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I went on a four dates with a girl and yesterday on the fifth took her to my place. I put on some music and sat next to her, but when I went in for the kiss she pulled away. I tried escalating 2 more times but she said she just wanted to talk. I was completely pissed and she left soon after. When I got home I sent her a text trying to keep things alive for the future saying I had a good time. She responded with a long text saying that I was rushing, didn't care about her feelings, etc. I told her that I did care about her (lie) but just couldn't help myself. We agreed to talk tomorrow, which is today. What did I do wrong? I might have escalated too quickly on the night and not built enough comfort. Do you think that this situation is salvageable? I think that it's salvageable but it will take me a lot of time to earn back her trust and get the lay.
Anything's possible, but you've not provided not enough information to suggest taking any sort of action would lead to a good outcome for you. Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
For now, you should focus on other things and other girls. Don't ever waste your time lying to people. It's a habit that tends to bleed over into other things and create problems for you as the liar, especially as you're male. The only response you should've made to her text was to say, "I'll talk to you later" and make a note to talk to her sometime the following week. Out of curiosity, did you two kiss at anytime during the previous four dates?
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Should Í approach everyone who is exhibiting strong IOI's?
Í can only have so many sexual partners at once and its becomeing harder to keep in touch with all of them . But í feel immense regret because of letting those girls down who give strong iois, mean like eyefucking, smiling, waving etc.. Will Í just ask for their socials/numbers? Í conclude yes í should, if theres a really good vibe.
You don't have to hookup with every single chick that shows you strong signs of interest, but you shouldn't go away without making the move to get their contact information. Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Who ever has been telling you to bang them all though, you really need to bring them here to help others as they have you. Other guys could definitely use that encouragement.
Read MoreMe and the boys went to the nearby city to a club. I'll be honest, I'm not the most attractive nor the ugliest, but I have the most balls and a will to try approaching even though some of my boys laugh when I fail, but fuck 'em.
I had 3 sets of girls, I failed every one of them (didn't have a good convo, didn:t get a number). At least, I talked to 6 girls and that's a big achievement for me. Also, I used the same opener for every set.
1st set of girls I went to, talked, introduced myself, but I lost interest and they also did since they're way older than me.
2nd set of girls - 1 was attractive, but didn't say a word. The uglier started talking to me and was pretty bitchy so I left, she showed no interest. It may be her insecurity that blocked me from talking to them, since she was 3 points below from the girl next to her.
3rd set of girls - I went with a buddy and I did all the talking. They were the most attractive set, as I started the approach, the prettier one said: "No, just no". She didn't even give me a chance to talk at all, while the other chick didn't even look at me, not even once. Tbh, when I approached them, they were slouched, looking down, maybe they were annoyed, angry, depressed or just drunk.
The problem is, before these approaches, last approach was long ago and IG I fell off the practice. The opener was cheesy: Hey "random female name" I know you. Basically I pick a name then I talk to her like I know her, "are you her", "wdyd here".
I thought it would be a good test, a chick which really liked me would just smile and answer "yes that's me". But, as I said, I don't think the opener matters that much, all that matters if the chick likes me right away.
Also I didn't have as much confidence as I do now, and that plays a part. Maybe I was unlucky, I think if I just found maybe more of them I'd atleast get a number from one of them.
Serious question, are there no females were you live that you could talk to? None at all? It's just social media sites and night clubs miles from your hometown where you can find females?
Read MoreRead MoreBroke up with red flag girl, she had a crying sesh following morning, how do I cope?
Follow up on the red flags girl, "where do we stand post".
So, I had the talk again with the red flag girl, basically had the same exact talk as 4 weeks ago, and she hadn't said a blip about commitment or those same topics until this week. Then during this talk she asks why I hadn't mentioned it... well because you hadn't mentioned it - I already gave my ultimatum prior.
If you want the job, you're going to put your best foot forward in the interview, you're going to act like you're already hired, and display your best traits. Same thing in a relationship, if you want commitment, you'd act like you already are in one and won't continue red flag behaviors (going to bar without telling me, going to bar without me, not being combative, cooking or offering me things more often, not having hissy fits, being upset that i don't reply several hours when I am infact busy with 2 jobs, interrogating me) et cetera.
