a 75 Torino Elite that is ready to drive and a 79 LTD with a 473 that was torn apart and only needs the interior installed. He hasn't even fired up the engine since the build was completed. I introduced him to one of my Son's friends, who has automotive/heavy-duty experience, that may be able to help him pare down the pile of good spare parts.

His late Wife bought a lot of stuff... Expensive things still in boxes were stuffed into a bedroom. There wasn't anywhere in the house that had not been touched by her. I'm sure a good deal of it will go to the dump.

Some of it triggers great emotion in him. He told me about some of the things she had done, or failed to do. The time the lights went out because she didn't pay the electric bill, or the $4,000 gas bill because she turned up the thermostat in the garage to maximum, forgot about it and he found out a week later. A small lottery win was a shopping spree.

I'm glad to have been able to help him out in small ways, such as taking down and boxing two custom neon signs, cleaning out some storage space he's unable to get into because he has the two bags hanging from his mid section.

We'll be going back in another 3-4 weeks, and I'll spend some more time, even if it's just to listen.

Another piece written somewhere around 2005. It's something I've always intended to publish, someday, and have never gotten around to it. I cleaned it up a bit from as-written at the time.

I'm going to be mostly offline for the next month-ish as we are heading off to visit our Daughter and spend some time with our Granddaughter.

The Fine Art of Riding a Menstrual Cycle

A Man's Guide for Learning to Live With the Women We Love.......

Before we get too far into this topic, it's time for a POP QUIZ. Married men and those living with a woman for more than one month should know the answer to this question. Single men need to know this if they ever plan on becoming involved with woman for more than one night.

Q: How many wheels on a Menstrual Cycle?

Answer is given at the bottom of the page.

I'm offering this, my observations; as a result of being married to a woman I love for what have now been more than twenty five years. I do not purport to be an expert on this subject, nor this to be considered a definitive essay.

I would welcome offerings and insights from other men, in order to help those that follow on their attempts to learn the Fine Art of Riding a Menstrual Cycle.

If I receive enough input from other men, I would consider publishing the results under the proposed title...

Head-bolt Torque Specifications for Diesel Lawnmowers Manufactured Prior to 1963, 2nd Edition, Revised.

Authored by; U. Hopelesschmuck

This will discourage the women we love from ever reading this book, and discovering our empowerment over the Fine Art of Riding a Menstrual Cycle. Men know there was no revision to the 2nd edition.

In the words of Red Green;

"Remember men, we're in this boat together, and the women are standing on the shore laughing at us!"

First, a bit of background on Menstrual Cycles...

The women we love have always had these cycles.

Early wise women took note of the fact that their cycles followed the lunar phases, hence they were known as "moon cycles". Because life was regulated by the sun and the moon, whole villages of women would have their moon cycle at once, and would gather together and spend these days giving each other make-overs, and swap stories on bloating and cramps.

For the longest time, these moon cycles were allowed to occur naturally, and as you may guess, were quite messy.

Deciding they could accomplish more (such as horseback riding, mountain climbing, and jumping up to yell "SURPRISE" at parties) if they could contain the mess, some industrious women began to experiment.

Since the idea was to contain the mess in a small area, such as one would contain livestock by putting them in a paddock, they became know as moon cycle paddocks. This was later shortened to moon cycle pads.

Those women who had access to finery experimented making these moon cycle pads with materials such as cotton, linen, wool and silk. Poorer women, on the other hand, were forced to try using what materials nature provided them, such as soft grasses, rushes, straw and twigs.

This goes a long way in explaining why some women are crankier than others during their moon cycle.

At some point, a Husband decided that his need for sex was not being met during his Wife's moon cycle.

Since Women were considered to be property, their lives were under the complete control of Men, be it Husband or Father. This was recognized as an area where a Man did not have complete control over a Woman, and was therefore, intolerable.

The Husband said as much to his Wife, and decreed that from now on, she could not have her moon cycle without his permission...

It did not take very long for this Husband to learn that this was the one area of a Woman's life that he could not have any, never mind complete, control over, so he abandoned the idea and decided that if he was not going to get laid, he might as well go kill something.

