The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy: ALPHA

@PepeBull

My wife doesn’t love me anymore. What do I do?

I’m 33 and my wife is 32. We met in college. We were both virgins when we met. We have been married for 6 years, and we have a kid together and another one on the way (she is due any day now).

She used to be madly in love with me for the first few years of our relationship. Super affectionate, wrote me love letters, cuddly, etc.

Then we drifted apart as life got more stressful and bad things happened. She lost her father unexpectedly, I was chronically overworked and stressed by medical school and being a doctor. She resented that I was addicted to weed and porn (I have since quit both)…

We argued more and more. Resentment built up. She had a medical issue that made sex painful for her for a long time so we rarely had sex, and then she further lost sex drive after giving birth…

I developed an anger issue along the way while she became less and less affectionate. She would never say “I love you” unprompted or initiate hugs or kisses. She developed insomnia, which she blamed on me waking her at night, and eventually we just slept in separate rooms every night. We had some major fights.

It all came to a head four months ago when we had this one really big argument about money. Note that I am the sole breadwinner and money manager/investor (and have done quite well), while she is a stay at home mom. She grew concerned over how much I was investing and she worried that our joint account was running too low and we would run out of money for basic needs, so she opened up a personal checking account and withdrew a few thousand dollars into it from our joint account. I got really upset and demanded she put the money back. I yelled a lot and kicked a door. We cooled off (or so I thought)…but then police arrived later that night and arrested me, as she had secretly called the cops. This was the third time she had called the cops on me during arguments but it was the first time that they arrested me. She says she didn’t intend for me to get arrested for what it’s worth…

Shortly after my arrest, she filed a restraining order and filed for divorce.

I was completely devastated. I begged and pleaded with her, and ultimately she agreed to freeze (but not outright withdraw) the divorce and work on building back our relationship. She modified the restraining order to allow us to meet up, which we have been. She says she agrees to cancel the restraining order when the court date for it comes in 3 months. Meanwhile I have been going to therapy as mandated by the court.

It seems like we are working towards getting back together, but she refuses to frame it as us just having a really rough patch and working through it because we still love each other. When I ask her it she loves me, she says something like “I don't know if I will be able to love you again after all that has happened,” which is super depressing and frustrating to me. She says the marriage we had is dead and that we need to basically pretend like we are starting from scratch and dating each other to build trust and maybe love will come back…

What am I supposed to do in this situation? Feels like I am expected to audition for my own life. I feel powerless, hopeless, and humiliated.

What should I do?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo

Pause and take the time to seriously process the situation you're marriage is currently in, instead of reacting to it. Treat this like you're an intelligence agency director or military commander pulling together the resources needed to defeat a civil war-insurgency he was fully aware was developing, but previously disinterested, or too preoccupied with other more pressing concerns, to engage. You're not a doctor trying to save a dying patient here, or a mechanic trying to repair a totaled car, or even a knight trying to save a damsel in distress. You're gearing up to fight a war with an enemy who is vastly better prepared to destroy you.

Focus on restraining your anger by gathering as much tangible verifiable info as you can to inform yourself on the situation before you make any more decisions or take any further actions. Discern potential assets from enemies among your shared social circle and kin. Use that information to decide the who, what, when, where, how, and why you're willing to sacrifice assets to achieve your goal. If you're not doing so, check out married red pill, ask them questions, and consider reading the books they recommend.

If you haven't done so, ask your attorney if you reside in a one party consent state and hire a private investigator to help you get as much information as you can to thoroughly inform yourself on the situation. If you maintain an apartment close to work, away from your family home, use that as your base of operations where you keep and review any information you never want your wife to even be aware you're looking into or exists. Whenever you're at the family home and the wife gets you angry, immediately put on your shoes, coat, hat, and promptly retreat to that apartment. As law enforcement has been brought into this conflict, install call recording apps onto your mobile phones, print email transcripts to file, get digital recording tools for any landlines you use, purchase yourself a body cam, as well as internal car and home surveillance equipment. Be aware of circulating hearsay, but do not concern yourself with it until you've confirmed its being used against you. Document its use, and consult with your attorney to determine if its worth pursuing the other party over.

With what you've shared with us complete and total strangers about the chaotic last few years of the marriage, how you reacted to the things she said and did is perfectly understandable. I won't belittle, diminish, deride, or deny you your feelings, while she uses hers to justify and validate actions which undermine the marriage and endangers the household. Despite how things have developed, that you wish to salvage the relationship, and marriage, you have with your wife is admirable, but it's very unlikely that your relationship with her will return to what it was. Regardless of how this matter concludes, you two will only come to an understanding. What that understanding will be, I can't say, as your actions will decide that.

@First-light

arctotherium.substack.com/p/review-of-j-d-unwins-sex-and-culture

This is an extremely interesting analysis.