She hasn't done that, and during this convo she said she wouldn't change her ways, but she still wants me and my commitment, tough luck. She said she hadn't been with other guys since she met me and she only had one LTR for 3 yrs, but based on actions how could I believe that? I follow actions, not words. We had a couple beers, and fucked one last time, I think that was a mistake. And because she didn't give me a definite answer of whether we were going to continue seeing each other or not the night before, I had to make the executive decision this morning and say no we aren't, because the bad will outweighs the good.
I don't want the drama, I don't want no closure, I feel like I may have alleviated the closure aspect, but not the drama. She was crying up a river, upset, about things she can change, am I wrong? I'm not upset she was born 5'6", I'm upset she continues to act like she's single and expects commitment. And I'm not even upset, I'm just indifferent to female degeneracy.
So did I behave the incorrect way? Could I have done something differently? Should I have broken it up earlier or it's just a case of "it is what it is"?
My attempt to answer: I do think I should have ended the conversation that night rather than staying over. I could have broken it off earlier months ago, but I was still spinning the plate, but that's scarcity speaking; I was just putting up with red flag behavior consciously, even though it was mostly casual. I was battling nice guy tendencies and RP awareness, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt knowing damn well a fish does not need a bicycle and a hoe doesn't deserve a relationship.
What’s up brothers, this is a shorter post of my previous one:
How do you guys cope with knowing the fact you lost a good girl (whatever that means to you)? We had amazing chemistry and I even convinced her to accept a one sided open relationship. I made sure to tell her this before the relationship, actually on the first few dates. And we had a threesome.
We were together for 3 years and the relationship was never fully agreement free. Due to me and my inability to communicate effectively and solve our problems - which I’m working on now.
Long story short, she finally left, because she couldn’t trust me and claimed we have different views on marriage. I essentially tried to get her back for a month straight in which I said I’d be monogamous (I meant it cause I was tired of sleeping around), and I’m willing to work on myself for the betterment of the relationship. We argued about finance structure in marriage and decision making. I wanted to be the leader and she wanted us to be an equal partnership (not wrong in terms of marriage). Remind you we been together for 3 years and this never was an issue.
So yeah, she finally left and now is talking to new men and finally blocked me. I understand most trp principles and have a few plates; so maybe it’s oneitis…My issue was that before she left, I didn’t really care to change anything as my ego was through the roof. She was an 8.5 in my eyes. Did almost everything right. Not a feminists or sjw.
The guilt that I let this one slip away is eating me up. Knowing I can do nothing about it. She turned cold. She’s 28 and on the prowl and we were talking about marriage and getting engaged this year. And that still wasn’t enough.
I’ve been hoping she reaches back out but I doubt it. If she loved me like she said she did, why not give a second chance? I never lied and we were so close. Unless it was all a facade.
During that month of trying to win her back, she did pop back up at my house but I was hesitant and kind of blew her off. This is what’s eating me up the most. I should have just set my ego aside and went all in, then.
Anyone else have similar experience? How long before you moved on? How did you move on? how long did the regret linger?
I have a lot going for myself but now I feel lost and so de-motivated. I’m still working hard but the drive is less now.
My advice to myself: I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I got too comfortable and had a big ego because she was a unicorn in my eyes, especially accepting the OLTR setup AND being a traditional woman. I put her on a pedestal. Nothing I can do besides move on.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Q042KlxI4
As I said before, If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.
You're not feeling guilty about her departure, but disappointed that she didn't leave on terms you'd set. She rejected you after three years and your ego's mildly bruised from it. If you had one-itis or otherwise sincerely valued what you had with her, you would've spent those three years gradually weening yourself off the plates and reached out to us sooner to learn how to take steps to lay a foundation with this girl from which a strong relationship might grow. Now that it's over, you should take the time to process and accept this failure as you move on. Put her on block from your social media and tele-comm contact points, bang the other plates in your inventory, and consider studying the book so you're prepared to handle chicks you think are worth keeping around.
