@RickySpanish

How do you deal with a womans intrusive gay best friend? I want this guy gone.

My LTR has a gay best friend who’s a flamboyant homosexual. Apparently just about every guy she’s ever dated has had an issue with him. They work together, usually in the city which is a decent drive from where she lives. She told me recently that she spends the night at his house out of convenience and also SHARES THE SAME BED WITH HIM.

I kept the conversation really simple and told her that I wasn’t cool with it and she should’ve told me that before we got into a LTR and introduced me to her whole family. Obviously she didn’t understand why it was an issue. I made it clear that it would have to stop and if it happens again I can’t stay committed to her. She actually asked me if I would get her a hotel whenever she needs to spend the night, to which I said absolutely not and that she needs to just go home and sleep in her own bed.

If this happens again, I’m dumping her. Ultimately though it’s really not what I want. In a perfect world she would just e too being friends with this guy. Anyone else been through this scenario?

That reads like a particularly disturbing s#!t test. You're clearly a kinder man than I would've been in that situation.

How do you deal with a womans intrusive gay best friend? I want this guy gone.

My LTR has a gay best friend who’s a flamboyant homosexual. Apparently just about every guy she’s ever dated has had an issue with him. They work together, usually in the city which is a decent drive from where she lives. She told me recently that she spends the night at his house out of convenience and also SHARES THE SAME BED WITH HIM.

I kept the conversation really simple and told her that I wasn’t cool with it and she should’ve told me that before we got into a LTR and introduced me to her whole family. Obviously she didn’t understand why it was an issue. I made it clear that it would have to stop and if it happens again I can’t stay committed to her. She actually asked me if I would get her a hotel whenever she needs to spend the night, to which I said absolutely not and that she needs to just go home and sleep in her own bed.

If this happens again, I’m dumping her. Ultimately though it’s really not what I want. In a perfect world she would just e too being friends with this guy. Anyone else been through this scenario?

@Mate1212 I don't judge it, and I have too, on several occasions.

However (sort of speaking for myself, but also in general), I view going behind a woman's back as a lack of frame, assertiveness, and outcome independence. Possibly also a lack of SMV, or at least confidence in one's SMV.

I think a man who has all these aspects of his life covered, and knows it, wouldn't have a problem straight up telling his wife/girlfriend that he's going to get some on the side.

He'd be secure in the knowledge he could handle the negative vibes without it affecting his mood.

He'd be secure in the knowledge his SMV is high enough that she would come to accept it.

And if shit hit the fan, he'd have the outcome independence to just go "alright, there's the door" if she wanted to leave him over it.

Obviously, there are other aspects to consider - like if you have kids, and don't want to split the family for their sake, or divorce laws that would clean you out.

But that is the baseline of what I'm thinking with regards to men cheating.

Do I regret it? No. It's what I wanted at the time, and it helped me take some distance, keep my mood up, and not to beg for sex. But I do wish I had the backbone to just tell her at the time that's what I was going to do (telling, not asking for permission). I don't have any moral qualms with the act of a man cheating, but I do think it betrays a lack of certain masculine qualities when you can't be transparent about stuff.

It's basically nice guy behavior, hiding your "badness".

@Mate1212 There are very few hard and fast rules in life.

I can't see why a sane man would tolerate a woman cheating -he might end up raising another man's children as his own. This is a sound biological reason that makes cheating women repellent for men unless they have a bit of a malfunction that gives them a kink for it.

Its not quite the same for women, its not about the pollution of your vessel, its about the loss of resources. This can be more or less serious depending on how much resources there are and how much she needs. If there is still enough benefit in the relationship, she will not be repulsed but she may be set on edge and made competitive or defensive.

No one has ever asked me if I regret cheating. Its a question I have never asked myself. It sounds strange to say that but I think about stuff lots up front and live with the consequences.

What I did then makes my life what it is today. It had family consequences that still carry on today, even though now I am only with one of the women I cheated with not the one I cheated on. My children know I had multiple women. My lady knows she borrowed me with a plan to steal me but I only eventually came over to her full time when I thought the balance of family interest fell that way -I saw it as a matter of responsibility to look to the interests of the majority of my dependents not my personal preference for her. That stings her, as does the fact that I won't marry her. My conservative family think I am a black sheep. I am still not sure if my father thinks he can trust me entirely.

Would I do it again, knowing what the consequences would be? In the same circumstances -probably in most of the cases. I did, after all, think hard about it up front and wanted to enough.

Maybe what I learned along the way would actually put me in positions where I would not be cheating to start. I hope it would. I got with some women that were not really high enough value to satisfy and then wanted more. I should have avoided that by avoiding the easy wins. I learned a lot about life and humanity and had a number more children than I would have. I stopped being a good sheep and played my own game and won, albeit at a price. One thing I learned about was the limits of women, what is enough to satisfy me in a woman and which ones to avoid.

Would I cheat again where I am now in my life -very unlikely, even though no marriage contract restrains me and I am not particularly happy in my relationship. I just want to do more in life than chase about pleasing women. Women are like fairgrounds -you put energy and resources into powering them up and they are for a short time all bright and fun but what do they give back? However, sometimes you need to experience a thing to see its not all that it is cracked up to be. Its no use never going to the fair just because your dad told you its a waste of money.