@Red_dead

Narcissistic Mom losing it with age?

Some background so im in my late 20s and my mom has always been extremely aggressive not sure if thats the right word. But she was born in a different country along with my Dad and moved here when she was 16 for college and such as did my Dad from the same country although my Dad is almost a decade older. They are by no means straight off the boat theyve been living here for over 30-40yrs and are very Americanized but they obviously still have a lot of that culture left.

Growing up you know I never had a tuff childhood financially we were if anything very well off, but definetley emotionally I was a little unstable, I would always get into fights with my mother screaming bouts, I was frequently hit as is common in that culture, but I grew up relatively fine you know for what it was, I just attributed it to immigrant parents you know my friends were also children of immigrants so I never thought too much into.

But even among my siblings I always got into the most with here, I remember she called the cops on me one time because I ran away and I even tried to go to the neighbor for help, they dismissed me as having some mental health issues. But of course every kid wants to run away so I started believing maybe I was a problem child like I was told you know middle child syndrome. Despite all this I can confidently say as a grown adult I infact did not have any mental health issues somehow maybe some ocd now but besides that I would say Im actually somehow extrodinarily well adjusted as are my siblings and we’ve all done pretty well for each other.

But as I’ve gotten older Ive realized the grim reality of the situation my mom was in fact not just a tough mother but a raging narcissist made worse by the fact that she was from a particularly aggressive cultural background where you’re taught elders are absolute. I quickly learned more like the fact the narcissits often have are born from other narcissists and that there is typically an enabler who does nothing about the situation. Perfect match, I immediately realized that my mom had never once talked about her father who died before I was born not once and she had one time made an offhand comment about not having any good memories with him.

As I got older I realized she was in fact not normal, it became extremely apparent when I noticed that despite the culture her siblings also knew something was up, mentioning stories like how she once slapped someone in church.

My Dad as the enabler is probably the biggest problem in the culture the elder is always right, she utters absolute abuse at him every single day horrendous things and he does nothing but still supports her.

The craziest thing is I started putting pieces of my childhood that went wrong together. I had gotten kicked off my childhood soccer team and I always thought it was because I wasn’t good enough turns out my mom got into it with the coach my Dad told me years later. Team was ranked #1 in the nation and many kids end up going pro.

Anyways why am I saying all this well I believe shes fully starting to lose it and Idk what to do. She snaps at everything even if you do something right she’ll scream at you because you didn’t consider something small it could be anything and then she’ll rationalize it away as shes always right “she doesn’t care if shes wrong she’s our mother” its actually kind of sad because I actually think its becoming a mental health issue, theres 0%chance she gets help because its frowned upon in our culture and my father the elder wont speak up.

My oldest sibling has an obsession to please her which is obviously impossible, I also found out that this is highly common.

My Dad has Cancer, diabetes , Just had the worst kind of heart attack and so Ive had to move home in the midst of quitting my job and starting my own business, I have no idea what to do I don’t have enough money to move out as its all going to keep the business afloat I have an injury that needs to be treated as well, so I have upcoming medical costs. I kind of feel sad because im watching my mom lose it in real time its always been somewhat manageable but lately im seeing flashes, her mom also had dementia so Idk if it could be signs of a impending medical condition no idea what to do.

Sorry for long post. Tldr: My mom is a narcissist but is growing increasingly controlling and aggressive with age to the point of illness. Have to take care of sick dad who is also abused by her but he is just as bad and I have no means to move out in the midst of starting a business. Certain siblings also have an unhealthy attachment to try and fix a unwinneable situation.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg

@MrSupreme

How to deal with the oblivious

Im almost 37.I started working as an english teacher about a month ago.There's a few pretty teachers around, most are under 25 and some are my type so I'm very attracted. It's just physical because we don't talk much 1on1. My friends are about that age and we talk all the time,both girls and boys.