Read MoreFrom what I understand, it seems that they prefer a relationship dynamic where one person holds most of the power. They seem to want to play a secondary role and aren't necessarily looking for equality. In fact, if they do find themselves in an equal relationship, they will seek someone else. Is that the case? Because that goes against my values. If that’s what they are looking for, it feels similar to someone engaging in self-harm behavior, and I’m not willing to be part of that. I’m not here to be ridiculed, I will not change my values. Unless I’m wrong I will take whatever dignity I have left and head over to MGTOW and try to cope without needing them in my life. Before you call me gay, I wish I was I would be happy.
Even though our society increasingly expresses a retarded amalgamation of Marxism and gyno-centrism, males will never be exempted or absolved from being held responsible and accountable for the failures and incompetence of the members of their household. As such, a man has no choice, but to lead the relationship, though he's free to develop a leadership style that suits him and his mate. Some styles are beneficial to laying a strong foundation from which a healthy household may grow, but most are not.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
That said, in order for a male to lay a solid foundation from which a strong relationship with any female can be had, the man must first earn her confidence. Frustrating as that may seem, this is the unavoidable natural progression of all relationships. Without earning her confidence, you'll never have her trust. Without her trust, you'll never have her respect. Without her respect, you'll never have her love. Her desire for you is a fleeting thing that will only last for so long.
If a female ever declares that she will not follow a man, or you discern that she's so profoundly psychologically damaged that you could never earn her confidence then it's in both parties best interests that the man quietly depart to find companionship with a female who will grant him reasonable opportunity to earn her confidence. No pu$$y is worth dehumanizing oneself, fighting for, or dying over.
Read MorePlate continues egging on for more attention aka "spinning" - what's the next move?
TLDR: Red flag plate caught feelings and wanted more than casual but went right back to initiating hookups—felt like a test to push me into commitment. Meanwhile, I met a new girl who's chill, drama free, and refreshing. Now red flag is pushing for quality time again and guilt texting when I don’t give a straight yes. I’ve got other plates in rotation now and more value to offer. Red flag’s consistent but draining. Not sure if I should cut her off or throw her a small bone to keep things smooth without compromising frame or future prospects.
I previously posted about the woman with the red flags that I was just spinning as a plate and she got all upset about the fact that we were just casual and said that casual sex was hurting her mentally (even though she was inviting me 9 out of 10 initiations past midnight) -- she tested my frame, had a whole tear session talking about how her therapist asked her to have the "where do we stand talk" with me and whatnot. I said I wouldn't rush into a relationship, especially since I don't see a lot of the traditional things my Eastern European parents' culture had instilled in me in her.
The next part of the story: following weekend, she invites me over, not a word about the previous tear session, she was being extra pushy to get into the bedroom. WTF I thought, all that must have been a show, a huge shit test to push for my commitment, when she knows that I won't hand it out like an ad flyer.
Anyways, that same weekend the following night I go out and meet a different girl, a whole other can of worms. There was this Greek night that happens once every several months at a local restaurant I met her at, it was going on till later in the night and I had obligations in the morning, so I left early. But this new plate was being much more agreeable and easier to be around. None of this combativeness. She invited me the following week to hang out, had some great sex, and afterwards she said she had been celibate for 2 years randomly.
Now, do I believe that? Probably not, but she graduated college and works as a babysitter and seems very aloof and rose-lensed, kind of shy, I wouldn't bet my money that she was celibate, but I have had a date with an actual virgin (a woman that hadn't even held hands with a man before) and I saw some of those similar qualities in this new plate, but of course all women are good with reputation management so I take their words at face value and follow the actions.
Anyways, I set up another time to hang out with my new plate (this Friday) - but now my original plate, red flag girl, asks if I'm free Friday night. Mind you, she just invited me over last night to fuck, and we did. I said, idk yet I might have to get up early on Sat. Which, she knows I have a lot of obligations 2-3 jobs at a time, but still, shit-tests me again. I get this long paragraph text, I'll paste it verbatim:
"okay wellll i know i have continued inviting you over and whatnot but i meant what i said about wanting to spend time with you that isnt just late night/my bed. doesn’t have to be anything crazy but i kinda was hoping if you were around friday evening we could plan something. if friday doesn’t work that’s fine, there are other days that we could do something or if you’re just not interested in that at all that’s fine too but please let me know that"
It's been 3 weeks since the last "crying session" and this is the first time she gives me pushback since that.
