@Prestigious-Exam-599

Got back with the love of my life, want to keep my frame, need AskTRP perspective

I’ll try to make this long story short.

I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. We lived together for about a year and a half. She was a great girlfriend, loyal, never cheated, never broke my trust. But I broke things off because I felt she was lazy and thought I could find a better option. I admit I spoiled her a lot because I loved her.

3 months after the breakup, I missed her and reached back out. She was honest and told me she had met someone new at her job and wanted to explore that. I respected it and stepped back.

She dated that guy for a year. During that whole time, I was still helping support her mom and brother (something I had always done, since I cared about them deeply). At one point she and that guy broke up for 2 weeks, during which she reconnected with me. We hooked up, talked every day, and I thought we were on track to get back together, but she went back to him.

Fast forward to the start of this year: I was arrested, my assets seized, and I went from living with big houses and cars to starting over. Even then, I still supported her family (and now). A little while later she finally broke up with that guy, and after a month or so she reached out to me again. By then, I didn’t have my lifestyle anymore, so I know she didn’t come back just for money.

We started taking things slow. Recently while laying in bed she told me: “After that 2-week split with my ex, I knew we’d eventually get back together. I just needed to make a clean exit with him and make sure I was making the right decision.” Later, she told me things like: “I love you so much,” “You make me feel like the happiest woman alive,” “You’re mine forever.”

⸻

My interpretation: • On one hand, I believe she’s the love of my life. She came back to me after I lost everything, which makes me think her love is genuine. • On the other hand, I know I’ve been guilty of pedestalizing her and her family. I also realize I haven’t always held frame — I’ve been more focused on keeping her happy than on setting boundaries. • I want this LTR to work, but I want to do it without slipping back into old patterns.

⸻

My questions to AskTRP:

1. How should I navigate this LTR going forward?
2. How do I keep my frame and avoid falling into the “provider” role again while giving this LTR a chance?
3. What boundaries would you set in my situation (especially regarding her family)?
4. What red flags should I watch out for moving forward?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@BrainDamagedIncel

Question on Ways to Approach 'Petulance Teasing'

Ya obviously it's some type of shit test. Context is we've been together for a while like at least a year ('LTR')

By petulance teasing I mean she goes 'hmf!! u like spending friendw tih ur friends more than me! (eg cycling bros, programmer bros)'. It's a very obvious played-for-tease thing but I have no idea what way(s) to deal with it are.

So far I've been doing some combination of the 2:

• ignoring her and continuing with what I want to talk about
• acknowledging with slight confusion and mirth but not directly dealing with the bullshit

These 2 I usually do by

• continuing to talk over her about the original subject (disregarding the tease)
• memeing about some random occurrence from my original subject (or the tease) eg. about needing to train my gleuts so I can be thicc like my cycling bros

I realize I'm at risk of actually entering her bullshit frame in this shit test (still). So I was wondering:

What other ways are there? I think it's not a very live-or-die shit test even though it comes off aggro/passive aggro a lot of the time before she switches back bc I accidentally made her laugh or highlighted a subject that made her interested

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

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@taya2002

GF moved to me, but I can’t shake resentment over her past with exes, advice?

I’ve known my girl for about a year now. First half was LDR, then she moved countries to be with me. Commitment is clear, we’ve gotten close, families involved, life is moving forward.

Here’s the issue: before we got serious, I made it clear that contact with exes is a hard no for me. She agreed. A few months in, I find out she still had a couple exes on her private account (she has a public one where they are still there) where she shared personal/intimate stuff. I called it out, she removed them, said it didn’t mean anything to her.

Later, I checked her phone and found there was some contact with exs, one example: she had messaged an ex an old picture of them saying it looked good. This happened early during our relationship. That guy is cut off now, but it still sits in my head.

The present is solid, she made the move, she shows commitment, she’s minimized contact. But the resentment lingers. I can’t decide if this is just me stuck in the past, or if it’s something I should act on.

Question: How do I handle this? Do I frame it as a values/boundary mismatch, or just accept it as part of her past and focus on the now?

Trying to answer my question: I think I should lay it down one more time, as if anything close to this happens again, it's done.

I've nothing new to say, that I haven't said already. You should seriously study the book and invest the time to cultivate a hobby or two. Regardless, I respect that you made decisive moves to achieve your goal. Keep at it.

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