Unwin has a ftamework that combines the Right with the Left perspective: the Left corresponds, roughly, in "internal expansion", what used to be called progress, while the Right is at least open to "external expansion".

Under this schema, what passes as "the Left" in the West, in the past few decades, is really another name for right-wing policies. Humanitarian wars and neoliberal policies have nothing to do with what the Left stood up for.

In any case, what that framework offers is the view that women repurpose energy that could be used elsewhere, to be directly consumed by their vanity.

As far as I'm personally concerned, I'm in for internal expansion, and I'm against external expansion. Not because the later it's unrealistic, it might as well be very realistic. It has to do with my personal taste and my stubborn idea that I will inpose my will on the world.

@Jonah

28M virgin, 178 cm . Finally started getting dates but unable to move beyond first.

28M virgin, 178 cm . Finally started getting dates but unable to move beyond first.

I used to be a huge lurker back in 2019-20 on original Redpill subreddit. And learned some. Read the rational male , book of pook, sidebar numerous times and had been trying to approach women but over 7 years I got 0 dates. I am kinda average looking , slim And of avg height (178 cm). I tried bulking up but I got injury which put me out for a solid 3 years.

Right now, I am 28M virgin, Since I wasn't getting dates irl so, got good photos and downloaded hinge. Got 80 matches of which Managed to score 3 dates. All 3 unmatched after first date and didn't pursue for a 2nd one. Somehow hinge matched me with everyone who's looking for something serious . I don't know if we didn't connect or they didn't find me attractive enough. I tried doing "game", maintained a playful smile with intense eye contact, flirting constantly. I asked them about themselves, made sure to keep the conversation to themselves. Each one of them asked "How many more girls are you seeing", which to me sounded like it's going good as they don't ask this, unless they're attracted. I also maintained high energy, agreed and amplified (like they asked why did you choose this place away from your home , I just said I put on the big map of rhe city blindfolded myself and see where it landed. ( It was just close to her place)

But at the same time, they rejected physical touch, and would not dance when I asked. They also didn't compliment me at all, which sounds like again they weren't attracted to me.

This looks like a constant pattern, I am able to get first dates but no escalations beyond that. I have not able to meet anyone without apps in the past 7 years, approaching hasnt worked and I am not sure how to proceed as a virgin at almost 30. Please help me out.

TLDR (through gpt):

28M, average-looking, virgin. Spent years consuming Redpill content and trying to approach women IRL with no success. Recently switched to Hinge, got ~80 matches and 3 first dates, but all ended after the first meet.

On dates, used playful “game,” high energy, teasing, and focused conversation on them. They asked if he was seeing other girls (seemed like interest), but rejected physical escalation and didn’t show strong attraction signals.

Pattern: can get first dates via apps, but no second dates or physical progression. Unsure whether it’s lack of attraction, connection, or approach. Looking for direction on what to change

It reads like you're getting back into dating after a hiatus, but you're noticing something is off regarding your social skills. If you've any friends and acquaintances you've noticed similar problems with, try and get feedback regarding your interactions with them to help you identify the problem. It's probably for the best that you focus on your professional life, exercise, diet, and communication skills.

In the meantime, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@First-light

Let me elaborate:

I'm not claiming that "nothing inherently good". Obviously, looks is inherently good, and related to good health.

I mainly have psychopathy in mind, as well as other "fast life" genes.

The most represenaltative example is Huntington's disease. It's genetic, leathal, and has a higher representation in the population than what would be expected, mainly because it leads to disinhibition, and women like that.

So, a specific trait that is attractive to females "might have nothing to do with adaptive quality". This is the area of "genetic viruses".

Mine is all an argument against the pedestalization of the female sexual strategy. I believe that nowadays, that it is endorsed by the system and is protected from the male-sociey's checks, it is detrimental rather than adaptive, the same way a virus let loose on a virgin population.

I was reading Rollo's takedown of the Mate Switching Hypothesis in favor of the Dual Mating Strategy and I want to raise an issue that is monumental, but doesn't receive the proper attention.

It has to do with the "good genes" part of the DMS. First thing, "good genes" means "good in the context of the Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness (EEA)". That much is acknowledged.

Second, and my specific point, is that what the female attraction circuits perceive as "good" might have nothing to do with adaptive quality, and be just a superstimulus. That's how psychopathy holds a niche in societies. It's not women's business to contain it: that's left to the wider society. Women have notoriously narrow social scope, and their limiting switches are external.

Evolution famously proceeds in random directions.

My point is that today there is really nothing inherently "good" about the female sexual strategy boosting "good" male genes. Whether a "superstimulus gene" proves adaptive, neutral or maladaptive takes several generations, and has no straightforward relation to the person's wellbeing.