@fumbor

Should I cut it off if I'm not physically attracted to her?

Hey guys, I’m 21 and met a 19-year-old girl last month who shares pretty much all the same interests as me. Emotionally and personality-wise, we connect really well.

The only issue is that she has zero experience. She’s never kissed anyone before and is really shy about physical affection. She told me she’s scared she’ll mess up or turn me off. I put my foot down a dew days ago and was honest with her, told her the lack of affection is starting to affect me and feels like a dealbreaker. She ended up breaking down and said she doesn’t want to seem desperate, but she’d do anything to make this work.

Here’s the thing, I’m not physically attracted to her. She’s not fat at all, just maybe a 4 or 5/10 but honestly feels like long-term material, but that physical chemistry just isn’t there for me. On the other hand, there’s another girl I’ve been seeing where the physical attraction is way stronger, but I don't connect with her as well and she does have quite a few more red flags.

I’m in a spot now where I feel like I have to choose. She told me if she kisses a guy and then gets broken up with she'll kill herself (maybe not literally but she is saving herself). I also feel like I have options as I'm good looking ( not as good looking as when I used to lift before working crazy hours), I am working in investment banking this summer and will likely go full-time next year, so I will be making six figs at a relatively young age (but no work life balance). I’ve spent maybe $300 on the first girl, so it's feeling like a money sink now. I'm just not excited to be around her but she'd be great LTR material.

Should I keep seeing the girl I connect with emotionally, even though I’m not that attracted to her? Would really appreciate some honest thoughts.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzliaVBQKDs

@fumbor Good show, the skill and experience of being a man is cumulative so count this as a win.

Fingering is pretty easy and intuitive. If she's into it she will sigh/coo and part her legs a bit when your fingers reach down there. Get them good and wet and keep them that way when working her clit. Be very in tune with her reactions, as different girls find pleasure in different sensations. Clits are VERY sensitive especially when aroused; err on the side of too gentle. Don't go at it like you're scouring the hard dry coffee out of the bottom of a cup! Switch it up if she seems unresponsive, but if she seems really into what you're doing DON'T CHANGE it.

If she signals or outright says she wants to escalate, be prepared to MOVE on the opportunity. If you delay too long she can lose interest and a sure yes becomes a nah I'm getting dressed now.

Fake it till you make it. Virtually all women will NOT think it's adorable and desirable that she is your first, and more so the older you get. NEVER blab your mouth about your lack of experience, or later about your prior lays. Be in the moment, like she is the only girl in the world right then, but like you know what you're doing. Non-sexy times are when you benefit from acting a little more aloof and shows of abundance mentality help.

Hello guys, I haven't posted in a few months since I'm moving at a snail's pace in the dating world. I've always been very bad with women but I'm slowly getting better.

I'm only posting because I moved up a step this weekend, so I guess this is a little field report.

On Saturday I had coffee with a german girl who was here via work permit and was only staying for a year. The coffee date itself went okay, but I left a solid enough impression on her for where I got her number, and consequently invited her over to my place on Sun, which actually took some serious mental energy for some reason. I'm just a very insecure person for some reason. Anyway, when she came over we played some music and drank for a while, watched a tv show, and once we finished i started making out with her.

Here's the issue. In theory I knew what to do right afterwards as I got on top of her and started pulling her shoulder straps down, but when I actually got down to her pussy I had nooo fucking idea what I was doing. She could immediately tell I was clueless. I watched some fingering tutorial like two years ago and tried to replicate it. Didn't even know where to put my fingers at first. I was kind of massaging her legs around and she got the memo I was clueless. honestly knew at that point it was kind of scrapped so I asked her how she'd like it done. she told me "not today, sorry"

after that we cuddled for an hour ish and listened to music, she gave me a handjob for about 20 mins but i was so in my head about not being able to satisfy her i couldn't even finish.

so on the bright side that was my first sexual experience and i got to suck some titties. i didn't text her afterwards and i doubt i will see her again which is whatever. just thankful for the experience i suppose.

on another note this actually simultaneously gave me a lot of confidence as well and i don't have issues inviting women over anymore, as that was a big mental hurdle.

sorry for the autistic ass post but wanted to share haha.

@fumbor Seconding what Vermillion says... Generally, three dates minimum before sex is on the table is normal for most sexually experienced but not slutty women. First date bang is a rarity, and when it does happen, a lot of factors have to line up juuuust right with both you and her or it's just not happening... and that's OKAY.

If your expectation is that first date sex is normal and expected AND that not getting it is a failure, women who might well have said yes on the third or so date will sense this and instead tell you no to a second date, perhaps by ghosting.

Push-pull is an important part of building attraction. You want to push/escalate toward some making out, then stop leaving her wanting more. If you get out of calibration with her comfort zone of speed of escalation, to her it feels like push-push-push and there's nothing left for her to do but pull all the way away. Pretty sure I wrote an essay on this back in the Reddit days.

When you're just starting out in the romance and sex game, it usually pays to err on the side of escalating a little more slowly than "too fast." You'll know you're doing this well when you're in a long kiss and she pulls your hands to her boobs. On the other hand, if your Roman hands and Russian fingers keep getting deflected at the boundary of side-boob, you're escalating too fast for this girl in this moment.

Later when you get several notches in your belt, you'll be much more calibrated at reading women and escalating at the maximum comfortable pace for a given women for faster results. There's no pace or formula that works for all women all the time, though... even edge-case level Chads will meet resistance here and there.