With that, hunting became more of a sport than a necessity. This will be discussed in a later Chapter.

During the re-telling of this story of her Husband's decree to her BFF, the Wife laughingly referred to her moon cycle as her "Man's cycle".

As the WGN (Woman's Girlfriend Network) passed along this story of a Wife and her Man's cycle, it evolved to become a Men's cycle. Topics of this nature were not discussed in the presence of Men, so we remained blissfully unaware.

One Husband, returning home unexpectedly, overheard his Wife use the term Men's cycle, and being unfamiliar with it, wanted to know what it meant.

Not wishing to reveal this nugget of knowledge to her Husband, the Wife replied, "I was just talking to Joan here about my "Menstrual cycle". Again, a blank look crossed her husband's face, so she continued, “You know dear, it's when a woman's body uses blood to loosen, and slough away the lining of the uterus, so it may prepare itself for the next phase of the reproductive cycle".

Never hearing of such things before, the Husband turned green, quickly excused himself, and ran off. After that, whenever Women want to get a Man to leave the room so they may speak freely amongst themselves, they will discuss their menstrual cycles.

It is interesting to note that it was about this time that the first coffee houses and taverns appeared, giving the men some place to go….

Now that you have an understanding of the history of menstrual cycles, we can begin to further expand our knowledge.

The first step is learning to balance the cycle. Although it is typically based on a 28 day (i.e.: lunar) rotation, it can be broken into three parts....

Part 1; I'm just getting my menstrual cycle.

Part 2; I'm having my menstrual cycle.

Part 3; I'm just finishing my menstrual cycle.

These three parts will involve approximately 27 of the 28 days in the rotation, which leaves very little room for error.

You should understand that Part 2 usually begins on a Friday, and especially on a payday Friday. The combination of payday Friday/long weekend is almost guaranteed to trigger the start of Part 2, and booking a romantic getaway weekend is not advised.

The combination of payday Friday/long weekend/full moon, is the worst possible combination, and is compounded by having two or more women residing in the same dwelling, since any women that can experience a menstrual cycle will, and those that can’t, will join in, just because.

Should you find yourself in this situation, your only hope is to distract the woman/women you love with a large quantity of chocolate while you retreat to a safe distance. For emergencies such as this, you should maintain an ample supply of a good quality chocolate.

It is possible to learn the cycle pattern of the woman you love so that you may stand a ghost of a chance of avoiding the above listed situations.

Simply look at the calendars in your dwelling, and see if any of them have a "P", "M", or "C" beside the date.

Other subtle symbols may include a death's head, pistol, or mushroom cloud. If you cannot find a calendar with these markings, you can still figure out the cycle pattern by reverse engineering.

Simply recall the last time the Woman you love blamed you for something that was not in your power to control. For example, “They didn't have the shoes I liked, in the colour I wanted!" This was the start of the last Part 2.

There are two explanations for an interruption in the cycle pattern......

Pregnancy...which is your fault!
Menopause...which is also your fault!

These topics will be discussed in depth at a later date.

For now, I suggest you take this information, and keep it to yourself.

If, you must insist on putting this to hard copy so you may share it with other men, I suggest you use an edible, and possibly pleasant tasting paper, with beer based ink, as it may be necessary to destroy these notes, and you may not have quick access to a shredder or flame-thrower.

Refer to these notes only when you are sure you are not being observed by the Woman you love. If this information were to fall into feminine hands, the WGN would spread the word of their existence, and the knowledge imparted will no longer be valid, as women would suddenly change the rules, and we would have to begin again the process of data mining their secrets under much closer scrutiny.

Many men put themselves in great danger (and not the fun kind that involves alcohol and/or explosives) to secure and pass along this valuable information. Do not allow their sacrifice to be in vain.

From POP QUIZ at the top of the page.

The correct answer is...Yes, Dear!

A lesson to be learned from a tragedy.

Sorry if this gets a bit wordy, I believe the context is necessary.

