@waybackmachine

My friend simped FOR me, save my plate

For context I've been recently reintroduced to the single life (saving that for another post). And I've been relearning all of this as I've gotten a bit rusty during a very long relationship.

I invited some guys to a party, aswell as a girl I've been seeing (non-excusive). With one guy I shared some details about my dating stuff to give him some examples as he's been single for a long time. I guess that was my biggest mistake.

So first thing we get to the party this guy says "I've heard so much about you" to the girl... I brushed it off and we went on to party. Then he loudly tells me she's so pretty.

At some point I go to the bathroom and I hear him say I'm such a good guy, I care for him and everyone. The girl should get with me and so on....

I take her back home and of notice the whole dynamic changed, she dried up, no more sex. She tells me the guy told me I really really liked her and I think she's extremely pretty. (He was projecting here, I never even said those things. She's cute sure but not the goddess he made her out to be at all) Aswell as details of us meeting...

Later I called my friend and he confirmed all she and he was only trying to help me, wtf. I didn't expect him to be this deep in nice guy land at all.

Guys is this salvageable? She now thinks I'm even worse of a nice guy then he is... I didn't expect a simp titanic event that would ruin my plate. And we're all 30+ ffs.

Obviously I'll keep my mouth shut to everyone and won't bring this dude anymore. I probably made more mistakes here too haha

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@Machiaspinner

Is it possible to plate o former oneitis(severe) ?

Hello everyone, I'm in a dilemma right now and I'd appreciate some direction.

An ex (a carousel cock rider) was the source of a severe oneitis back in my BP days. I never fucked her , was weak at escalating, swallowed a lot of lies, and she already had massive sexual experience when I met her.

When the oneitis hit rock bottom, I decided to break it off and fully focus on self-development. The breakup wasn't easy, but it paid off. I got back in shape, learned game, improved professionally, and started spinning plates. After that, she tried to get back into my life. I gave her a chance, escalated properly + solid make-out this time, and she showed signs of interest. But when I tried to close, she suddenly said she needed commitment and that she wouldn't fuck until marriage because she was "done having fun" (classic say from a CCR).

I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. She said she loves me that’s why she wants me to commit ( Best beta she knew , but i changed untill then). I soft-nexted her. Later, she reached out again saying she wanted to travel with me , clearly trying to secure a beta-bux situation: invest resources first, maybe get sex later. I ghosted her. She tried reaching out three times over the following year. No response from me. Now, two years later, she sent me an invitation to her graduation. She's 26 now, so yeah she hit the wall.

Currently, I have one plate and one FWB. I'm wondering whether I should give her a chance, attend the graduation, reopen communication, and plate a former oneitis ( who knew me when i was in my BP days) , or stick to the rule: "don't dig through the trash." Has anyone here successfully plated a former oneitis without falling back into old mental patterns?

Thanks in advance.

That depends on the guy and the sort of relationship the couple had. Unfortunately, neither you, nor the relationship you describe, suggests that's much of a possibility. Though you're free to try your luck.

You're just going to have to accept that she had her chance and blew it. There are more worthwhile things a guy can do with their time and energy than retread old tires.

Study the book. Resume blocking her from your contact points, cut ties with anyone who tries to reintroduce her into your life, and keep moving forward with your life. Let her suffer alone as you find your next cum dumpster elsewhere.

Best of luck to you, regardless of what choice you make.

@brownpride1488

erectile health?

as i get older i notice my erection quality has gone down. erections aren't as strong or don't last as much as they did when I was younger. during sex, I could edge for hours, or cum multiple times and be just as hard. now i can go for maybe 15-20 minutes until i start slowly losing my erection and eventually just go flaccid. i.e. the problem isn't getting hard, but rather staying hard.

i only ever do bodybuilding style weightlifting for exercise; i heard that cardio (both steady state and interval training) is where it's at for sexual health, because from what i gather erection quality depends on your cardiovascular system. also, i heard kegel exercises may help. i'm also not taking any drugs or prescription meds atm. diet seems ok too: red meat, fish, eggs, dairy, fruits, veggies, mostly legumes for carbs. sleep is ok: 7-8 hours daily. stress could use some work, i do get a lot of stress lately.

those of you that developed issues with erection quality, how did you fix it and what was the culprit?

If this is a serious concern for you, make an appointment with your doctor. If you have a personal trainer, ask for questions to run past the doctor when you see them. If you're lucky, you'll be able to get more pump in your pecker by simply better balancing your workouts with some cardio. You might also want to ask them both regarding useful health and fitness #books to check out.

