@B0ssBabe

How to unplate her and make her refer her friends?

I have an old plate. I was banging her for years, to this day she remembers my birthday, Christmas, gifts etc. But she simply has aged out of the market.

What plausible deniability, story, to use on her so she is not offended, ego defensive when I would initiate a talk to tell her to set me up with one of her friends (no one specific in mind)?

I'm going to do it anyway so I will use the input.

I didnt bang her for months.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@GetMoreBooks

Approach Feedback

Approached twice today, both times in the same bookstore about 10 min apart(not in sight of either of them).

Learning Game: Daybang(Not done yet)

First approach, girl was reading some book behind me, and I grabbed a book from the shelf and accidentally knocked some over. I jokingly said you didn't see anything, and she agreed and I said thanks and said we were partners in crime. I then said I like her shirt(it had a possum on it) and she said her friend gave it to her, and that she outgrew it. I said nice and asked what she was reading, and it was some book about physiology and said she was really liking it. I then asked if she wanted to grab a coffee upstairs, and I'm not sure where I went wrong here. She said she already had one and looked uncomfortable, and then I wasn't sure what to say so I just said thanks, have a nice day( a little awkwardly), and walked away. My question is why would she be uncomfortable and how can I avoid that? I don't care that I got shot down. The conversation was going great until then, like good vibes, but I'm not sure what I did to make her feel that way.

Self-Answer: Maybe it was an unconscious facial expression on my part, since I felt disappointment. Or it could of just been an issue on her part on being asked out? I think I could have done better controlling my disappointment so that's what I plan to work on.

Second approach, I was waiting in line at checkout to get a book and there were these two cuties in front of me. I asked one that was closest to me if they found anything good(girl 1), and she said yeah that she found an artbook for her friend(girl 2). I then asked girl 2 if she was an artist and she said she was in art class. I then asked about what kind of art she does, and we chatted for a second. She asked if I was an artist and I talked about a beginner sketching book I got, and how it was daunting. I then asked if I could get her number and maybe get some sketch tips from her sometime, and she said yes! I got her number, and then we traded names. I fumbled a bit after that. We still had 5 more minutes in line, and it was hard to keep the conversation going, but I managed to talk about travel a bit. I think I may of messed up by engaging so early with the long line, but it felt natural. One thing I messed up is I had to ask her name again, since I was so focused on the conversation. Now in hindsight, I think she might be a little young for me since she's in college(like 8-10 year gap, not sure what year she is). I have the following questions. Should I ask her out for coffee even though I will probably bomb with my low SMV(no job and living with parents, but I'm still working on both)? Is there an easy way to confirm she's old enough for me(like 21-22?) I don't want to date younger than that. How do you even tell a girls age when approaching, because I've seen 25 year olds that look 20 and 20 year olds that look 30? I ideally want to date 23-30 age range. How long between number and asking out do you wait?

Self-Answer: I should ask her out to coffee and bomb just for the experience. I could straight up ask her if she's graduating soon. Not sure how to tell age, maybe look for signs of age in face(light facial lines and such? I think I should text her tonight and just ask her out to coffee tomorrow while I'm still on her mind, cause she'll probably forget about me in a day or 2.

Final Question: This is the second weekend I approached at the same store, how often do you change places to deliberately day approach? Should I go to a different store?

Self Answer: I should probably try a new place every week so I don't restrict myself to one place, the reason I decided to try this place is because it's a cute bookstore that women love. Thanks.

Have you considered keeping a journal to record these efforts so you can keep tabs on your development?

@gamepilled

How do I work on my confidence? I have a major problem with it.

I have a major confidence problem, because it comes from intense childhood trauma and is much bigger than the usual problem of being a nice guy who can snap out of it.

Growing up, I was a very shy and weird kid no one liked. It was worse than the usual shy kid, because mine is an actual major problem that comes from a different source.

I was bullied and I think normies loathed me. Now it's different, but the underlying major confidence issue remains. I am improving on it by virtue of recovering from the trauma as time goes on, but it's not enough. That's a really slow process.

People want to hang out with me now because I did an active effort on social skills, but I keep getting small cues, sometimes even comments, that make it clear that I come across as insecure. Such as someone acting like I'm below him on the pecking order, or someone saying that she noticed I'm more confident lately (aka she noticed I lack confidence in the first place).

By the way, I am a 32 year old virgin, never even tried to get a woman, no woman showed romantic interest in me either, and didn't even socialize for the vast majority of my life.

