@diyar

I feel like my needs should be sacrificed to protect that of others. I do this a lot actually.

I'm going to strongly recommend 2 books: "No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover and "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith.

I also recommend going to Rian Stone's YouTube channel and hitting up the related videos from his "sidebar series" playlist. these are intended as companions to the books, and not replacements.

her shit-testing me hurt my ego

1) that didn't read like a shit test, but rather a factual statement that you both had higher priorities

2) a shit test is a good thing, despite its name. Women only do this to men they're attracted to, and only when they have subconscious doubts about the attraction. It's out of instinct, and they rarely realize that they're doing it. It's better viewed as an opportunity to solidify her attraction to you than as some kind of attack.

Days 2 & 3 - 30 Day Small Talk Challenge with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Day 2 Interaction 1 - Paralysis by Analysis There's this other male student that frequents at the library. We've just awkwardly greeted for about a year and there's an uncomfortable tension when I see him. He's not intimidating by any means but I get this feeling of worthlessness mentioned in my previous post. So I stopped to talk with him and asked how his studying was going and he mentioned how our surgery lecturers are retarded and aren't academic enough to teach. There was an awkward pause because there's so much shit regarding our surgery block that I could talk about but my mind blanked out and took me a few seconds to pick one and talk about. What I realized:

• there's no perfect thing to talk about. The conversation is not necessarily about the content but rather its a way to bond with someone else over something common. Pick any thing and go with it.
• Socializing is fatiguing. or is it? May be warming up with a lower stress interaction helps with more stressful ones.
• Coffee seems to make me more talkative (good!) but too much of it makes me get panic attacks.

Interaction 2 - Teach me Or I'll Keep Teasing Goals in this interaction was to talk to a HB7+ (the obviously bitchy kind with many friends and a permanent smirk on her face) for the first time and also meet my minimum daily target: talk to 2 people I'm uncomfortable talking to. She does this stupid pen flicking trick and I opened with an indirect tease. I said "I've seen a few people do this and I was curious if you have to consciously concentrate on doing this trick or can do it involuntarily" (this implies she's just trying to show off and not actually studying). She took it well saying it's voluntary and showed me how to do it.

• What I realized: Girls tend to have this frightened (creeped out) expression after the first few words I utter I used to believe it's due to my demeanor or something physical. But I'm starting to realize it's just because they don't expect to be approached (I live in a super conservative middle eastern country; my setting is my college's library where we were sitting on a shared table). But if I keep talking, they become super friendly and comfortable. So I shouldn't take it personally immediately and gauge her interest just a little bit more before deciding it's a failed interaction. Since I'm studying for my finals I don't actually give a shit about spinning pens, I started to get stressed out and simply politely stopped her and asked her to teach me at another time. I feel like if I kept it going longer my heart would explode. Not really overwhelmed by her but rather my ability to do side quests while under pressure.

Day 3 Interaction 1 - Too Guilty to Proceed.

• I saw the android tablet girl from the first day and since I had nothing to say I jokingly reminded her that she was supposed to teach me a certain language. She replied with "Its the finals isn't it?" Just for context, we're both med students. I'm final year and she's a year my junior. I tried to maintain composure and walked away. This was possible since I was actually hurrying to go somewhere else and my posture enabled me to easily downplay what she says and disengage. What I realized: I feel really bad for actually causing harm (wasting her time during the finals by taking her time to talk with me). In other words, I feel like my needs should be sacrificed to protect that of others. I do this a lot actually. So I felt guilty and didn't want to waste more of her time and quickly disengaged. May be next time I should drag it longer and wait for them to make it clear they have other shit to do or when the posture indicates they're disinterested. In this case she actually stopped to face me and was laughing though the thought of doing this is still disturbing and feels wrong. I'm curious what's your attitude and mindset towards these kinds of situations?
• This affected me significantly. It changed my mood from neutral to bad. Feeling like crap. I don't know why/ May be I thought about her (and our interaction) too much over the days and started developing feelings for her (early stage oneitis/emotionally investing in her) and her shit-testing me hurt my ego (in other words, someone I 'care' about doesn't really give a shit about me). Writing this is horrifying. It means I haven't learned from my prior mistake.

Interaction 2 - Former Enemies

• The awkward guy I talked about on Day 2 - Interaction 1; Approached me today and asked for a small favor (asked me to notify him if there's an empty seat). My impression of him was such that we didn't really like each other (I think we both found each others proximity awkward) What I'm realizing - May be frequency of interactions with a person builds more trust and is probably a good way to build rapport.

Interaction 3 - Not Feeling Like It

• Nothing special just chatting with two friends despite not wanting to do so.

@charlemagne111

I (M24) broke up with my ex (F26) two months ago. We were in a long-term relationship that lasted around four years.

About two years into the relationship, I cheated on her. After that, I realized I didn’t have strong feelings for her for a while, but we stayed together.

Later, I had to move to a different city for work, and we started doing long distance. About a month into it, she asked me to break up. I was too naive back then and decided to trust her instead, especially because when we did long distance previously, things had gone well — she would cry herself to sleep, and when we reunited, we were very intimate, having sex daily.

However, after some time, I found out she had been cheating on me for about six months while I was away. Once I discovered it, I immediately ended things.

Even though I know she betrayed me — and despite my own mistakes in the past — I’m still stuck in her memories and struggling to move on. I don't fully discern why I feel this way, knowing that I had also been the bad guy at one point.

Not much to say as time tends to heals all wounds. You had this woman in your life for four years. While I think you should've ended things two years in, you'd have to have no soul to feel nothing after parting ways.

In the meantime, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

I (M24) broke up with my ex (F26) two months ago. We were in a long-term relationship that lasted around four years.

About two years into the relationship, I cheated on her. After that, I realized I didn’t have strong feelings for her for a while, but we stayed together.

Later, I had to move to a different city for work, and we started doing long distance. About a month into it, she asked me to break up. I was too naive back then and decided to trust her instead, especially because when we did long distance previously, things had gone well — she would cry herself to sleep, and when we reunited, we were very intimate, having sex daily.

However, after some time, I found out she had been cheating on me for about six months while I was away. Once I discovered it, I immediately ended things.

Even though I know she betrayed me — and despite my own mistakes in the past — I’m still stuck in her memories and struggling to move on. I don't fully discern why I feel this way, knowing that I had also been the bad guy at one point.

@Mate1212

My gf and I are in a group of people. One guy is super jealous of me beeing here boyfriend. My gf told me that he talks shit about me behind my back. He doesn't has the balls to say it into my face. How do I deal with it?

He probably does this because he hopes we split so he can slip.

When asking here to don't talk with him, she will think there's a reason and it will probably backfire. What should I do?

My gf isn't attracted to him at all he's probably just a beta orbiter.

I liked him and helped him out on some stuff and he does such things. Man I could beat him up.

The next time he fails to succeed with your girl, consider turning him onto a reliable ready reference he can pick up and study to better prepare himself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you point him to Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. Tell this guy to review his advice column to decide if the views on dating and relationships are aligned with what he aspires for himself. To save him a search, give them this scribed link to gander at to find out if the book is something they'd like to add to their library. It should also be available on libgen.

Then let him know that while you appreciate his confirmation of your good taste in women, encourage him to go out there and get his own.