@noidea @carnold03

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@joyboy You can break down self-esteem or self-worth into several parts.

One is self-love or self-acceptance. You like who you are, you can say "Im alright the way I am". Another is self-efficacy, that oyu can affect things. That you can standup for yourself for example. I think there is more, I dont rember.

Now you could break it down and then reprogram your brain for each part with ideas from therapy. One way is cognitive: Think about times were youve got positive ffedback, things youre proud of, etc. Then tell yourself over and over that youre worth it, etc. Other way, better way...make positive expierences that bring you closer to each part of self-esteem. For example self-love - well I was about to write do things youre proud of...but the self-love has to come within without conditions, so without "I did this and that therefore, I can like myself" - for self-love it might be better to just try to accept oyurself, however that works. I dont know. For self-efficacy its easier to make experiences.

Or maybe its a deeper issue. Then try to figure that out. Thats usually a bit hard alone and easier when a therapist is sitting in front of you. They can be wrong tho or only see part of the issue. Improtant is to continue, one day you'll realize what is going on or oyu realize its gotten a lot better.

Or do fake it till I make it. If your nervous as fuck learn to speak clear still and zone out whats happening inside of you. One day it'll be easy.

I also don't take all the chances I get btw. The reason for me personally is that I just chicken out. My instant instict is to see it "approach her", but then it gets overridden by "something" (its fear at its core) and I dont do it.

You have automatic responses, like a string of thougths and/or physical reactions that execute barely in concisnous, that are triggered by events, thoughts, sub-concious thoughts, etc. You can break these automatic responses. Google it.

Have you ever gotten therapy? Something he just asks you "what do oyu think is the reason" and as long as you are 100% honest to yourself without ego involved, etc the answer should be close.

Or just find a therapist that is good and clicks with you, he can get you almost anywhere.

I dont know man, its lowkey hell actually.

@Nich2022

Anyone ever fumble a genuine good girl? Regrets

Anyone ever fumble a good girl? At the time I wanted an OLTR and she actually agreed to it . Becuase in her words, I have many other great qualities and she understands man’s need for variety. Idk how I pulled that off on a “conservative” Lol

She was a traditional conservative girl who in my eyes was a solid 8 due to natural beauty. Cooked, cleaned, wanted family, hot, fit, nurturing, etc only questionable thing was her bc which was about 10 and maybe 8 with whom she did other sexual things with (she told me this, but who knows for sure, didn’t really bother me much).

We were officially together for 2 years and dated for about 1 years before but it wasn’t all good.

We argued mainly due to my ego and wanting more from her (even though she already gave a lot). Plus, she was almost perfect besides us arguing about the OLTR stuff at times and some other things I thought was nagging.

Long story short, she got fed up and started causing issues over small things. Me being stubborn, and me not wanting to compromise much and she eventually left.

Now I’m filled with regret. I even said I’d stop the OLTR stuff (because I genuinely was getting tired of it) but that didn’t matter.

She’s in the epiphany phase. But I own up to my mistakes and tried to get her back but that pushed her away.

Has anyone ever lost a good girl in your eyes? Did you ever find someone better?

This doesn’t make me angry more so angry at myself. So no RP rage. Women are awesome and I’d love to have another experience like that. I’m well experienced with hooks up and situaionships but I’ve never connected with woman like this, and someone I could be my full self with. Maybe that’s my problem.

She moved on quick and basically became cold. I’m flabbergasted by how much we connected then now nothing.

Answer to myself: Yes it happens to the best of us. You just have to take the lessons and don’t make the same mistakes. You were comfortable with her and that’s what you’re trying to recreate. Get comfortable with yourself in the beginning with any new chick and those feelings may arise again.

"I wanted an open long term relationship and she actually agreed to it... She was a traditional conservative girl... solid eight... Cooked, cleaned, wanted family... only questionable thing was her body-count... maybe eight with whom she did other sexual things with (She told me this... didn't really bother me much)... together for over 2 years... she got fed up... and she eventually left."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90

@Noonenoname

Girl disappeared now shes back

Below is my conversation with a girl I met at an event:-

==

[02/05, 17:15] ME - Hi how are you? SC was a blast I met some really cool people

[02/05, 17:19] : Hi there … it was super fun

[02/05, 17:29] .:Me- Yeah it was let's find a time to meet again

[02/05, 17:55] : Cool

[02/05, 17:55] : Are you based in ?

[02/05, 17:56] .: Me- I live in but I come to quite regularly. How about you?

[02/05, 17:58] :

[02/05, 18:22] .:Me - Cool whens good for us to meet? I'm available next weekend if that works?

[02/05, 18:23] : I can do at some point between 12-3on Saturday

[02/05, 18:31] ME- Sounds good so is Saturday 10th May ok?

[03/05, 08:28] : Should be good

[03/05, 08:28] : I just need to sort my daughter on the train at some point

[03/05, 13:52] Me - Ok where shall we meet?

(11 Days later:-)

[14/05, 18:50] : I’m so so sorry [14/05, 18:50] : Had a terrible bout of hay fever / cold… whatever it was - was not good. Hope you’re alright.

==

Should I answer "Hi I'm good no worries hope you're feeling better now. Let's meet Saturday 24th?"

