@IHateNames in addition to what @adam-l already said, the only things a man really can do in an LTR is remove one or more of the following: attention, affection, commitment.
depending on the severity of the offense (and how entangled you are with her), you may want to next the bitch completely, or just withdraw your attention and affection for a while.
This is not a time to revert to blue pill conditioning and cOmMuNiCaTe YoUr FeElInGs.
Devest.
You can maybe give her one off and don't break up immediately, but you can't have a LTR where you do the maintaining. You did overt communication once, didn't work, it's time for covert communication from here on.
You should be maintaining other options anyway. "The glass is already broken".
The pro move would be to demote her to plate, but not many men can do that with a LTR.
Guys, what do you do in a LTR where the girl does exactly what you said she can never do just because she's pissed off.
I pretty sure I explained this as a boundary
@Antelope yeah I get all that. It was definitely a gradual thing and I got comfortable.
My main concern is how much I'm preoccupied by how how she's feeling rather than what I want.
I have been doing some self reflection. I definitely have codependency tendencies.
For example when my LTR and i started seeing each other it eventually became her at my place every single night and went weeks without sleeping at her home.
Then for one night I have important things to focus on after work so I told her in the morning I wanted her to go home tonight. I became incredibly worried about how she was feeling and how she took it. She became distant during the day which made these feelings worse. I was more worried about her than I was relieved I could just focus on the work I needed to do.
Is this a lack of frame or codependency? Or both? How would you manage this going forward? I feel like I need to reread the sidebar.
And I know I should have so much going on that I shouldn't always have time to lay around but I am working on that.
Read More@IHateNames AWALT is about their basic nature. There are women of various character who make better (rare) or worse (all too common) decisions.
@IHateNames Conscious effort and rote self-training. Reading books about kinesics, body language, and nonverbal communication. As a young man I found myself clueless about these things, well below the level my peers seemed to naturally "get it" without the need for formal study. Whether that came from relatively sheltered upbringing by a not-very-social Mom, or an organically aspie brain, or both/intermixed/IDK. But, that's how I was initially from teens through early 20s when I really started to apply myself to learning about relationships and the human mind. (Gestures toward boxes of books from that era)
Thank you for that.
I'm still trying to work on the spazzy actions and way I carry myself. I've come a long way but still have work to do. What methods did you use personally to develop these?
@IHateNames I can totally identify with those types of relationships unfolding so at that age. You're way ahead on the self-awareness curve. I was your age in the early 90s, had to blunder through these very issues without internet/TRP guidance. Lots of books though.
I was naturally reactive to the point of spazzy at that age, too. Anyone could read me like a Times Square news crawl. Also unconscious about how aware of subtle body language can and does get observed by others, particularly attention and gaze. These were things I was able to not only change but harness to my benefit, once I realized and started applying conscious effort. If only I'd developed these skills as well in my 20s as I enjoy them now in my 50s.
