@brownpride1488

chasing external validation

those of you that had a problem with chasing external validation: how did you fix it?

i have a need to be accepted by everybody, and often that need clashes with my principles, like i'll seek validation from people that i fundamentally don't respect, like gossiping low-class women and liberal beta men. i also have trouble with frame. for example, if i'm dealing with a feminist clique at work, at first i'll understand that they're just shitty people, but after a while i'll start doubting myself, whether i'm in the wrong.

personally i have no other solution than just keep on keeping on: stay away from bad people, don't fold and try to become their bitch, even at the cost of them shitting all over me, and maybe overtime i'll build tolerance to their toxicity. i also noticed lifting weights doesn't help. i wish there was some mental button that turned me into a narcissist who doesn't give a fuck what these people say. keep in mind, most people i deal with are ok and go about their business, but the shitty people make sure that they're the loudest and most impacting.

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

― John Lydgate, Abraham Lincoln, & P.T. Barnum

Reads like the problem maybe tied to lack of self-confidence on your part. Thing is, self-confidence usually grows as a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper and a pen.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.

Best of luck to you.

@Wintergreen

Got assaulted by bouncer, have chipped teeth and have broken nose. Feel ashamed

So I was at a bar and I was talking to this girl. She said I’m ugly. Although I didn’t actually believe I’m ugly just because she said it, I insulted back by telling her she looked like a type of food (don’t want to specify because I told my attorney and everything).

Anyway, she told the bouncer and he told me I had to leave. I asked why and he forced me out and then when I was outside he grabbed me and slammed my face on the ground. My nose is broken, I have chips in some teeth and I have cuts on my face.

I called the police and filed a report and found an attorney that has taken my case.

However, I feel like shit because it could’ve been avoided by me not engaging with the girl’s comment. Thinking back on it, I don’t think the bouncer really gave me any reasonable chance to even exist on the public sidewalk before slamming me but I feel ashamed because I shouldn’t have thought I could reason with a bouncer.

I do still think the bouncer was out of line and he took it farther than my actions necessitated, but I just feel disgusting now due to the chipped teeth and broken nose. I’m getting these fixed but still. It’s like part of me is gone, even if they do full in the chips with resin.

How can I move forward and not have these situations happen to me? I think I just need to accept that sometimes you’ll get kicked out even if it’s for a dumb reason but I feel so stupid for letting this happen to myself. Will I ever feel better?

Has anything like this ever happened to any of you guys?

If what you say is true, and your attorney agrees that the bouncers actions were excessive, then he should have things well in hand. Corny as this may be for you to read, time tends to heal all wounds. If there's any obvious lessons you should take away from this experience, it's that if security ever tells you to leave, and the property isn't otherwise yours, just leave. Consider adopting a policy to never darken the doorstep of any business that kicks you out. That, and you should use this opportunity to find other things to do, and other places to be, during your idle time. In the grand scheme of your life, you're not losing much by being booted out of a bar. They don't seem to be doing much for you.

@miserabletogreat

Advice for a big party

Hey,

I am going to a party on New Year’s Eve. I will be there with 8 boys and around 20 girls will come.

I’ve gone through a lot of material but I was wondering what you guys think I REALLY should review properly, or should do to maximize my chances to get laid not just once but multiple times with different women.

Only beautiful women are allowed, so not even ugly friends.

Like… things like you can’t speak about your sexual experiences with girls… but what if a girl I would like to hit on later on notices me doing sexual things with another girl.

I would really appreciate it if you could share your thoughts and eventually some things I should really read to minimize making mistakes that day.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@sandman1998

How to sleep with a friend

I have a friend for about 5 years. She sees me as a platonic-only and same with me. I did date her friend 2 years ago briefly. Atp, were more like just two dudes. But shes single for a year now and I`m also single. We dont live in same city but communicate regularly.

Im feeling too horny and want to just sleep with her. Id be visiting her for new years and want to do it then. Problem is were too platonic, Im not in shape and never flirted etc (i saw her just as a friend). How do I make this happen. I just want to get into a fwb kindof situation, but how do i initiate and not come off as creep etc.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtwiAkUj5Go

Don't bother. Reads like she friend-zoned you years ago. Better to use your time and energy to study the book, develop yourself, and approach other females instead.

@Larrythelobster

Day Game and Rejection

Day game based

So women give me sexual IOIs in a sober environment. Out shopping, university, gym, library.... Yet when I approach them I get rejected with "I have a boyfriend"

They'll look at me and align their ass to my crotch, sensual eye contact, get close to me. Etc...

Are women constantly emotionally cheating like this or am I missing something? Cause that sucks. Advice?

I got a good face, I'm pretty strong. But I gotta lose BF. Got a muscle dad bod. I'm working on it. But other than that I get confused.

Women wouldn't be imagining having sex with me or "playing" with me if I wasn't at least a prospect.

I'm getting back into approaching. I live in the suburbs and I'm comfortable here. But it's not great for getting loads of dates.

I have around 20 approaches in a suburban area. Most nos and I got 3 flakes. I just text logistics.

What's the ratio of how many women I'll have to approach? 100? Cause God damn. Its not like a city where you can cold approach 50 in a day. Suburbs not so much. Maybe 3-5 a week.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@kaanstks

cockblocking myself..

When I see a cute girl and feel the urge to approach (I have zero approach anxiety thanks to approaching hundreds of women), I end up cockblocking myself.

Internally, I think I’m not man enough. It’s not about her. It’s not about that one person. I know I can pull the woman I’m approaching—hell, I’m already flirting, having fun, and staying outcome-independent—but I don’t ask for her number, and I don’t even want to have sex with her. It feels like too much hassle.

It’s not that she’s out of my league or that she’s so beautiful she’ll reject me. Who cares? What really bothers me is that I know my potential. I was once in incredible shape—mentally, physically, and spiritually strong; resilient and disciplined. I think this goes deeper than women. I want that man back. I need to work on this.

What’s your opinion on this? I’m not looking for advice like “approach more” or “fuck more.” I want to keep this philosophical. Is there anything I’m missing in the bigger picture?

Ps. I had a lot of partners in the past, I know what woman is, what sex is, what abundance mentality, spinning plates, oneitis is etc. These are not my problem.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.