Since my job comes first, I decided to test the waters, I'm not looking my best but I am the best I've been in 4-5 years.So plausible deniability is my friend here, with some body language, but I don't have much hopes with these young girls because they're way more into the physical part.

So, I give some looks, I'm confident and give some signals here and there,make em laugh sometimes which is nice as feedback.

But the keyword here is Oblivious. Not indifferent,not dismissive,not rejection. It's like nothing comes through, and they have this look like they just don't get it, and after a while I understood, I'm not being seen as a sexual being,just as a coworker.

Funny,fun,sometimes interesting, clever and maybe even masculine. That is all nice and I'm sure I'm projecting healthy levels of that.

But totally discarded from the market,like I don't even count Wow that is actually a first. Girls under 24 these days think men just stop their sex life at 30, and that age gap is seen as a long abyss

It doesn't happen with the Online Dating girls.Nope.These girls know I have s dick, sexual needs and they try to grsb me by the wallet

So what do I do when faced with such obvlivious women? Club to the head and ooga booga?

Just as boys are boys and girls are girls, men are men and women are women. Normal men don't think like women, so don't go about deluding yourself with dreams that women will ever think like men. Study the book and don't defecate where you eat.

You should regard your female coworkers as off limits to you and you should be off limits to them. You don't want to be apart of, or know anything about their personal lives, and you should refrain from seeking to bring them into, or make them aware of your personal life. If you walk into the break room and find one is crying, quietly leave the room and let them have their privacy.

@Newbie-Casanova

I think you may have misread my post. I am interested in a relationship. Bought these girls are not showing that they want one by dropping male friends like I have asked them to.

My mistake, but your post mentions that you "have side chicks", which I took for 'spinning plates' as the better descriptive for single guys. The problem here is that like a lot of guys you want females to think and prioritize like we might. It'll take time to learn to give that thinking up.

If you're dating someone and they're doing things that leave you doubting that both your relationship goals and theirs are aligned, ghost them, and move on. There's nothing for you to gain spending any additional time, energy, or money on them.

Study the book. It'll help you learn to spot them for the time wasters they are early on. Outside of that, learn to quietly filter them back out of your life, and learn to maintain your drive and enthusiasm to continue the search for women who are looking for the same things you are.

@DominicTheTiger

Male gaze vs. Female gaze

What works better for you? I've been told by girls I look better with longer hair (cuter, more aproachable). I've gotten used to buzzcuts and it fits my style, does female gaze matter that much when it comes to haircuts?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@Newbie-Casanova

Extreme high interest yet keeping options open?

Over the past year I've met a handful of girls with extreme high interest. Yet they lie about having male friends, why is this? And this means these women should never be trusted for a relationship right?

When I say high interest, these are the type of things that the handful of women did. Travel an hour 3x a week to see me, cook and clean, care for me when I was sick, did most things I asked of them. Yet the ONLY thing these women all had trouble doing, was cutting all male friends.

For example this one girl I knew for a month, wanted to see me everyday of the week. Fucks, cooks and cleans. Then she pushes for a relationship. And I said only if she hasn't been talking to any other guys. And she said no she doesn't have guy friends.

I went through her phone to find out that she has guy friends and has been talking to other men. I'm just so confused as to the extreme high interest yet still keeping their options open. Her excuse was "these guys have girlfriends". Which I won't accept as an excuse. So why do girls push for relationship, show extremely high interest, yet do stupid shit like this?

This happen multiple times for other girls.

I have side chicks, earn good money, currently traveling the world, and physically fit and we'll kept.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo

Study the book. They're trying to win you over into forming a relationship with them, because knowing that you're not interested in relationship exclusivity leaves some to see it as their hold my beer challenge to change your mind.

If you've made it clear from the start with these girls that you've got an inventory of plates and have zero interest in relationship exclusivity, and they're not taking it as their hint to keep looking elsewhere, then their attempts to otherwise are irrelevant and you now know who to rotate out of your inventory.