@jcorb

Fair enough.

Well, I moved, found a job, worked my ass off at said job, and got laid off anyways. I feel like I shouldn't even be thinking about women until I have my shit together, but then I never seem to have my shit together, so I just feel like I'm in limbo. I'm trying to make an effort to meet up with friends (which is hard, since I'm the only one that isn't married or has kids), but I'm trying to pick places that are free or at least very cheap, like parks.

But I just still can't get past how much I just hate myself. Like, if I were someone else, I don't think I would like me very much. I'd probably just see me as "one of those people that's just never going to get it together". I don't know how to stop thinking that way. It feels like my brain was just wired the wrong way, and I just don't have the capacity to fix the things wrong with me.

Aside for being laid-off and single, it reads like your frustration maybe due to a lack of follow-through on your part, which is usually a situation resulting from a lack of self-discipline. So, what goals are you currently trying to achieve now that you've been unable to accomplish? I expect that finding a new job and dating are some of them, but let us know what else you're aiming to accomplish that you've been having difficulties with.

Better yet make a list. Just put pen to paper and make a list. Get it out in front of you.

@carnold03 Fair enough.

Well, I moved, found a job, worked my ass off at said job, and got laid off anyways. I feel like I shouldn't even be thinking about women until I have my shit together, but then I never seem to have my shit together, so I just feel like I'm in limbo. I'm trying to make an effort to meet up with friends (which is hard, since I'm the only one that isn't married or has kids), but I'm trying to pick places that are free or at least very cheap, like parks.

But I just still can't get past how much I just hate myself. Like, if I were someone else, I don't think I would like me very much. I'd probably just see me as "one of those people that's just never going to get it together". I don't know how to stop thinking that way. It feels like my brain was just wired the wrong way, and I just don't have the capacity to fix the things wrong with me.

@jcorb

Has anyone ever actually had any success with a counselor/therapist or anything when it comes to building self-confidence?

I'm not looking for that "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" bullshit. I'm 35, and I don't have time for wishful thinking. All I do is spiral downward, thinking about all the many ways I don't have my shit together, and while yes, there's always room for improvement, I just can't seem to break out of this habit of seeing myself as some POS whose only hope is to "trick" a woman into thinking I have anything going for me. And I don't know how to break out of that cycle.

I feel like I'd be more of a burden on someone's life, and it just sort of reared its head again tonight. There was a cute girl (comedian) that my buddy was trying to prod me to go over and try to strike up a conversation, and I just feel like shit about myself, so I just smiled and said "nah, I'm good man".

I saw a psychologist a while back, and even though I felt better when I'd talk to him, they were honestly just sessions for me to vent. I don't feel like I ever got feedback on how I could change or start working on habits to get the results I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I still got something out of it, but it certainly wasn't a sense of confidence.

I dunno, man. This is obviously some deep-rooted personality trait that I need to get rid of, but it's so ingrained I feel like I need some kind of extreme measure. I don't even know what that would even be. But I really just want to turn my brain off and stop feeling like a sack of shit all the time. I just feel... defeated, all of the fucking time.

That's the thing, how have you come to feel defeated, when you've yet to share having made an effort?

We've offered you actionable advice, not just once, but on several occasions over the last few months. You say you WANT to change your life, but you seldom share what, if any changes you've made that have left you content for the moment before engaging the next challenge. What's going on?

Has anyone ever actually had any success with a counselor/therapist or anything when it comes to building self-confidence?

I'm not looking for that "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" bullshit. I'm 35, and I don't have time for wishful thinking. All I do is spiral downward, thinking about all the many ways I don't have my shit together, and while yes, there's always room for improvement, I just can't seem to break out of this habit of seeing myself as some POS whose only hope is to "trick" a woman into thinking I have anything going for me. And I don't know how to break out of that cycle.

I feel like I'd be more of a burden on someone's life, and it just sort of reared its head again tonight. There was a cute girl (comedian) that my buddy was trying to prod me to go over and try to strike up a conversation, and I just feel like shit about myself, so I just smiled and said "nah, I'm good man".

I saw a psychologist a while back, and even though I felt better when I'd talk to him, they were honestly just sessions for me to vent. I don't feel like I ever got feedback on how I could change or start working on habits to get the results I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I still got something out of it, but it certainly wasn't a sense of confidence.

