@adam-l Yes the problem is that ultimately men lack authority these days. The law and western culture (which the law only reflects) forbid men to have authority and give it instead to women.

You can act assertive and hope she likes it. This is however, basically LARPing. In the end any time she wants to end the LARP, she just says "Stop or its abuse" and you either make a rapid change tail between your legs or you lose big time.

In the end what male leadership means these days is you are allowed steer the ship where she wants it to go. You had better be at the helm in any poor weather too or you are a let down. Make sure the ship is up together and load good supplies too. Don't ask her to swab the decks, be a gentleman. When the sun comes out you can put her out a deck chair and organise the band to play for her. You can have the captain's hat if you don't get bigger than the boots she cuts for you but this is not a trade ship its a fucking cruise ship and if you are thinking of quitting, remember Princess owns the deeds to "your" ship.

Any veneer of male authority is just that a veneer. Anyone who thinks that if you have the red pill then you can out alpha her, is not understanding the dynamics of LTRs where short term tricks mean nothing. If she likes you being all alpha for her to stand behind and be led by in the dance of her being amazing, it will be fine being all alpha but in the end if you are not going her way, she has the power to put you on the prison bus or the highway.

The respectability of cheating Vs. chasing:

Men who cheat on their frigid spouses are generally looked upon less favourably than men who keep chasing their frigid spouses. Not only by women, by other men as well. And not least, by themselves.

Granted, the guy who keeps chasing will feel bad about himself from a "value" point of view. And other people will see it as kinda pathetic and sad. But it won't be an issue with morality, ethics, or respectability.

Meanwhile, the guy who solves his problem by cheating on his wife will think of himself as a piece of shit. Other people will tell him he's a piece of shit. And if he asked online: "Hey, my wife doesn't want to fuck me. Should I cheat on her?", the answer will pretty unanimously be: "No don't cheat, cheating is the worst".

But is cheating really "the worst"? Is it worse than to keep soliciting for sex - covertly and overtly - someone who's already made it abundantly clear she isn't interested in you in that way? More dishes, more date nights, more back rubs, more communication. It's like the guy at the pub who keeps coming up to this chick who keeps rejecting him, trying to talk to her, trying to order her drinks.

Now, we all know this doesn't work. And even people outside this space increasingly know it doesn't work. But that's not my point. My point is: Is it even acceptable behavior, compared to just cheating? Is it more respectable behavior?

I would argue not. I would argue that cheating is preferable to chasing - not just from point of view of " what works" - but from point of view of which type of behaviour is more respectable, and morally sound. If the guy who keeps taking his wife on date nights doesn't feel like a piece of shit - and nobody else is telling him he's a piece of shit - why should the guy who simply cheats be seen as piece of shit?

In order of more to less respectability and moral/ethical soundness, I'd rank the three typical solutions to married men's sexual frustrations like this:

1. Leave
2. Cheat
3. Chase