The three biggies:

My recent dating experience made me realize something. Women are impossible to make happy.

Obvious and cliche, I know. But I needed to start there for reasons.

My recent ex gf and I broke up not long ago. She is a fun-time party girl and I did not catch onto that until we were well into things. It’s just another gallon of water under the bridge at this point. But an epiphany of sorts just came to me. There are FOUR main reasons why women are unhappy in a decent relationship.

1. She has unresolved childhood or other trauma - and she is taking it out on you. In her case, Daddy left for another woman, so she has “abandonment issues”. Big time. She was always borderline paranoid about that. So Trauma is a big one.

1. She has an addiction - and you are standing between her and it. In her case, she is a fun time, late night, dance club party girl at 40 years old. I made it clear that her lifestyle would. not work for me, so she claimed to have left that behind. She did indeed start spending more time with me and she did not go out at all for the better part of 6-9 months. So good on her. But as time went on, the streets started whispering to her in the night. The fun, the dancing, the attention, the men, and whatever else is dangling around out there. And there I stood. I never forbade her to do anything I just told her that we cannot be in a committed LTR if she acts single like that. Addiction is another biggie.

2. She is playing you. She wants to lock down a good man provider and YOU have a BIG target on your back. But we ain't doing that anymore. IMO this is fun or it is nothing. So she became increasingly frustrated in my lack of desire for more commitment. She did not earn nor deserve it, but she WANTS it. For many reason, I am a PRIME candidate for a middle-aged woman hoping for a hail Mary pass at a baby. As she came to terms with my lack of desire to “settle down” with her, she became increasingly unhappy. She wants beta Bob. I am not Beta Bob. I am Deeply Disturbed and I am not moving one inch from my path.

Now I cannot ignore the obvious omission here; ME. It could be that I was not enough for her. Or missing something - whatever that may be. Or hell, too much! But she never ever once complained about me in that way. She just wanted “more”. More texts, more time, more commitment.

I’d like to think I am very calm and easy to get along with. On paper I am a fucking amazing world- class man. Pick a thing, I did it. Pick an Ivy League university - I graduated from two. Travel, awards, achievements galore, father, ski instructor, former Marine Corps infantry, firearms instructor, own multiple properties, excellent reputation throughout the entire county in which I live - we would run into people from time to time who would walk up to me just to say hello. My resume is pages long. I have lived a blessed, wild and very busy life.

So if I am not enough for her, then she is screwed. I am nearly 100% certain she will never be able to replace me. No men around here have done what I have.

Nonetheless, for her it could be indeed insufficient. One will never know with such a woman. All I know is she was not happy.

So men, when this happens to you - and it is very likely - it helps to hone in one which of the above factors is operating.

Childhood trauma may require counseling, but it may be salvageable.

Party lifestyle (carousel) addiction is a deal breaker. This will never go away even into her 80’s. The movie Titanic was a warning.

Scammers and players need to be kicked to the curb at the very first sign of trouble. Rushing for a ring, talking about babies, etc. Context matters a lot as these are typical concerns for a woman, as they should be. But she had her fun and now it is time for hard work, burdens and the abuse men take in modern relationships.

I prefer to be the man who has fun with her, not the one who suffers her foolishness.

Good luck and stay safe out there.