I'm not entitled to give her a whole night; you take what I give you. This second plate I told the same ordeal, she asked if I could hang out with her this last Friday evening, I said I'd be busy with Easter events, she said have fun, maybe next week. That's it, none of this combativeness and entitlement.
Also, I have a date set up Thursday evening, because fuck it, I'm expanding plates for this first time, in the past I'd have plates fall after a couple weeks, but now that I've leveled up, I've created more time and value to allow for that.
But I'm still perplexed what I am to do with this first plate. Do I let it drop finally? She's been the most available, but also hard in certain ways and good in others. It's been 5 months now and I've had to train her too much, it's like I bought a car that was used and restored it and modified it, but I could have bought the car I wanted from the get-go instead. What would you do?
Edit/ Solution: seeing that this plate previously had avoided the casual only topic after I reinstated/ introduced my frame, I should do the same course of action by not falling for the commitment puppy eyes bait. I could set up an activity, but that would ruin possible other plate spinning opportunities. She has got a long way to go from getting LTR'd and caving to the second major shit test would only weaken my value and future prospects. Seems one of those cases where you have to dig through a lot of shit to find gold, I just need to keep digging and not fall prey to shit testing.
What's would be your next move?
"Next move"? Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten myself into that sort of situation to begin with. I deal with Alchies. Regardless, if you'd bailed several weeks ago there likely wouldn't be any "next move" beyond updating your plate inventory, call-blocking, and in the extreme case, a restraining order. Love Hurts, and there's no way to soften the blow of ejection.
I pity the other poor bastard she's latched onto.
Read MoreShe started almost a year ago as a plate, slowly ended up as a LTR. For a while I was still banging other girls on the side (was allowed to, but she was exclusive the whole time).
She used to worship me, cry often because she was scared I’d leave, would gift me flowers or come over at 2am. Sometimes she’d bitch at me if I woke her up early or something but I didn’t take it seriously because the power imbalance was clearly in my favor still.
But this easter weekend I was at home 4 days, got lazy and spent whole time with her just doing nothing. After 2-3 days she got kinda bitchy, we barely had sex, etc. On 4th day she “broke up with me” over some bs reason (happens occasionally, usually because she went through my phone/got jealous but this time it was just bc I didn’t clean or something). Unfortunately when she called 2 hours later all happy and said she loves me, I met up with her again (shittest failed, but at least she paid for food as apology). I got cold after that and she sent me a very long email next day with things I did wrong like flirting w other women, not replying in time etc.
But after this I realized that she’s been getting more bitchy the past 2 months, and even worse, she isn’t worshipping me anymore. She’ll just say reassuring stuff like “you’re the perfect man, don’t worry it’s not your fault I get bitchy”. Also she said she wants me to fuck other girls on the side again because it’d help the relationship.
What now? I told her I don’t want this relationship to keep going like this and I’m not settling for a semi-good relationship. I value my self respect and would leave her in a heartbeat if necessary but it would hurt losing her and I’d rather go back to when she worshipped me
Edit: Attempt to answer own Q: Get other chicks on my roster again, live without her for a few days and then see where she stands. Don’t make this a big deal, stop talking to her about breaking up just keep things chill
What's done is done. If this is the same female you mentioned a few weeks ago looking to marry you then it might be best to consider this as a another hard learned lesson on the consequences of failing to plan ahead.
I doubt she'd have taken issue with her time with you being limited to just Saturday and Sunday instead of the entire Easter holiday weekend. Four days is a lot of time to spend with a gal who's not your wife, or otherwise unrelated to you. What she experienced may have killed a lot of mystery about you in her mind and in so doing, diminish her interest in you. That might be good, if you're not interested in marrying anyone at all and was looking to boot her out of your presumed inventory of plates, she's self ejected enabling you to passively ghost. However, if you wanted to ride on the momentum of her desire for marriage and have a motivated companion with whom you could help better educate yourself on the subject, this maybe a difficult situation to salvage.
