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Chantfire · 66 Followers
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First-light
2w ago  The Hub

@Chantfire Many congratulations. Its life's biggest adventure.

Expect the mother's personality to permanently change in some ways.

A mother is the greatest asset a small child can have. This is the time in life to support her, so she can do a job you could do if you had to but she can actually do easier, with more joy and probably better at first.

Encourage breast feeding, it really is on balance less hassle for all involved, particularly in the early stages, and a better result.

Women get very risk adverse and micro management obsessed about their babies. Accept this is natural but also be the male energy that complements this by simplifying and encouraging that all will be well. It really makes just about no difference if you feed on demand or on schedule (personally I would say on demand but it won't make your kid a loveless loner if you do it on schedule). If you put one or two blankets on the baby or have a rucksack carrier or a push chair, its all the same. I like to tell the story of my brother and his wife getting their first baby. They both have PHDs, they are professional academics. They could not understand why the baby was behaving like it was too hot when the thermometer reading suggested it needed another blanket. Smart people behaving dumb. Baby has internal thermometer, read it. Humanity survived OK before thermometers were invented.

The big secret to raising good kids is that there isn't one. Kids are programmed to develop well by themselves, provided they get enough love and care. It only needs to be enough, they do the rest naturally. Too much done anxiously is actually a worse result than a B grade effort done happily and confidently. What are you teaching the kid? -That "the world is a big scary place you have to be perfectly set up and protected to handle" or "its a cool place, go explore. I will tell you what to avoid. You will soon learn what happens if you don't listen to my advice and the good stuff is all yours". Helicopter parenting is for fuckwits who deserve a Darwin prize. We learn and grow strong by fucking about and finding out while a parent watches gradually less and less.

There are always hand me down clothes and toys to be had. Kids grow out of them, then you hand them down again. Spend your money on something better. Put it in an account for the kid if you like but don't waste it on gadgets and clothes unless they really are game changers.

Playing in the dirt is far better for them than playing with a screen or a perfectly created toy that leads them in learning. Kids will be directed in learning all through their education. Kids' TV is created to hold their attention first, so the TV company can advertise shit to the mother, then educate a little second. Its not really much use except as a substitute to having something better to do. Let them learn to be interesting by being bored and going to discover what they like.

Find out what they like and foster it, don't worry, it will probably not be what you know. Its a great opportunity to learn something new. You will grow too.

When its hard, remember it will all be over soon and then you will miss it.

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Lone_Ranger
3w ago  The Hub

@Chantfire congrats man!

My top tip for the next little while is breastfeeding.

It's FAR better for the child, and its FAR better for the sanity of the parents.

If your wife finds it tricky, encourage her to stick with it. It really makes the nights easier. The baby sleeps better, and so do the parents as a result.

My advice? enjoy this magical time. Prepare yourself for a 'new love'. This is really what its all about. you will never love anyone the way you love this new human.

It took me a while to fall in love with my children. I think that's how it is with the father. but this is a love that will last all your life. it is the meaning of life.

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Typo-MAGAshiv
3w ago  The Hub
@Butthead

@Chantfire

what made you think I was in India?

Early-onset Alzheimer's, I guess.

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Bozza
3w ago  The Hub

South Africa

Damn son. @Chantfire pls tell us South Africa stories.

My experiences with South Africa have always been crazy.

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Chantfire
3w ago  The Hub
The-One

@Typo-MAGAshiv South Africa what made you think I was in India?

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polishknight
3w ago  The Hub

@Chantfire Costco brand diapers have reported to have degraded in quality, but the Huggies they sell at a discount were good for my daughter 10 years ago. Pampers nighttime lasts all night, but are expensive so use the Huggies for day. I swear by Emfamil vanilla baby "formula" milk and use it for my coffee creamer in the office to this day, the Simulac is disgusting IMO. Gripe water is fantastic for colic but also just hold the baby and walk around or go for a drive if needed to calm them down if crying at night.

If you've done everything you possibly can to stop them from crying including holding them, don't lose it. Leave the room if needed so your bad energy doesn't worsen it. "Self-soothing" is acceptable. It's ok for you to be there when they're crying and you can't stop it because your presence will help them develop stronger sense of self.

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Chantfire
3w ago  The Hub
The-One

@Lone_Ranger You and typo and are fucking with me man . Anyways, I finally have some time to interact with folks on the site. You got any advice? I'm about to be a father

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Lone_Ranger
4w ago  The Hub

@Chantfire don't forget the leather chaps. assless.

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Typo-MAGAshiv
4w ago  The Hub
@Butthead

@Chantfire still u

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Chantfire
4w ago  The Hub
The-One

@Typo-MAGAshiv your other fingers are pointing back at you. So who's gay now?

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