@Larrythelobster

Navigating Modern Dating

(I'm looking for general advice. Maybe there's a flaw in my mindset.)

I did research and just life experience. The average body count for a 25 year old woman is 3-5.

I'm pretty depressed hearing this tbh. Cause you know it's just gonna get higher. Not to mention most girls I see in a relationship act very sexual for attention. Bitchy behavior.

Cold approach is a lone wolf fantasy imo. Outta approaching 100 women you get maybe 1-3 lays/success's. (if you're not retarded)

That's a lot of squeezing for a cup of juice. Maybe and just maybe they turn into a plate or a LTR.

You try to use social context to your advantage dating in ecosystems like Uni. or clubs. But then I feel like "DaT GuY". Cause I don't like being around people much it's a lot of bullshit. Guess get over it.

My thought process: Ideally you cold approach outside your ecosystems. And build slow leads inside your ecosystems to find a good prospect.

Online dating is a dumpster fire. Its not real life. People act very differently IRL. Most of the woman either all have the same generic profile or goth/liberal chick who wants me to have a tramp stamp. I switched my profile to be labeled as a woman for 5 mins and had 20 likes. ITS CRAZY.

But at the end of all the work it's the women your left with.

I don't trust women with marriage. And even in LTRs when you're not there they're flirting with other guys for attention. I've had good looking girls with decent guys give me sexual attention. I know its not cheating but if I saw my gal acting like that i'd be disgusted.

The problem:

So i'm left with casual dating women the rest of my life. No marriage. maybe have a LTR here and there but... It's gonna get harder and harder the older I get.

It's weird cold approaching in your late 30s and 40s and 50s. Im 20 so i can pass off as the young stupid guy.

How da hell do I keep this up? assuming i take care of my body to be physically attractive. Do I just end up single and alone around 40? Do I just give in a find a LTR at 40?

I'm just going be a normal guys who has his own place with generic normal salary. At some point i become 40 year old guy who's still single.

I'm uncertain of the future with todays modern landscape. Because alot of women are like scorpions and i'm playing frogger.

I feel that hollywood glamorizes the eternal bachelor lifestyle. I'm not a rich guy backed by the script. I'm a normal guy who dosen't trust the institution of marriage and the women i'd be signing it with. I feel my only option is to get lucky and find a good gal someday. But i'd really just be compromising. I feel extremely vulnerable when i'm committed to a woman.

How are you guys doing?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVgln2NNmzc

To be honest, feeling glad I'm not you among other things, I guess. Your report is pretty much the norm though. Most of the chicks any guy will talk to will turn them down no matter how good looking the guy otherwise believes themselves to be. Frustrating as the dating market is, experienced guys begrudgingly learn to accept the situation and focus themselves where they experience more satisfying returns for their time and energy. Some pour themselves into their work, schooling, distractions, or learning a foreign language before getting themselves a passport and seeking out greener pastures elsewhere.

Regardless of what you do, study the book. Hollywood doesn't glamorize the eternal bachelor lifestyle, so much as they present a carefully curated image to undermine your desire to resist their efforts to de-spirit and defeat you courtesy prolonged, sustained, mockery. In this case, your inability to find, or keep, a mate whether you employ traditional means and methods, or modern ones.

@brownpride1488

chasing external validation

those of you that had a problem with chasing external validation: how did you fix it?

i have a need to be accepted by everybody, and often that need clashes with my principles, like i'll seek validation from people that i fundamentally don't respect, like gossiping low-class women and liberal beta men. i also have trouble with frame. for example, if i'm dealing with a feminist clique at work, at first i'll understand that they're just shitty people, but after a while i'll start doubting myself, whether i'm in the wrong.

personally i have no other solution than just keep on keeping on: stay away from bad people, don't fold and try to become their bitch, even at the cost of them shitting all over me, and maybe overtime i'll build tolerance to their toxicity. i also noticed lifting weights doesn't help. i wish there was some mental button that turned me into a narcissist who doesn't give a fuck what these people say. keep in mind, most people i deal with are ok and go about their business, but the shitty people make sure that they're the loudest and most impacting.

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

― John Lydgate, Abraham Lincoln, & P.T. Barnum

Reads like the problem maybe tied to lack of self-confidence on your part. Thing is, self-confidence usually grows as a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper and a pen.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.

Best of luck to you.