We've been friends for 35+/- years. He was the Night DJ at a local AM Station and I was the Janitor/Boilerman at a Manufacturing Plant. I called in one night to make a request, and we clicked. I would chalk it up to us both working jobs that involved almost zero Human contact.

We have kept in touch over the years and I've been there for some of his important moments, such as the passing of his Parents. He inherited the house, and later on met and started dating a Woman that was long-time divorced with two Adult Children. We attended their Wedding 10 years ago.

There have been ups and downs, just like many other relationships and our conversations included discussion on "Why do Wives/Women do that?"

She had worked in Banking for many years, and after the thrill of Radio and its shitty pay dried up he moved over to driving a Garbage Truck. They sold his house and moved to a quieter area. He was content to let her take care of the day-to-day running of the house and pay all the bills so he could pay attention to building his shop where he could indulge his hobby of wrenching on cars.

Over the last five or so years, her behaviours changed. She made sudden, big purchases ( a new car she didn't need) and decided to get into "Healing and Spirituality" by jetting off to Europe in order to learn how to do it.

He was pissed off, and let her know. It changed nothing and he didn't follow through to stop the money suck.

Then came the Cancers. Prostate first, and after treatment for that it was Colon. That resulted in a Colostomy Bag, and later, a Urostomy Bag as the Tumour re-grew and attached itself to his Bladder.

He wasn't able to work, she had retired (both were +65) and money became an issue. She was there to care for him, I'll give her that much. Taking him to appointments, advocating on his behalf with the Medical issues and care and generally keeping him propped up through it all. She had taken to asking friends for money to cover shortfalls (we helped a few times) and had paid it back. They were in the process of getting ready to sell their house so they could downsize and get out from under the current debt load.

Around Easter, I got a phone call from him. He told me, "She was gone", as in dead... Sudden, unexpected and at that moment she was still on the Kitchen floor where the Paramedics had worked to revive her, and was now waiting on the Coroner to arrive.

It was then the realization struck that he had no idea of what she did with respect to their finances. They kept separate accounts, and he had no access to hers and an almost zero balance in his. Her Daughter has been a tremendous help in him navigating some of those issues, and he is a bit less panicked.

He's been at the task of cleaning out her stuff, still intent on selling. Now, he's finding out where so much money went...

At the same time as borrowing money for gas, cigarettes and bills from friends, she was buying things online with her own credit card. Expensive items, still boxed, squirreled away in her "Craft Room" that was difficult to enter because of the sheer amount it contained.

He knew nothing about it because it was easier to stay silent than upset the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" trope.

The only good part is they did have updated Wills, and in a small way, because their finances weren't co-mingled, he will avoid being held responsible for her personal debt. He's also just been given the news that Cancer is back, this time in his Stomach and he just had his first Chemo.

I'm going to visit him soon (we live about 1,000 miles apart) and help him sort through the mountain of stuff. I want to see him get better and be able to live a quiet life, this one under his complete control.

Here is a recipe I've been making for at least 30 years that has been well received by anyone that tries it.

Bacon, Leek and Potato Soup

For this recipe, you will need a pot of approximately 10 litre capacity, a large frying pan, and a hand blender.

5 lbs of russet potatoes

1 Kg of bacon

Three large leeks

1-2 litres of whole milk

Peel and cut up the potatoes. Rinse to remove the excess starch, and add a small amount of salt, water to cover. Boil at medium heat.

Cut up the leeks fine, and soak in cold water for half hour, swishing around to remove dirt. (cutting them lengthwise in half or quarters helps the process) Drain well to remove excess water before cooking.

Cut up the bacon fine, and cook over medium heat until crisp. Set aside, and cook the leeks in the remaining fat.

Once the potatoes are cooked, remove from heat and don’t drain the water, start blending them with the hand blender until pureed. Add milk to thin out.

Once the leeks are cooked to soften, add them and the bacon to the potato puree and continue to blend until smooth. Check the blender (unplug it first) to clean out the bottom during the process so there are no large pieces left. Add additional milk to thin soup to desired consistency.

Return pot to low heat, stirring to prevent burning on the bottom.

Serve hot with shredded cheddar cheese on top.