While you study the book and deal with your own mental health issues, it's best you leave her to process her thoughts on the last few days she spent with you. Being married to a doctor, while it may potentially grant her access to a man possessing status, earning a significant income, won't likely afford her a particularly exciting life. If she decides to move on, you lose nothing of value, as it only cost you four days you otherwise weren't using for anything important to discover how fickle she is.
Read MoreSome advice needed. Oneitius? Guilt?
What’s up brothers, this may be bit of a long post but in need of some advice once again.
Have any of you ever felt the guilt, pain of losing a good woman, whatever that is to you? Knowing you were at fault, like in my case, a bit too “Alpha” and not enough “beta”.
To me, she was an 8, cooked, cleaned, wanted family/kids, didn’t have hoe friends, didn’t want to club, good family, sex was good. She was ok with me having sex with other women (then changed her mind on that) but realized she really didn’t want that lifestyle, silly like I liked, not a feminist, conservative, gym girl etc
But when I had her, I wasn’t fully present. I didn’t realize what I had until she fully walked away. We argued a lot, mainly about other women and other small things here and there. She claimed I undervalued her and didn’t really respect her nor did I want to compromise. No I wasn’t perfect. But I also wasn’t THAT bad. We had lots of fun, laughs, deep talks, sex, etc she liked me for a reason above all the other men she talked to before we got exclusive. She kept running back to me.
We argued about finance structure, decision making and she wanted equality in making big decisions and stuff like that.
Then when she walked away, I did the cardinal sin of chasing and trying to get her back, which seems like it made it worse. However, she did come running back but I was upset/egotistical and told her I needed some time to think. (This was in the span of 1 week).
Then by that time, long story short, she started dating other guys. Now she’s officially done. We talk here and there and I tried to get her back and the guilt is eating me up that my ego and lack of knowledge in LTR lost me an amazing woman. She was no saint as far as body count but she also was not a whore like many western women.
So now, she’s getting closer with these guys but why do I feel like I still have hope after she told me many times she cannot do it? Is it cause we’re still in contact? I’m having a hard time letting go. Oneitis?
It’s crazy because this isn’t myself, she always known me as the alpha type and this is what attracted her in the first place.
I have lots going on for myself, good job making over 6 figs, businesses picking back up, some side hustles, shredded, tons of hobbies, now becoming more emotionally intelligent and realizing it’s more than just being “alpha”. I’ve slept with close to 60 women if I had to guess.
I’m talking to a few women from dating apps and hooked up with one and I am going to start getting out here more but she’s still on my mind about “what if”, I wanted her to see the improved mental version of myself becuase tbh I could have did many things wayyyy better. And that is what’s eating me up. It’s eating me up becuase it’s hard to find good women like that. My confidence is shot because she turned so cold.
I get urges to text/call her and just try again. But now it’s almost like running into a brick wall unfortunately. I think the new guys she’s met are making her forget about me even quicker. But I still believe it was a reason she stayed this long in my life (3.5 years). I was her type, until I wasn’t.
I’ve definitely learned my lesson and maybe that’s why God allowed this to happen. Otherwise i probably would have been stuck in the ego loop of my way or the highway.
Any of you bros have had an experience like that? How did you get past it? Did you find someone better in your mind & forget about the ex? I’m 31 and this is a painful feeling. I appreciate tough love.
Side note: could these be because she is probably top 5 hottest women I’ve been with. Coupled with her personality.
My own answer: I need to accept this as a lesson, she was a great girl but that doesn’t mean I will not find another one. I should work on myself mentally and strive to find my own masculine identity independent of any woman becuase even if I did everything right, a woman can still leave. My ego was too big because I was getting everything I wanted and got too comfortable, emotionally. I should accept she’s no longer here and find other ways to fill my time and torch the past and not make the same mistake in next LTR.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.
Read More