@Nich2022

Some advice needed. Oneitius? Guilt?

What’s up brothers, this may be bit of a long post but in need of some advice once again.

Have any of you ever felt the guilt, pain of losing a good woman, whatever that is to you? Knowing you were at fault, like in my case, a bit too “Alpha” and not enough “beta”.

To me, she was an 8, cooked, cleaned, wanted family/kids, didn’t have hoe friends, didn’t want to club, good family, sex was good. She was ok with me having sex with other women (then changed her mind on that) but realized she really didn’t want that lifestyle, silly like I liked, not a feminist, conservative, gym girl etc

But when I had her, I wasn’t fully present. I didn’t realize what I had until she fully walked away. We argued a lot, mainly about other women and other small things here and there. She claimed I undervalued her and didn’t really respect her nor did I want to compromise. No I wasn’t perfect. But I also wasn’t THAT bad. We had lots of fun, laughs, deep talks, sex, etc she liked me for a reason above all the other men she talked to before we got exclusive. She kept running back to me.

We argued about finance structure, decision making and she wanted equality in making big decisions and stuff like that.

Then when she walked away, I did the cardinal sin of chasing and trying to get her back, which seems like it made it worse. However, she did come running back but I was upset/egotistical and told her I needed some time to think. (This was in the span of 1 week).

Then by that time, long story short, she started dating other guys. Now she’s officially done. We talk here and there and I tried to get her back and the guilt is eating me up that my ego and lack of knowledge in LTR lost me an amazing woman. She was no saint as far as body count but she also was not a whore like many western women.

So now, she’s getting closer with these guys but why do I feel like I still have hope after she told me many times she cannot do it? Is it cause we’re still in contact? I’m having a hard time letting go. Oneitis?

It’s crazy because this isn’t myself, she always known me as the alpha type and this is what attracted her in the first place.

I have lots going on for myself, good job making over 6 figs, businesses picking back up, some side hustles, shredded, tons of hobbies, now becoming more emotionally intelligent and realizing it’s more than just being “alpha”. I’ve slept with close to 60 women if I had to guess.

I’m talking to a few women from dating apps and hooked up with one and I am going to start getting out here more but she’s still on my mind about “what if”, I wanted her to see the improved mental version of myself becuase tbh I could have did many things wayyyy better. And that is what’s eating me up. It’s eating me up becuase it’s hard to find good women like that. My confidence is shot because she turned so cold.

I get urges to text/call her and just try again. But now it’s almost like running into a brick wall unfortunately. I think the new guys she’s met are making her forget about me even quicker. But I still believe it was a reason she stayed this long in my life (3.5 years). I was her type, until I wasn’t.

I’ve definitely learned my lesson and maybe that’s why God allowed this to happen. Otherwise i probably would have been stuck in the ego loop of my way or the highway.

Any of you bros have had an experience like that? How did you get past it? Did you find someone better in your mind & forget about the ex? I’m 31 and this is a painful feeling. I appreciate tough love.

Side note: could these be because she is probably top 5 hottest women I’ve been with. Coupled with her personality.

My own answer: I need to accept this as a lesson, she was a great girl but that doesn’t mean I will not find another one. I should work on myself mentally and strive to find my own masculine identity independent of any woman becuase even if I did everything right, a woman can still leave. My ego was too big because I was getting everything I wanted and got too comfortable, emotionally. I should accept she’s no longer here and find other ways to fill my time and torch the past and not make the same mistake in next LTR.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.

@Wintergreen

Best place to meet women in 2025?

I’m 28. I live in a city that has nothing to do.

Most of all of this time I used online dating. I currently don’t use online dating (I’d be open to it again but just don’t have new pictures right now).

Aside from that I’ve done club game. What I’ve noticed is that even dudes who talk about women all the time and act like they’re fucking left and right don’t actually talk to girls in the club very much.

Is there another place to meet women? I want to have a roster, which I’ve never had, but I would prefer to do all the meeting of women during the day as much as possible. Is this possible? Where should I go? I’m honestly wondering how dudes ever had a roster before online dating because none of these dudes ever talk to women in person.

P.S. Almost all of the club game I’ve done has been 1+ hours away. I’m fine with driving. Is the beach a good option? Is it frowned upon to approach women at the beach?

Edit: my thoughts are either the beach or maybe restaurants. However, I find restaurants to be extremely awkward for talking to girls. I can also join some kind of meetups.com thing if there are attractive girls in any, but from what I’ve seen many meetups groups feature unattractive women and men.

Study the book and make plans to move to a more lively city.

Failing that, supermarkets, grocery stores, libraries, museums, music classes, continuing education classes, aerobics and cardio exercise classes, swimming pools, doctors offices, restaurants, cafes, cafeterias, bowling alleys, meetup groups, and the list goes on. The only thing limiting you is your own imagination and drive to interact with women. The thinking shouldn't be finding the best places to meet women, but rather finding places that offer the best odds you'll come across women you can at the least, converse with. Afterwards, it will come down to two things. Whether you have the confidence in yourself to engage them in those moments with the wit to calmly handle their disinterest and rejection. Secondly, whether you're also keeping an eye out for comfortable places to potentially take them for your dates other than your home.

@Mofreer

is this scarcity talking, or is it worth trying?

I’ve been casually dating for the past five years, but recently I got into a serious relationship. It started long-distance, but she actually moved in with me last week—sooner than either of us planned.

She’s attractive, does the cooking and cleaning, and our physical connection is strong—we’re intimate multiple times a day. Before making things official, we had a quick talk about what we both expect in a relationship, and I made it clear that staying in touch with exes is a dealbreaker for me. She told me that she doesn't keep contact with them, which I appreciated.

After we became official, I brought it up again just to be sure, and she reassured me that there’s no communication with them.

