@universitythrowaway

Did I show too much investment/comfort? And Field Report

I started talking to a girl on a dating app, she’s quite a bit younger than me. After a bit, we moved the convo to Snapchat and talked for about two weeks. Since she lives a bit farther away, I couldn't set up a date right away. During that time, we flirted a lot, had some banter, and did some sexting.

Eventually, when I had free time, I planned a trip to her hometown. I booked a daytime hotel and told her about the plan. She was on board but said, "We're not doing much on the first time meeting each other though." I treated it like a shit test, agreed, and amplified it by saying I wouldn’t even let her get too close to me.

But once we got to the hotel, not even five minutes in, we ended up having sex. We talked, had sex again before checkout, then went out for food together. I complimented her afterward, treated her to meals, but didn’t show too much investment. I’m not sure what she thinks of this though. She calls me “baby” and uses other pet names even though we haven’t talked about dating. She told her friends about our “cute date.”

Now I’m going near her hometown again for another trip and planning to meet her during one of those days. I’ll be staying at a hotel with some friends, but I invited her to hang out and told her I could ask them to leave for a few hours. She said, “No, we can just hang out and do something fun this time.” I suggested we could do both, and she asked, “What if your friends come back?” I reassured her they wouldn’t until I asked, but she still seemed hesitant.

Overall she's a very fun girl, submissive and good company.

I’m trying to figure out if this is another shit test, like before where she doesn’t want to seem like she’s planning for sex, but still wants it — or if she actually wants more commitment and real dates now. Or even if she didn't enjoy the sex, which I don't think so because she asked me how many times she finished during our last round because she doesn't remember. I do compliment her when she sends pictures in outfits so maybe I'm overdoing it. It could also be the fact that she's young and catching feeling already?

Should I make her chase for a bit now and make her want me?

Congrats to your getting laid, but you should seriously consider investing into studying the book if you're aiming for something more. While it's possible you could get a female to chase you, with how earnestly you've chased the one you're talking about, I don't see that happening for you.

You've already invested quite significantly for access to this distant girls body. With the way online dating services are set up, you both knew each others respective locations from the start. You put in two weeks of online chatting, sexting, followed by traveling to her area, reserving a hotel room to bang, and a post-coitus meal. If she's not already figured out she's got zero competition for you, it's only a matter of time until she does, especially as she knows you dropped a good bit of dough on her already.

@quassis2001

Gf forbids me from drinking alcohol

We are both 25 and live together, she cooks etc. We had a talk recently when she said that she does not want me to ever drink alcohol, as she views it as something really bad. She said when I get tipsy or drunk she has flashbacks when her father was drunk and there were always toxic atmosphere then (she has good relations with him, he just behaves bad when drinking). I asked her if i can drink tomorrow couple of beers (not to get drunk but little tipsy, propably 1 or 2 beers max) and she says no. Then she said actually I can as she cant forbid me anything but will be mad at me because she told me how much it means to her. How to proceed? My answer: dont bend to her needs and do as I wish but it will cost me her mood and arguments, but I want to chill when she will he at work (she works late).

Did she betafied me already or is she reasonable? I know alcohol is bad, her main argument is Im more talkative and funny after I drink and she started to like me more after alcohol which leads to bad relationship as you can imagine.

If you haven't, begin studying the book suggested to you a few months back. I'd also seriously recommend you read The Manipulated Man by Esther Vilar as well.

There's not much info to really work with here beyond her expressed preference for drinkers and having a booze hound dad. It doesn't make sense that after all this time together she's suddenly voicing concern over your drinking. I recall that you let us know your girlfriends previous lover was a drunk, so it only makes sense that she'd be attracted to alchies as her father's one too, but what exactly changed to provoke her to request you stop drinking?

If you haven't given her a decisive answer regarding your drinking, ask her questions to better understand this newly realized discomfort she has. While you're at it, kill three birds with one stone and find out what her thoughts are on other easily accessible drugs, like tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, heroine, and over the counter drugs. It'll help give you some insight as what her values are and the kind of personality you exhibit when buzzed. It also couldn't hurt to have someone record you on a smartphone video while buzzed to help you get a sober look at how alcohol alters your consciousness.

@Saltycroc

So you're saying I shouldn't approach them at all??

↑ Your words, not mine.

Talk about a bleak conclusion, though. Whether good looking or not, just because you've chosen a girl that strikes your fancy, it doesn't mean that she's obliged to pick you in kind. It makes no sense for anyone to care why someone they've just met, or known for the briefest of time, isn't interested in them. Should you be disappointed? Sure, but having feelings beyond that one way or the other hints that the despondent party has some serious maturing to do.

In the long run, you're going to fail more than you will succeed in any endeavor you commit yourself to. The challenge is in not letting those failures keep you down and hold you back, such that you don't pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from the failure, revise, and try again later.

By employing cold approaches you're getting vastly better feedback which you can learn from than guys otherwise get with months of online dating, or hookup apps. You also gain more than you lose when any 'bitch', ugly or not, turns you down, than if she accepts. Britain's Prince Harry is learning that lesson the hard way. 'Ugly bitches' are for practice only. If they want to be childless spinsters, you've an ethical responsibility to help them along.

It's better to be rejected as soon as possible, than to get rejected after several years of marriage with children. Divorced guys carry the emotional baggage from that for the rest of their lives.

Study the book and keep having as many face-to-face interactions with females you can as you feel up to it. There is nothing wrong with feeling the juice isn't worth the squeeze from time to time. Take a break and resume when you've rested, but don't continue with any delusion that females are the life goal. Their companionship is the accessory, the man you're otherwise working to be is the goal.

@Theotonic_knight

Girl enthusiastic on date, very slow on text

Hi all,

I've (27) met a girl (22) a week ago at the pool. Approached there and talked for 1-2 hours. Went on a date few days ago in a bar. It was solid - strong eye contact, she began escalating on me getting touchy, getting close to me and signaling for a kiss. She took a selfie with me. After the bar she put her hand around mine while walking. Drove her back to her place and we hugged for prolly 15 mins before she got out. I decided not to eacalate (was it a mistake?) as there was no possibility for sex (she had a roommate). Got a text if I got back home. So on paper, everything is good. She was slow on text (3-5 hrs) before the date, however, she continued like that aftewards. 3 days later I propose we meet to which she says she can't that day and that we should meet later that week. To which I respond "alright" and left it that way. Got needy tonight asking that she didn't mentioned which day she's free. No response yet. Still going out with other girls, however this really bothes me. What's your take with these slow responses, does she play games or goes out with multiple people?

While it's good to read that you're interested in this girl, your lack of communication discipline will be a problem going forward.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.