I dunno, man. This is obviously some deep-rooted personality trait that I need to get rid of, but it's so ingrained I feel like I need some kind of extreme measure. I don't even know what that would even be. But I really just want to turn my brain off and stop feeling like a sack of shit all the time. I just feel... defeated, all of the fucking time.

@jcorb

I'm 35, and I really not enjoying life. Like... at all.

It's been a shitty couple of years, and pretty sure I'm getting laid off first thing monday. But regardless, I don't know I feel like I want to keep going anyways. No family, no prospects, I feel like my whole future is just going to be stressing out to hold onto one job or the next, never having my own "home", basically just living paycheck-to-paycheck until they put me in the ground. Pretty much everyone I know have families, and the only guy I know who doesn't seems just as fucking miserable as I am. It doesn't feel like there's any stability anymore, and with the meteoric rise of people using AI, I have a feeling a lot of people are going to lose their jobs moving forward.

I don't have any kind of "mission" in life, and I feel like I'm only just recently coming to grips with the massive mistakes I've made with my entire life, never pursuing what I was actually passionate about. But I also never had anyone who believed in me or built me up; my cousins bullied me, and when I was laid off last year, it really came into focus just how little my family thinks of me.

I feel like life has just really broken me, broken my spirit. Even finally landing a well-paying job a few months ago, none of this shit went away. I feel like I was raised to just be a busy little worker-bee, and that even if I didn't have to work another day in my life, it's like I never grew into a actual person, just a mindless drone. I don't even want to do something different for a living. I'm sick of trying. I really just want to give up, and I'm not sure if there's any fixing that.

If you think you're going to be left unemployed come Monday, then maybe you should make a list of the things you've wanted to do, but didn't because of whatever else was going on in your life. Don't worry about how ridiculous, expensive, or challenging those things might be for you right now, just focus on putting your ideas to paper and making the list. Then on another sheet of paper re-write out your list, with the easiest or simplest idea at the top and work your way down to the most challenging. When Monday rolls around, whether you're laid off or not you make it a goal to accomplish the items on that list one by one.

I'm 35, and I really not enjoying life. Like... at all.

It's been a shitty couple of years, and pretty sure I'm getting laid off first thing monday. But regardless, I don't know I feel like I want to keep going anyways. No family, no prospects, I feel like my whole future is just going to be stressing out to hold onto one job or the next, never having my own "home", basically just living paycheck-to-paycheck until they put me in the ground. Pretty much everyone I know have families, and the only guy I know who doesn't seems just as fucking miserable as I am. It doesn't feel like there's any stability anymore, and with the meteoric rise of people using AI, I have a feeling a lot of people are going to lose their jobs moving forward.

I don't have any kind of "mission" in life, and I feel like I'm only just recently coming to grips with the massive mistakes I've made with my entire life, never pursuing what I was actually passionate about. But I also never had anyone who believed in me or built me up; my cousins bullied me, and when I was laid off last year, it really came into focus just how little my family thinks of me.

I feel like life has just really broken me, broken my spirit. Even finally landing a well-paying job a few months ago, none of this shit went away. I feel like I was raised to just be a busy little worker-bee, and that even if I didn't have to work another day in my life, it's like I never grew into a actual person, just a mindless drone. I don't even want to do something different for a living. I'm sick of trying. I really just want to give up, and I'm not sure if there's any fixing that.

How the fuck do you meet people after college? Particularly women, but also just friends in general?

I'm naturally kind of a home-body, I used to love going out with friends, but pretty much everyone I know has either moved, or have families and don't really enjoy doing things outside the house anymore.

I'm trying to get outside my comfort zone a bit, but about the only hobbies I truly enjoy for myself are either games, watching movies or TV shows, or going out for drinks. And I'm 35, so I feel like I'm really starting to feel that rift of being "too old to hang around certain bars".

(kind of an aside, but I would seriously urge any dudes still in your 20's; live it up, man, time flies by SO fucking quick)

I'm too fat and ugly for online dating, I've tried a few Meetup groups but those have really been a wash (people seem surprisingly anti-social), and honestly, maybe it's just something to do with me, but I feel like people are just generally very stand-offish anymore. Everyone always seems in kind of a rush, or they're going out to meet with their friends, it seems so much harder to strike up conversation than I really remember in the past.

I mean, obviously every guy wants to get laid, but I honestly just want to get back into dating. I miss having someone to meet up with at new wineries or breweries, or someone to have a reason to try cooking a proper dinner, or force me to watch movies I have absolutely no interest in because it's spending time together.