@mattyanon

This is an important point and something that deserves some discussion:

And if he initiates it, then it's because he's found a better deal and has a better plan.

I think this is projection on women’s part.

I ended my marriage, and I can tell you it was because my wife started to behave poorly. We spoke, I “communicated” very calmly and clearly for a few years. I got pissed off and tried all the things i was told would work.

She didn’t change. So I pulled the plug.

(One could write about ‘credible threat theory’ here)

The point is that WOMEN leave for something better. Men generally leave because things are SUPER bad.

Do some men leave to fuck their secretary? I have no doubt. But I’ld love to see those statistics. In fact, let me Grok it…..

Women cite the top three reasons.

1. Emotional neglect / lack of intimacy Feeling unseen, unheard, or emotionally abandoned; no affection, support, or meaningful connection.#1 reason in 3 major studies; cited by ~59% of women in therapy exit surveys.

2. Unequal emotional & domestic labor Doing the majority of housework, childcare, and mental load—even when working full-time.65% of divorced moms cite this; a top predictor of female-initiated divorce.

3. Infidelity (by husband) Cheating—emotional or physical—shatters trust and triggers filing, especially when repeated or unapologetic. Cited by ~20–25% of women; higher when combined with gaslighting.

Men cite the top three reasons.

1. Infidelity by spouse. Betrayal through cheating erodes trust irreparably, often seen as a symptom of deeper issues but a direct trigger for filing.Cited by ~18% of men in surveys; a top reason in multiple studies.

2. Excessive arguing and conflict Constant fights over money, in-laws, intimacy, or daily issues lead to exhaustion and emotional shutdown.Reported by 27% of men; the most common conflict-based reason.

3. Lack of emotional or physical intimacy Fading affection, sexless periods, or feeling undesired creates distance and resentment.Affects ~7-15% of marriages annually; men often interpret it as rejection.

So let’s summarize”

Women cite: Emotions, chores, and cheating - in that order.

Men cite: Cheating, conflict, and intimacy.

I will let you draw your own conclusions, but the fact that cheating is at the TOP of men’s list and it is third on women's should explain everything. coupled with them initiating divorce 70% of the time (and up to 90% for college-educated women) and it looks like WOMEN leave to fuck some other dude (using feelings and chores as the excuse), and men leave because their wives are fucking some other dude.

That’s my rough interpretation anyway.

@deeplydisturbed

But why are they so consistently like this? When the divorce rates are so highly skewed towards female initiation? This is paradoxical. If women are afraid of things ending, and use this as a justification for having a career and needing financial “protection”, then why is it that they are so much more likely to end things?

Ok. She's terrified of abandonment, that's just an innate hardwired female thing.

Women do not want their husbands to divorce them because that would FEEL BAD. And if he initiates it, then it's because he's found a better deal and has a better plan. Ego crushing for her. Instinctively terrifiying.

Women ending marriage is separate. She finds a better deal, finds another man to monkeybranch to, talks to a lawyer, realises she has the husband's income regardless of the marriage, and the next time he forgets to take the garbage out at 7.00pm prompt she snaps and pulls the trigger.

No abandonment - she initiated it, she has full financial support, and she has already scoped out the replacement.

So they plan their entire lives as they take their vows in that very church while looking into your eyes, she knows.

Women go into marriage knowing every outcome is secured in her favour. It is not a risk for her. She may hope for the Disney "happily ever after", but she also knows she has an income for life regardless.