@Bozza @SwarmShawarma

cockring

DO NOT RECOMMEND

I don't remember if we were still just dating, or if we were already married for a bit, but early on in our almost 21 years together my wife and I were feeling playful and adventurous.

I had a silicon cock ring I had purchased before I knew her but had never tried out. It had little knob-bead type things on there that should drag nicely across the G-spot, enhancing her experience. I didn't know what I was supposed to get out of wearing it, but I like making chicks cum, so the pleasure of her enhanced pleasure wad enough.

The goddamn thing was so tight, it hurt. It hurt badly. I do not have a huge cock, but apparently it's big enough girth-wise that this "one size fits all" cock ring fucking hurt.

She expressed concern at my well-being and said that if putting it on hurt that badly, I should just take it off. I figured it's already there and the worst part is over, let's just try it out.

The goddamn thing that was so tight that it hurt me, came off inside her within a few thrusts!

We spent the next several minutes laughing our asses off as I fished it out of her with my fingers and threw it in the trash.

We still laugh at the memory occasionally.

10/10 humorous shared experience that we bonded over at the hilarity

but...

0/10 fun at the time, do not recommend

@Bozza almost happened to me when I visited Amsterdam in the 90s. Was wandering the Red Light District late at night and went over to see what was attracting a curious crowd to the doors of a club. Worked my way forward then strained on my tiptoes to see over people.

A guy next to me said to nobody in particular, "A lot of women in there..." Far less streetwise back then, I took the bait and strained harder to peer forward. Slowly (having also partaken generously of the offerings of the plentiful "coffeehouses ") I thought, now why would this stranger say that?

So I whirled around to find his companion reaching for the zipper on my fanny pack.

Dude backed off with hands raised and an overly big disarming smile. So I called him out as a Gypsy lowlife who does not go well.

On this or another late night of Red Light District, I watched drama unfold wherein another member of our group caved in to his wife's unreasonable demands to their mutual serious detriment.

We were all ready to call it a night and make our way to the fleabag hotel we were staying in. His wife had gotten increasingly bitchy and whiny and demanding as the night wore on. Spotting a taxi stand. She INSISTED they take a ride back to the hotel despite it being only a few more blocks away. He wearily went along with it, clearly finding her shutting the fuck up by whatever means a premium value proposition.

So, they got in the back seat on each side and closed the doors. After like 12 seconds, His door sprang back open and he jumped out like he had been tased, and she slowly emerged from the other side. Apparently a crazy high number of Guilders got quoted for the short jaunt.

Strangely, the taxi lurched forward, stopped, then sped off, losing his prime position at the front of a slow queue.

We walked back and parted ways at their nicer, much pricier place she had snottily insisted on (unashamedly in front of everyone) after the first night.

Next morning when we all rendezvoused, it turned out they had left their backpacks in the taxi. Wallets, passports, credit cards, EVERYTHING lost! Took them days to make the rounds of all the places needed to get things sorted, while the rest of us did cool tourist stuff.

My GF revealed some true colors on this trip, but I was able to at least ditch her too many months later. Our long suffering buddy, however, was married to her and they had 4 kids.