@DanielCron

My girlfriend's mum threatened me when she was drunk - what are your thoughts?

Girlfriends mum threatening situation is further below

Background information: I have been in an exclusive relationship with my girlfriend coming up to 8 years now and we are currently looking into buying a house together. She's 26 and I am 30, I fell into a relationship with her when she was 18. She had an abusive boyfriend before me when she was underage (below 18) and he would've been in his early 20s. After she split up with this abusive boyfriend, she slept with another person and then me, which makes me the 3rd person she has ever slept with - she is my first proper girlfriend and I basically lost my virginity to her, before her I use to be a pussy, got bullied in school and my father wasn't around. Our relationship has been fairly smooth with nothing major, a few hiccups along the way towards the beginning, but that was probably down to my blue pilled attitude/behaviours that I have spent years trying to change.

As I have started levelling up in life and increasing my value (looks, gym, from 50kg skinny unhealthy body to a 75kg muscular body from years of training and healthy eating etc.), I came pretty close to cheating on her maybe 2-3 years ago (which I am not proud of), but I didn't do any phyiscal cheating (kissing, touching or sex etc.) so I have layed it to bed, learned my lesson and forgotten about it (I am going to put it down to never having felt wanted by anyone thoughout my teenage years and when I started feeling it years ago by talking to other women, I let it get the better of me, but again I did not cheat in the sense of kissing or sex).

About 2-3 months ago, I noticed that my girlfriend had started hiding her phone when we were watching Netflix together, she started sitting in a way so I couldn't see her phone screen (I never look at it anyway, I have always trusted her). At first, I felt a strong feeling in my gut that something was wrong because out of 7-8 years, she has 'never' done that before. During that time, I did not say anything and I let it pass. The Saturday after, she was using the same behaviour as the previous week and kind of hiding her phone, angling her body away from me. This happened for maybe 4-5 weeks, but I did not react and let her carry on because in my mind, if she is going to cheat on me then that is up to her, she knows that if she did then she would be gone. Between those 4-5 weeks, there was 2-3 times where she would disappear for a few hours after finishing work and that isn't like her, she would normally text every hour usually. I put it down to her going to for a coffee with her friend, but at the time it did feel a little strange. One week, we had a bit of a disagreement over something and I kind of slipped up, I mentioned to her that I noticed she had been hiding her phone and that she is probably messaging over men. She became very defensive, acting like I don't trust her and that I could check her phone right now if I want to - I declined. One morning a few weeks later, I asked her if she could Shazam a song for me on her phone while I played the song on my phone. She went to make breakfast for me so I quickly went through her Instagram and didn't really find anything, besides this one man she had been messaging 1 month ago from their last message (I feel very bad for doing this without her knowledge). She randomly come back in the room to check up to see if I had finished Shazam'ing the song though, which I thought was her subtly way that she was hiding something.

Our sex life has been fairly smooth even 8 years in, I have had a lot of battles with her over the years as a woman's desire seems to completely drop off a cliff the longer the relationship, but she usually seems to want continue contributing 50% whenever I have brought it up, which is a good sign. She swallows my cum, I cum on her face when I feel like it, I sometimes just want to place my dick on her beautiful face, then cum on her face and video it. We do a lot of deep stuff and this may sound slightly weird, but I have 100s of videos of us having sex, cumming on her face or oral sex from over the years.

NOW FOR THE PART YOU'VE PROBABLY CLICKED ON THIS TOPIC FOR I have always got on very well with her family, especially her mum. I mean that's how it would usually work with 8 years growth together.

Yesterday evening, I drove to another town to pick my girlfriend up as she was coming back to my house after she had been out drinking all day with her mum. I had basically advised my girlfriend that I had finished my gym session and I was going to make my way to where she was. I got to the place she was at and she didn't answer her phone 10 times after ringing her. I was sat waiting for 20 minutes in the end and as you can imagine, I was fairly annoyed at that considering we both had planned I was to pick her up. Anyway, she came out of the pub with her mum (I thought her mum was staying out drinking) and when she opened the door, I was probably a bit 'short' with her (I didn't raise my voice) and her mum knew instantly something was wrong and I couldn't hide that I was annoyed. My girlfriend explained that she didn't realise I was going to pick her up from the pub, her phone was on silent and she apologised. Obviously her apology isn't going to flip a switch in my head so I'm back to being happy, but the atmosphere probably wasn't nice for her mum to be around. I drove maybe 5 minutes and dropped her mum off at home.