I also have a chin that's so comically recessed I look ridiculous. But just now I grew a beard and that has been a massive looks improvement (I shape it carefully too). It's actually really thick and basically a jaw extension so I feel like I have a new face. A friend asked why I used to shave, I said, "idk, I had the habit and didn't question it, that was stupid", but to be honest, I actually know, and the harsh truth is that it felt weird to see myself as being masculine in the mirror.

By the way, my social life revolves around dancing and that's where I will, from now on, get over fear of rejection and approach women.

Right now I can't dance because I broke a hand by working out (which I also picked up recently), which is affecting me emotionally, and that's why I'm reconsidering all this. I found out about the redpill just now. And by reading game I noticed that it all revolves around confidence, and how important confidence is for people. And that I have to do something about this. I'm sick of people's shit, I'm sick of being treated like I'm low on the pecking order or a wimp, and I feel that I have to take that more seriously and really do something about it.

Are there some behaviors I can practice, or something I can do to see a fast change in the way I come across? So people don't instantly think that I'm insecure? My opinion is that I could leverage my social skills I've been acquiring, which allow me to have an understanding of what behaviors make me come across as insecure, and just pay more attention and make myself curb that problem. And then by behaving differently it will reflect on my self perception.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Self-confidence usually grows as a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper and a pen.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.

Best of luck to you.

@DanielCron

Girlfriend of 8 years wants to go on a 'girls holiday' with her friend, but I do not trust her friend

I have a solid relationship and have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and this week, she messaged me with the "I am thinking about booking a holiday with my friend" - there will just be two of them. At the time of the message, I was too busy to even think about it so I quickly messaged back once I read it saying "go for it, could be fun". After having some time to think about it and also think about the type person her friend is, I am slightly worried for my girlfriends welfare and I will get to that in a minute.

My girlfriend has never been on a girls holiday before, mainly because she has never had anyone to go on holiday with (she usually keeps herself to herself) and I have never needed to set any boundaries related to this at the beginning of our relationship because it's just not something we both did (I have never been on a lads holiday since we've been together, I did all that when I turned 18).

Her friend is a bit of a slut, she is very attractive, very confident and she basically knows all of this. Her friend is currently in a relationship and she has been with him for a few months but from what my girilfriend has told me, it doesn't seem to be going well for them and they most likely will be breaking up.

Now the cause for concern. The past 2 nights out my girlfriend has been on with her friend, her friend has misbehaved and basically left my girlfriend on her own because her friends boyfriend met them later on in the evening and they went home without her. This caused a fall out between them and resulted in my girlfriend being upset/crying over it - I had to drive to pick my girlfriend up to ensure she got home safe because her friend left my girl on her own in the city at 1am in the morning. She didn't do this once, but she did this twice - they haven't had a night out since the second time happened.

I voiced my concerns over the above situation with my girlfriend and she's adamant that she has discussed it privately with her friend and her friend was very apologetic, and it wouldn't happen again. She has reassured me that she 100% trusts her and that she's actually a good person/friend to my girl, I just don't fully know her and have only seen the bad side of things. I have always been a person that looks at actions over words so I will believe her when I see it.

After having that discussion, my girl mentioned that "if this is going to cause problems between us, then she just won't go". I don't want to control my girlfriends life so I basically told her that I will support her in whatever decision she makes, but until her friend proves herself to me that she is reliable and trustworthy, then I am going to be worrying. My girl said that she appreciates that I am looking out for her and she understands my concerns, and again said that if this will cause a problem between us, then she just won't go.

My girl also mentioned something questionable to me. She said that she has never been on a girls holiday before so she would like to experience one - I have been questioning the meaning behind this ever since she messaged it.

My other concern is that once my girl is around her friend and if her friend ends up becoming single, her friend will end up becoming wild and most likely will put my girlfriend in vulnerable situations where men will be involved with them. This holiday will be the ultimate test for our relationship, but if my girlfriend does actually do something, I will never know anyway and that's the scary part....? She will never have been in a situation like this before for her to know how she will behave/act, especially around a friend who may influence her.

Not really sure what to think of this at the moment so how would you handle a situation like this without controlling your partner?

With what you shared in your previous post, I'm wondering if your girlfriend has any other female friends around her age. Maybe this is an opportunity to encourage her to find some, which means going where they can be found sober and lucid. Maybe getting into music, painting, sculpture, sewing, or knitting classes will bring her into contact with other females whose acquaintance she can make.