But recently I found out that her definition of “not keeping in touch” is… flexible. She doesn’t message them directly, but she still interacts with their posts on social media. I even noticed that some of them seem to have access to more personal content she shares—like stories that aren’t public. At the very least, it seems like she’s still feeding off their attention—and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I really do like her, and we’ve been having a good time together. Still, this crosses a line for me. I feel like if I bring it up again, it might have to be in the context of ending the relationship—but part of me thinks there’s potential here, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

For context, I’m not hung up on anyone from my past. I’ve been completely loyal, and maybe that loyalty has made me a bit too scarce emotionally.

So now I’m stuck wondering: Is breaking up the only logical step, since she hasn’t respected this boundary or even tried to understand it? Or is this my own scarcity mindset blowing it out of proportion?

Ending things right after she moved in feels abrupt, but the fact that she’s still emotionally entertaining other people while I’m 100% focused on her… makes me think I should start emotionally detaching and maybe even consider opening myself up to others too.

There's an attractive woman you've been longing for in your home, cooking, cleaning, engaging in regular heavy petting after five years of long-distance interactions, but one week in and the honeymoon seems to already be dimming, just slightly. You're reluctant to eject this woman from your home after discovering her deal-breaking lie, but as the old saying goes, "Lie to me once, shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me." And brother, you best believe more lies will be coming now that she knows your resolve and follow-through are as weak as they are.

Females are vastly better at manipulating men, than the male ego is inclined to acknowledge, so much so that even with game we'll never be as good and I strongly suspect that's why she's able to exploit your one-itis and scarcity thinking. If you'd had more confidence in yourself in other facets of your life, I doubt you'd have entered into a long-distance relationship, let alone installed this woman into your home without at least reaching out to us sooner for advice to better prepare. These sort of situations are annoyingly stupid, because this site exists to help you succeed, but most guys come to us after they've already failed, when the best time tested proven strategies with most things in life are advance planning and preventive care.

Additionally, what complicates matters is that depending on where you live, especially in parts of the U.S., after thirty days a tenant has to be formally evicted, which can be a costly process. In some parts, after two years a woman can be considered a common law wife. If either of those are at all applicable to your situation, then the clock is really ticking fast. I honestly think you should get rid of her, but you don't strike me as the sort who would follow such advice. It's likely been quite a few years since you've had female companionship and you're not eager to part with it now that you've got some.

So, just as before, what you do next is entirely up to you. Regardless of what choice you make, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

I also strongly recommend you consider investing into a discrete internal car and home audio/video surveillance system as well as develop an exit strategy for yourself. If she ever lets her mask slip and calls the police, you don't want to find yourself subject to Duluth model law enforcement without tangible proof of her false claims against you. Most people are stupid, and cops are somewhat people too. Somewhat, but just as stupid as anyone else, if not more so.

@otbt2

LTR completely ignoring me - is she planning on breaking up with me?

So I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for just over a year. We’ve lived together for the last 8 months in college and we've had recurring fights throughout the relationship, mostly stemming from me calling out a lack of effort on her part—whether it’s not even offering to do simple tasks for me such as cooking like she did before, having no hobbies, or not really showing up for quality time as she'd prefer to doomscroll 24/7—and her flipping it into me thinking she’s not good enough. We went home from college two weeks ago, easily the roughest two weeks of my life due to psychopath brother/many deadlines/working full time .

She started getting disrespectful by drinking from 3pm and ending up at the club until 2am when it was supposed to only be a "work lunch" and I told her if she's going to behave like the town bike I'm going to treat her like one and leave her if she does it again, among other things and I slipped up by breaking frame and asking about her body count and who this guy is that’s liking her stories and posts every day (she’s liked his posts in the past). She got enraged and said it’s none of my business—even though she made me cut off my old female friends early in the relationship.

Over the next few days I tried to deescalate, but she kept pressing the issue, acting like I was in the wrong. Eventually I snapped and called her out—told her she’s a shitty person (based on past behavior and current secrecy), and after a round of insults from her, I asked if she's done insulting me and she ghosted me and left me on read for a week.

After a week of no contact, I sent her a confident post-workout pic (I'm in great shape) and asked if she wanted to get a nice hotel and blow off some steam. She opened it instantly, saved it, didn’t reply. I followed up with a cocky message a couple hours later. Next day she replied: “I don’t think that’s what we need right now, but if you send me the money you owe me that would be great.” I told her I would when work pays me. Left on delivered again.

Next day (today) I asked if she was ready to talk—left on delivered for 8+ hours now. She’s also deleted most of her nudes from our chat and removed me from close friends on insta.

Here’s the deal: I found out she hid something major from me when we first got together—enough to walk away over—but since we’ve lived together all year, I’ve been keeping her around for fun. I plan to break up for good when I move out in July. I just can’t afford a breakup right now with exams coming up in 3 weeks—it’d mess with my mental.

I wasn't planning on messaging her again but now I'm unsure if I should just break up with her and unadd her or go for a different approach and post a shirtless photo on my public story/ post a story of me out with friends etc.

I've never prioritised her as I've got a solid career path, gym/boxing routine, good social circle, and I know my value—I’m not worried if she walks. Just would prefer to keep her around for another while/ FWB her.

**she just responded "what is it you want to say?"

The situation isn't that she's planning to break up with you, but that it already happened several months ago, and you're only now figuring that out. It's probably best that you abandon hopes that she'll be interested in a friends with benefits situation. Instead, focus on wrapping up the academic semester as strongly as you can, accept that this relationship is done, and move on accordingly. She's emotionally withdrawn from you. Without her interest in you, there's nothing to salvage. While not ideal, the situation absolves you of any further reason to concern yourself with her anymore, so let her go.

When the semester is over, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.