@brownpride1488

Valid reasons for LTR to decline sex?

Yesterday my LTR declined sex for the first time. We were at her place, she cooked dinner for me, was submissive and otherwise behaving well. We moved into the bedroom, started doing foreplay, but after I got her bra off she said she didn’t want to do it tonight. She said that her head and body ached, that she hadn’t showered and that she had to get up early. I didn’t react emotionally but got up and left. At the door she asked me if I was mad, but I told her no, kissed her good night, and told her to go to sleep and to get her chores done tomorrow morning because I’ll check.

Her period was coming up and she has some exams which she’s worried about, and just seems on edge lately. In fact, I did see her taking Advil due to premenstrual cramps in the days leading up to this. She’s been combative with her roommates, and she appears to be trying to hold it together for my sake when I’m around. She tests me sometimes but I shut that shit down and she goes back to behaving.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I also don’t want this to become a trend. I’ve read through other posts regarding this issue and users warn about “valid” denials of sex (due to period, etc) being a slippery slope leading to invalid denials and using sex for manipulation.

She’s out of her prime (26) and she knows that I have other options on standby. I believe my SMV is 1 or 2 points higher than hers, and the margin is increasing as time goes by.

She sent me a good morning text today, reiterating the period as the issue. I believe I should respond warmly (so avoid no contact), as she already has insecurity issues, but maybe give it a week before I see her again.

What would you suggest?

Edit: I have access to her phone and geolocation.

When one plate brakes it's best to not bother gluing it together in some attempt to fix it. Better to accept the loss, clean up the mess as best you can, throw the broken plate away, and get another.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@MidgetSpinner

How do you kill the little bitch that lives inside of you?

I thought I would have had this shit handled by now after countless relationships, but I still don't, and frankly it's embarrassing and I'm ashamed.

I'm referring to neediness. I never once begged this girl to get back with me at least, but it's this survival mode kind of haze I've been in ever since we had issues and broke up. I keep digging and digging the hole deeper trying to salvage whatever might be left of the relationship with one more message, and then another, and then another, and I can see myself doing this cringey shit after the fact, but in the moment I'm awash with emotion/anxiety and whatever else. I am not in my normal state of mind. I am constantly inbetween trying to fix things, and then trying to do damage control because I regret trying to fix things. I look fucking crazy.

The thing is, I know better than to behave like this but I don't know how to control the impulses and the urges to try and "fix" things, rather than just saying "fuck this bitch" and simply letting them go. Instead, I unwillingly opt to throw more and more of my dignity away until I don't recognise who I am in the mirror anymore.

It was like this in the last relationship too, but at least that one had a longer lifespan so I guess there was some leeway for how pathetic I behaved. This one there are no excuses for - I went into it strong, thinking I had my shit absolutely handled, and then the second things started to take a turn, I gradually lost my frame and then before you know it, it's all gone because I couldn't simply let her go.

Please try to help me make sense of this. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't want to have to spin plates just to have outcome indepence, you should be able to access that frame regardless. Surely there is a way. Whatever it is, please help. I never ever want to behave like this again. I am disgusted by my behaviour and I'm sure it's the source of all my relationship failures. Maybe it's an unresolved fear of abandonment. Fuck knows.

How do you build the strength and composure to be able to just walk away, even when it's eating at you? How do you do what's right and masculine in these situations?

Everything else in my life is handled, but for some reason regardless of being with over a hundred women, I still have this little bitch in me that eventually rears its head. It doesn't matter how long it takes, eventually it always does and it's usually when things begin to go south. I want to kill that.

Stop wasting your time wasting other peoples time in asking the same questions over and over again. Scrutinize the information provided and decide if its useful or not to achieve your goals. Develop a plan of engagement. Take action, put up obstacles to those who create distraction so you can maintain the focus needed to get things done.