Please note, her mum had been out drinking so she was probably fairly drunk. Before her mum got out the car, she said that she didn't like the atmosphere and she didn't like the way I was, she said that if I ever did it again that she would 'fucking twat' me and her tone of voice didn't sound like she was joking (my girlfriend played it off as she was joking and I shouldn't have thought she was serious). She said it maybe twice or 3 times that she would 'fucking twat' me if I ever acted like that again, she loves me etc. but don't act like that again, that's her daughter and she doesn't care who I am, she will stick up for her. At that moment in time, I felt shocked, humilated and bullied. To make matters even worse, my girlfriend didn't even support me in the situation and she didn't jump in to tell her mum to stop.

After this whole situation, I talked to my girlfriend over it and let her know my thoughts (that it was completely uncalled for, all because I may have been in a mood for having to wait 20 minutes and that I didn't feel supported, which is what I would've of expected my girlfriend to do in a situation like that).

In the end, her mum eventually texted me to apologise because my girlfriend had texted her over it. We're both fine now again because we texted each other.

However, I still can't shift this feeling that her mum has absolutely no respect for me at all and it makes me wonder what she would be like if anything worse was to happen, such as an argument or something? I am probably in the wrong for being 'moody' in front of her mum, but I wasn't as bad as they are making out. I didn't lose my temper, I didn't shout. I gently let my girlfriend know that I was waiting 20 minutes and that she shouldn't of had her phone on silent knowing I was going to pick her up around this time.

What are your thoughts? Sorry for the long read.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@Ronaldraygun77

Question for intermediate TRPers regarding Oneitis and resentment

Context: Have been entertaining 2 different one-sided LTRs for the past 3 years with various FWBs + plates that come and go. Have told both I never plan to legally marry. They accept this on the surface but considering one is 27 and the other is 34(and they’re women), they likely delude themselves

Some poor past choices led me to have to rebuild my life from the ground up. I’d like to think we’ve all been there at one point or another. During this time, 2 plates behaved well enough to earn FWB, and then trial-LTR status. Bitch Management style works wonders if done correctly. While one of these has been smooth sailing, the other I chose to cohabitate with (Big Mistake 1) out of convenience, our places rent being paid by her (Big Mistake #2). Even though the investment I have in the first girl is stronger, and her RMV/genuine desire in me is higher, and the 2nd girl demonstrating she’s not really LTR material several times, it’s the 2nd girl I find myself slipping into oneitis for and resenting for not being like the 1st. I know I’m better than her, I still game/see other girls, and I know my SMV is on the rise while hers plateaued and is on the decline. So why does the latter relationship spark more desire/attraction in me than other girls I am seeing? Why have I begun to let it weaken my frame?

Attempt to answer own question: The 2nd LTR sparks resentment for a few reasons. First is the 2 mistakes mentioned above. We all know why cohabitation is mostly a bad idea, and her paying the rent gives her soft power over me. Even though she’s made no direct/indirect mention of it so far, its presence is felt. Attraction was high during the first couple years of non-exclusive dating but gradually faded, as it does with cohabitation. There were a few examples of her being more attracted to other people/doing things she hasn’t done with me during this stage too, which I accepted and made a mental note of but forgot about as time went on. Last is her crossing several soft boundaries, which she immediately apologized/made amends for but the instances mostly followed the same pattern and left a bitter taste in my mouth. She still adds value to my life, but has proven this girl is nothing to be taken seriously. It’s this part that’s proved challenging and is what I’d like more perspective on. The situation is, at the end of the day, my fault and responsibility. I should probably continue to rebuild my life, and doing my best to detach from her, move out when the lease is up in a few months, and see other women.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@OPStolen You will need to get creative. Most fucks can't easily be arranged during work hours, so you will have to be called in to work some very strange hours if you are going to use work as an excuse. Getting the side chick on side is a great help -get her to be available during work hours- but not all are going to be available or cooperative. Odds on you will only get a few fucks anyway and this so its mostly a case of having a few plausible reasons delivered with dead pan confidence. Its pattern that will ruin you. No one can argue with one or two freak occurrences but if you start a genuine affair, then you will need to fabricate a whole realm of make believe to cover yourself. Who can you really trust among your friends? Who would be up for being used as an alibi? What sports do you already practise that could take you to somewhere you can leave the phone in a locker? Could you have a work reason to travel away? Phone fills up and you have to clear some apps...

In the end it becomes an exhaustingly tangled web once one starts to deceive. I have been there. getting a fuck becomes a chore!