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I was 64 years old, and on trial for the murder of a close friend. I couldn't believe I'd ended up here after my illustrious career of producing such musical acts as The Beatles, Ike and Tina Turner, the Ronnettes, and The Ramones. How can they believe I did such a thing?
I was in dire straits (no, not the band), and desperate. I cried out to every deity I could think of, but the trial and my getting railroaded continued. There was one left I hadn't tried.
Shrek... I need your help...
Oh shit, was that out loud? Apparently it was, because my attorney jammed his elbow into my ribs as the judge glared at me and shushed me.
Suddenly, just like the Kool-Aid Man, a large shape burst into the courtroom through the wall.
It was Shrek!
my help comes with a price, old man.
...the huge ogre said to me, placing me on my hands and knees on top of the table I'd been sitting at.
order! I will have order in my courtroom!
...the judge bellowed, banging his gavel. Shrek replied:
here's the order: this old geezer is first, then you'll be second. Everyone else who wants some ogre-cock can just get in line.
He started ramming my ass, his ogresized eshrektion ripping right through my pants and my Depends undergarments and making my hemorrhoids bleed.
ach, natural lube is just the best!
...Shrek celebrated.
The bailiffs had been standing in silent shock, but one of them snapped out of it and approached with his knight stick drawn. He hit Shrek in the back of the head, and Shrek grabbed him by the arm and threw him into one of the undamaged walls, killing him.
The other bailiff drew his gun, but Shrek was faster with his trusty onionzooka. The bailiff burned to ashes as the smell of frying onions filled the courtroom.
Everyone else fled through the hole in the wall, as Shrek let out a mighty roar and filled my butt with his love.
I woke up in prison. Was the whole thing a dream? A hallucination?
No. My ass was sore, and there was a note to me sitting on the bunk.
You were supposed to leave through the hole in the wall, but you passed out. Better luck next time!
-S
That son of a bitch!
I still felt a sense of peace and contentment I hadn't felt since I introduced Jon to Yoko.