Reads like her near two week long instant messaging disappearance was a god send. Now you have an idea as to how little interest she has in you. So, do yourself a favor and just let that momentum carry you off without any further replies. She's got a kid you didn't sire that she's already given you heads up she will use as a shield against you getting close to her. Good news is, you've got even more time to study the book, because this is where you should move on and...

@alchemist

What do you do with a plate that goes out without you?

Exhibit A: I've dealt with plates that go out without me, complete and utter red flag, I know, but if it's not your wife so-to-say, why would you care? Especially when you're 1 to 2 SMV points above them, and they have high obedience to you. Meaning; if you're traveling, they ask when you'll be back, or the weekend rolls around and they text you what your plans are, etc.

In my experience my previous plate was just like this, and eventually I couldn't deal with it because she wanted commitment, knowing damn well I won't commit to a Thursday, Friday, Saturday regular bar-goer (even though I previously worked at that bar- women and men are not the same - if she wanted to be with the "girls" she could have just socialized at her apartment with them and called it a night, or went out to the movies, any other past time for fucks sake).

Recently, what led me to this post is I have a new plate now, she's so far been very obedient, agreeable, and submissive, no known skeletons so far. Nevertheless, last time I came over to her's she briefly skid past the fact that she went out the weekend prior. I think that Saturday (day after we banged) and I hadn't received an invite then to join. Ok, I put it on the backburner, clearly some new poison brewing I thought. I smash and dash, go out the same Friday night, then explore my options the following Saturday night.

A week later, same old wyd text on Friday, same routine follows. Then, Saturday night, I see her out at the bar towards the end of the night - but, she did mention to me that she'd go out and asked if I wanted to join, I said I was with my brother for dinner (which I was earlier) and declined said I was going to busy, because I set the frame not them, unless they earn it I won't drop my plans and close my options unless it's a total dime which we all know doesn't exist.

When I saw her out, she was with her gay friend (I know he's gay A. because of the attire, and B. she mentioned him) but regardless, you're out where there's other men, that's like your employee using the company business card on his vacation miles, that man's lost the promotion when he comes back, in my mind the girl loses her "commitment" upgrade opportunity.

But, what's different with this plate than my last one is she apologized the day after said: "Hey, sorry if I seemed off the last night seeing you totally caught me by suprise. I didn't mean to be wierd, just froze a bit. Hope we're good!"

Okay... at least you recognize the bad behavior, then I weigh the pros and cons of said chick, so far. And even that's strange in this case, she said randomly "btw I've been celibate for 2 years" right after the first time we banged. Then she comes from a single mother household, told me explicitly she has daddy issues, yet always talks positively about her dad and last Fri before I came helped him with some things. Then, says she's been celibate yet has some distinguished bedroom skills (to say the least). This chick is literally a walking oxymoron/ contradiction. Goes out, yet apologizes...

I'm sort of stumped where to move on from here. Continue recreational routine? Should I be more concerned/ put my foot down in some way, or do I have no right? I know some of y'all will say I don't have the right to make it closed on her end and not mine. Though I haven't claimed her, I don't enjoy assuming she's out there talking to other men. What would you do in this scenario?

My attempt to answer: spin the plate until it inevitably falls, every woman has skeletons in their closets, some just have graveyards. When I notice red flags, they instantly reveal disqualifiers, bad habits are very likely to be repeated. Continue having fun, if you sense disrespect give her 2 strikes, cut ties if no resolution or reconciliation follows.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@filtereduuu

Plate abruptly left after discovering another plate's nighty in my bedroom

Been spinning plates for a while.

This one plate I haven't seen for a few weeks. Yesterday I texted her and we quickly established that she's coming over for the night. She works next to mine. She is normally super keen to stay the night.

She comes over and we have a great session.

Afterwards I go shower and get ready for bed on the understanding that we're sleeping in, and I hear that she's fiddling with the main door downstairs. I come down wondering wtf and she just says she wants to leave and her friend is waiting to pick her up.

I say what's up talk to me, she says she just wants to leave. I open the door bewildered (because she couldn't) and she says "just check your bedroom floor" and abruptly leaves, clearly upset.

I go upstairs and she just found another's plate nighty next to the bed I guess and laid it visibly for me.

We never talked of exclusivity or anything like that and I never implied it. One time she probed and I implied that I'm seeing others (she probed around safety and I told her I wrap it with everyone and we left it at that).

Yes it's my fault I didn't hide the nighty, girls are masters of this shit leaving stuff allover your place it was hidden I guess plus I didn't have time to arrange stuff before she came over. My fault.

I'm not going to reach out or anything like that, I may stumble into her again. I plan on ignoring the whole thing.

Wondering if you guys have had this situation before and what happened and how you dealt with it.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

This reads like the bigger issue is that something's going on in your life leaving you to reach out to women you've low interest in. The plate was about to fall out of inventory, but you're laziness inspired them to fully understand that you've no particular reason to ever want them in your life beyond casual sex and never will. Just renew disciplining yourself to regularly cleaning your room in the mornings and keep approaching other females to ensure you have a steady influx of prospective plates as others fall out of inventory.