@kend

Is watching porn bad for the brain? I need a confirmation to stop watching it. On the web some say that it's bad and the other half says the opposite!

Whether watching pornography is bad for ones physical and mental health is regularly discussed on TRP. You'll also come across some links with information pointing out the various ways in which all participants are being exploited. In the few years I've observed the discussion here, it's clear that the hedonists, sensualists, and Satanists are adamant that it's perfectly fine, primarily because they argue that primal desires for sexual release is all the reason needed to seek it out.

Give them enough scrutiny and you will notice them as they will apply this ideological delusion to justify, rationalize, and even defend pedophilia, homosexuality, as well as gender dysphoria Frankly, I wouldn't be particularly surprised if they're card carrying members of NAMBLA, similar organizations, and have robust connections to child sex traffickers.

However, when everything is said and done, you must decide for yourself if you're comfortable with using pornography for masturbating. That's you're asking if there's something wrong takes guts. If you have an honest desire to remove pornography use from your life, it would likely be best for you to direct your questions and concerns to the guys over on the nofap.com forum as they specialize in such efforts. I hope you make the choice with the best long term benefit for your physical and mental health. Good luck.

@TwoInchesOfShaft

if it’s better there and less bullying, then it was the trainer who was probably to harsh. Some people are just not made to be in positions of power,

This was one of the plot points of the movie The Karate Kid. He tried an asshole karate studio, then met up with Mr. Miyagi who immediately started him with physical grunt work like wax on, wax off. When he started rebelling at being treated as a slave, Mr. Miyagi said Show me sand the floor! Show me wax on, wax off! then feigned attacks for which these were the responsive moves. This is a difference between uselessly aggressive versus functional "bullying."

@kend I agree with finding a dojo or sparring gym you can stick with. I spent years learning a martial art later in life, and the difference in my frame and confidence is different in ways I couldn't have predicted. If I had done this at 20 my life trajectory would have gone much differently and almost certainly better.

@kend

I have cptsd freeze/fawn and they're my excuse for my shitty social life. I used to get so angry at myself for being a "pussy" and freezing in conflict because i didn't know what the hell was wrong with me but after years of looking for the root problem i found that i had cptsd freeze/fawn. It's a real thing. Now i'm not angry at myself but i use it as an excuse for being a "coward". After reading about it i learned that it's really hard to get rid of it, if not impossible. It's a defence mechanism, found in all mammals. What do you recommend me to do?

For now i go to work I exercise and i develop my craft but i have a shitty social life.

I stand by what I told you last year. Be patient with yourself. Keep training at the boxing gym and when you've learned the basics join in the sparring sessions. Sparring is absolutely necessary to condition you to no longer fear being hit or throwing a punch. Keep lifting weights and doing calisthenics. Walk long distances as time permits. Eat more fiber plants and protein, be it fish, eggs, chicken, pork, lamb, or whatever.

Additionally, consider getting your hands on a copy of "Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" by the late George J. Thompson as it will help you to more effectively communicate with and, if need be, define your boundaries with others. The people who antagonize you will be reluctant to do so in-person if they know you can and will respond with force. This combined with The System: The Dating Dictionary will be invaluable aids for you going forward dealing with people. Good luck.