@Zed_2k

Can’t shake resentment over my girlfriend’s past—even though she’s done everything right since. Do I walk or work through it?

I’m a 25-year-old guy (my girlfriend is 25) raised in a traditional Iraqi culture. I’ve left the religion and a lot of the social expectations that come with it, but there’s still a part of me that’s deeply wired by how I grew up—especially around women, purity, and what makes a woman “marriage material.”

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for about a year. She has a bad relationship with her father as he always has been phsycially and emotionally abusive, her mom is a successful gynecologist who never submits to a man as the men in her life are pathetic failures. My gf has nonetheless been extremely loving, submissive, loyal, and feminine. I was her first real physical experience ( we did everything but she is still technically a virgin), and I’ve led the relationship from the start. She listens, tries to improve (never repeats the same mistake), obeys, even started therapy when I suggested it. Emotionally, she’s fully imprinted on me. Honestly, I’ve never experienced a woman loving this hard or this loyally. I am her first actual relationship and she is mine. Before the guy she kissed she had only one close guy she used to talk to (long distance) and he fumbled her (by not comitting) and tried to get her back but she blocked him and moved on years ago.

Here’s the problem.

She told me early on that before me, she had one dating experience that lasted a month and a half. She said they kissed, nothing else, and it didn’t go anywhere. At the time, I brushed it off. But recently, I asked more questions. She gave me the full story: • She met the guy (a 34-year-old basketball player—she was 23) at a game. • He pursued her, flattered her, and they went on 15–20 dates over two months. • Around date 5, she started kissing him. • He tried to escalate sexually, invite her over, get physical—she rejected all of it. • Eventually, she realized he wasn’t serious about a relationship (he was going back to his ex in another country), so she cut it off and said she regretted even kissing him. • She admitted she was craving validation and closeness at the time, since her family environment was abusive and neglectful. • Said she never felt emotionally safe or connected as he kept convos shallow that's why she retracted

This is the only guy she ever kissed before me. No sex, no deep emotional bonding. Just a weak phase in her life where she was lonely and got caught up in attention and the fantasy of being wanted. She at some point said that she made it a point to herself before she decided to date him for fun that she would not "touch him" (sexually) or get touched sexually either as she believed that required a deep emotional bond.

Now here’s where I’m stuck.

Since hearing the full story, something inside me shifted. I feel like the fire I had for her dimmed. I can’t shake this thought of:

“She gave something—even just a kiss—to a guy who didn’t deserve it. Someone I would never respect. How could she let that happen if she really valued herself?”

Me personally? I have only ever dated 1 woman and taken her to be on date 3 (that was my first experience) but I never actually had sex with her as it didn't feel right so I thought my virginity should belong to a woman I love, then found my current gf and she wants to wait til marriage (fine by me if I do end up putting a ring on it).

What’s messing me up is that she’s done everything right with me. She’s saved everything else for me, worships me, obeys, and is healing herself for us. She’s even expressed guilt over her past and said she wishes she could take it back.

But I can’t help this gut-level resentment. Like her value dropped in my eyes once I found out how lightly she gave something emotional/physical to a man without commitment, without love, just because she wanted to feel wanted. How poor her vetting was since she retracted only after realizing she won't be able to live out her love story with him.

I’m not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks: “She’s not perfect, but she’s rare. Good enough to build with, especially in this modern world.”

Another part says: “If she did that once, it proves she didn’t hold herself to the standard I need to fully respect her as my wife.”

I’m not trying to be insecure—I just know how I feel. And how I feel is off.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I only started getting this feeling the moment I started considering marrying her (I never thought of marriage before this) now that we are 10 months in. I don't get why I never minded her past and thought it was extremely clean up until now.

⸻

TL;DR: Girlfriend was submissive, loyal, virgin, and deeply in love with me. Only had one dating experience before me, kissed a guy for 2 months, never had sex, cut it off when she saw he wasn’t serious. I only got the full story recently, and now I feel like I lost respect for her and can’t shake the resentment. She’s doing everything right, but the fact that she gave part of herself to someone I see as low-value is haunting me. Is this salvageable, or is it a sign I need to walk?

Did you date other girls other before you dated her?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@MidgetSpinner

I'm basically invisible to women at the moment, and not sure why.

I'll try to keep this brief, and if I'm breaking any posting rules then please let me know.

