@Durek_The_Bald

@Noidea

Should I end it or keep going?

Took another very long break from dating. Now I met a girl, went out, all good. She has a few red flags, but were not here for a LTR right.

The thing is, Im so unstable at the moment, that little, unseemingly things send me into a emotionally downward spiral. Were I ask myself afterwards if I actually went insane. It think it would all be a lot easier with abundance but I haben't taken any measures yet to build that up.

So Im wondering if I should keep going with her or end it and start clean from the beginning, i.e. with step 1: Build abundance by upping the approach- and online dating game.

(I cant post in the AskTRP forum apperantly)

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Looks like he was made aware of the book several months ago. While I can't say whether he's read it or not, it's good to regularly re-read, if not study, useful books to keep the material fresh in ones mind. So thank you for encouraging him.

@noidea Good on you for getting back into the dating game.

One of the biggest challenges in life is not letting disappointment and failure affect you such that you stop dating forever. A lot of females out there are messed up in the thinking meat even so far as taking psychotropic medications to suppress their delusions, so if your gut is telling you something is wrong about a gal, don't second guess that feeling. It might be the only warning you ever get before disaster strikes. Better to find out you're not a match when dating, than after several years of marriage with children. You lose nothing by avoiding being drawn into the maelstrom of someone else's dysfunctional life, especially as you claim to be working to sort out your own.

Being able to make the best informed decisions you can is one of the few actual freedoms we have in life. Regardless of what choice you make, take some solace in knowing that you don't need our permission to make them, just as we take solace in knowing we're not otherwise obliged to cater to your whims. Regardless, keep asking other females out until you find those who're better matches.

@Durek_The_Bald

@Noidea

Should I end it or keep going?

Took another very long break from dating. Now I met a girl, went out, all good. She has a few red flags, but were not here for a LTR right.

The thing is, Im so unstable at the moment, that little, unseemingly things send me into a emotionally downward spiral. Were I ask myself afterwards if I actually went insane. It think it would all be a lot easier with abundance but I haben't taken any measures yet to build that up.

So Im wondering if I should keep going with her or end it and start clean from the beginning, i.e. with step 1: Build abundance by upping the approach- and online dating game.

(I cant post in the AskTRP forum apperantly)

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Looks like he was made aware of the book several months ago. While I can't say whether he's read it or not, it's good to regularly re-read, if not study, useful books to keep the material fresh in ones mind. So thank you for encouraging him.

@noidea Good on you for getting back into the dating game.

One of the biggest challenges in life is not letting disappointment and failure affect you such that you stop dating forever. A lot of females out there are messed up in the thinking meat even so far as taking psychotropic medications to suppress their delusions, so if your gut is telling you something is wrong about a gal, don't second guess that feeling. It might be the only warning you ever get before disaster strikes. Better to find out you're not a match when dating, than after several years of marriage with children. You lose nothing by avoiding being drawn into the maelstrom of someone else's dysfunctional life, especially as you claim to be working to sort out your own.

Being able to make the best informed decisions you can is one of the few actual freedoms we have in life. Regardless of what choice you make, take some solace in knowing that you don't need our permission to make them, just as we take solace in knowing we're not otherwise obliged to cater to your whims. Regardless, keep asking other females out until you find those who're better matches.

@joyboy You can break down self-esteem or self-worth into several parts.

One is self-love or self-acceptance. You like who you are, you can say "Im alright the way I am". Another is self-efficacy, that oyu can affect things. That you can standup for yourself for example. I think there is more, I dont rember.

Now you could break it down and then reprogram your brain for each part with ideas from therapy. One way is cognitive: Think about times were youve got positive ffedback, things youre proud of, etc. Then tell yourself over and over that youre worth it, etc. Other way, better way...make positive expierences that bring you closer to each part of self-esteem. For example self-love - well I was about to write do things youre proud of...but the self-love has to come within without conditions, so without "I did this and that therefore, I can like myself" - for self-love it might be better to just try to accept oyurself, however that works. I dont know. For self-efficacy its easier to make experiences.

Or maybe its a deeper issue. Then try to figure that out. Thats usually a bit hard alone and easier when a therapist is sitting in front of you. They can be wrong tho or only see part of the issue. Improtant is to continue, one day you'll realize what is going on or oyu realize its gotten a lot better.

Or do fake it till I make it. If your nervous as fuck learn to speak clear still and zone out whats happening inside of you. One day it'll be easy.

I also don't take all the chances I get btw. The reason for me personally is that I just chicken out. My instant instict is to see it "approach her", but then it gets overridden by "something" (its fear at its core) and I dont do it.

You have automatic responses, like a string of thougths and/or physical reactions that execute barely in concisnous, that are triggered by events, thoughts, sub-concious thoughts, etc. You can break these automatic responses. Google it.

Have you ever gotten therapy? Something he just asks you "what do oyu think is the reason" and as long as you are 100% honest to yourself without ego involved, etc the answer should be close.

Or just find a therapist that is good and clicks with you, he can get you almost anywhere.

I dont know man, its lowkey hell actually.

@noidea

How to handle failure?

I got her number, I texted her a date suggestion, she replied double text with a smalltalk question... Now I fucked up the texting in the past so many times that I try to not text by any means, so I told her straight up that I dont text and suggested a phone call instead. She replied no and goodbye.

I try to chalk it up as doged a bullet and that its fine if she cant handle the not-texting but its bothering me big time. Im now again depressed to a point that this will affect me for the coming weeks, so that Im in no state to approach anyone. There is so much negative shit and worries my brain is spitting out right now, its unreal. This is obviously no way to do things.

Id like to get to the point where failure does not bother me and I can approach constantly. The whole thing with women is full of contractdictions and catch 22s, I cant find a reliable way of dealing with it.

It reads less like you dodged a bullet, and more that you shot yourself in the foot. You seem lazy, but perceptive. Try to be more disciplined and decisive in your actions to overcome your incompetence. Don't text with females to set dates, but rather call them up instead and limit texting to logistics to guide them to a location at the moment of the date. It's a basic mistake a lot of guys young and old will make, but hopefully one you won't repeat in the future.

To better help you with dating challenges like these, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.