Putting game aside for one second - this is purely based on looks alone, or presence perhaps.

I am a good looking guy. I always have been. Had zero game during my late teens up to 21, and that's mostly due to isolating myself, but I've never not had female attention, even as a kid. As I am currently, not much has changed physically, I'm merely a little older at 36, but as men, thankfully we age like wine.

This not a day to day issue for me or something I even really think about often, but it's something I have been noticing lately and it's this: Whenever I'm out in public doing my thing, I've noticed that women basically do not look at me anymore. It is like I am invisible.

Contrast that with a couple of years back, or practically my whole life prior, it's like night and day. I don't really know why that is. I might rarely get a girl check me out, but it's very very rare lately.

I'm a guy who likes to look for signs of interest, and in fact I can't switch that off. I used to be very good at it, but if no one is sending me signals then what's the point lol. My only guesses as to why this is happening is either I look like shit and I'm indenial/blind to it, or I'm not projecting confidence. If it's neither of those things, then I am lost. Can anyone provide any insight?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@Lionsmane8

Things are lining up. Some retards will fall for it.. again.

The IDF is more a threat to the US Navy than Persia, China, or Russia ever was. Besides, the Persians didn't bite during Gaza, I seriously doubt they'll bite now. At first, I thought it was because the Chinese, Russians, or their own people were keeping things calm, but I forget that from top to bottom, whether young, or old, Shiite, Sunni, or other, everyone in the region absolutely hates Israel with a passion that burns brighter than a thousand suns and it's been interesting to see how absolutely laser focused that hatred can manifest itself. You could take out the entire topmost military command of any Arab country, and it would still maintain it's focus to hammer Israel in the ground, while sorting out the appropriate promotions.

While the clowns here are moaning about Israel, I've otherwise noticed more interesting things in my neck of the woods. Firearms sales in the US have plateaued and it might soon be legal to own a sawed off shotgun in Texas. I'm curious as to what specifically has prompted this particular move for Texas government to want to liberate Texans in this way. Argentina's also looking to legalize previously banned firearms, which is interesting. I'm sincerely curious where this might be heading, especially with what's going on in the world.

@Red_dead

Texting strategy is wrong?

First and foremost im well aware of the only text for logistics but is there any nuance to texting?

For example I lose a lot of girls on the first one or two texts and I don’t have anything to compare it to in terms of response rate, idk if its me or normal. Almost all of these girls who I’ve texted have already agreed to a date.

I literally just say hey it x from so and so where we met. They reply whats I up i give a short answer about what im doing ask hbu and then 3-4 texts having a convo then confirm the plans.

But I lose so many girls simply by saying im doing x wbu. I dont know if im being vague or boring or whatever. I recently read OmLaLa post about texting and saying as few words as possible, but im thinking nowadays girls are so overstimulated that they cant keep there attention on anything that isnt entertaining them.

Is there any merit in sending a more interesting text and then after rapport toning it down.Im not sure if this is just part of the churn. I’ve kind of become jaded now assuming they just met a guy they like better but its just such a dropoff I assume this is the result of infinite options on their end.

Do yall ever give second chances as well as I gain more experience Ive kinda stopped trying again and just pursue a diff girl.

Edit: Title is referring to my texting strategy not overall texting strategy

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb2Ct3yyB4g

Study the book. Use it to help inform your approach going forward. Any further input from us until you've actually done this and seen positive results would be a waste of our time and yours.

The suggestion you refrain from texting is solid practical advice. Others already explained why you should limit texting females to logistics for dates, but you're clearly determined to do your own thing. I doubt it will deliver all the positive outcomes you maybe seeking, but it's your life to live. Best of luck to you out there.

Google is censoring searches about "juneteenth." Think about the implications of such a large organization whose main value proposition is to connect search terms with the results people are looking for, and then blacking out entire ideas because they might come to a conclusion contrary to the new religion.

In a rational, objective world, this is business suicide. Your product is proudly proclaiming it is unable to achieve even its most basic of functions.

To the new religion, this is standard behavior and makes complete sense inside their framework.

For any sane, rational adult, this is as clear as a signal as you can get that this organization hates you and deems their religion more important than your access to information. They will always side against you. Act accordingly.

And yes, that's google telling me that there were only 2 results for my "juneteenth" query that had hundreds just a day before.