@IDoCeramicHoles

This is gonna be long. It’s not ChatGPT generated, that you can probably tell because of my English. I’m not a native speaker and I’m typing this with chaos in my head.

I am 25 years old. Last year February, I ended a toxic relationship of 5 years where she never let me be physical with her. Few months before the breakup, due to my repressed sexual feelings, i cheated on her with a women i met online. The guilt after that was insane and I knew coming out of the relationship is my only way of peace. It was hard and finally the breakup happened. It only took me few days to get over that breakup.

That was my first relationship and I was an incel that time. After getting over it, i only had one thing in mind. Build the self esteem i never had (due to abusive childhood). Fyi, I workout and I have an athletic body with abs, but I understood the hard way that abs are not enough for self esteem. A friend recommended me the book Models by Mark Manson. Then i discovered redpill. With the new information i have, my world was changing. I started making approaches in gym, workplace, cafes etc. And within a very short time, i started to get success. I went on dates with few women, rejected some because I thought they don’t align with me (the old me wouldn’t have done that) and had s*x with few. Then one day, at the cafe at my workplace, this chick was in front of me and I approached her. was able to get her instagram and i texted her at night and my text game also succeeded. I landed another date.

Here is where my life took a turn. This chick was the hottest among all the women i have been with after the breakup. This made me forget everything i have learned and i fell for her hotness. But this was the perfect trauma bonding i needed. Just after the first date (no we didn’t have sx), she started showing me mixed signals. She would ask for meeting and when the time comes she wouldn’t even bother texting. This pissed me off and i would call her back. Then she’ll be like she’s busy or with her friends. Few weeks of flakes but the needy me still stayed. We went out 2 or 3 times more. Then after getting pissed off constantly. I confronted her telling that I value integrity and she doesn’t have it and also told that i am cutting her off. Then she played her mental health game on me and i fell for that too. She explicitly said that she wants this to work. Listening to this, I stayed again. Her actions didn’t change. I can’t recall a single day for the next few weeks where she had shown integrity. I was so devastated thinking my game was very bad that i couldn’t get her (yeah we never had sx).

We started to not talk after few days (ghosted basically). And a month later, she called me telling that she’s done with the work and leaving (we met for the first time when she came for an internship in a company in the same building where my company is located). So we met and bid farewell. She told me that it’s her birthday next month and she would surely invite me because she’d coming to the city I am in for celebrating it. The needy me fell for this again. She’d message here and there like 2, 3 times. I was in this emotional roller coaster of being chosen and not chosen like a lot. This was literally killing me.

On her birthday, nothing happened. Yeah she came to my city. I got to know that because of her instagram story. I tried to accept the reality and move on. But i couldn’t. A month later, i messaged her again. She said she’d call me back and never did. Few more months later, the needy me messaged her again. She didn’t show any interest and said she’s finishing graduation in few months and got a job in some other place. This time i accepted the reality for real. I never messaged her again. I unfollowed and blocked her.

Then i took a break from meeting new women because this whole incident hit me with existential crisis. I didn’t make any moves for few months. Then one day randomly at the gym, i met this girl and i got a date. It was not planned at all. I mean i didn’t want to chase women. But this happened. Obviously she was not as hot as the other girl. But still things were too good to be true after the previous incident. We started taking things seriously. The s*x was so good. But few months later, she started to show her anxious attachment patterns to me. I felt like this is another trauma bonding. Now it’s been a year since I met my girlfriend and 1.5 years since I met the other girl who shattered my soul.

The story doesn’t end here. I accepted my life - my girlfriend is not the perfect girl i needed but i made peace with it. Here and there the other girl’s thought were bothering me.

One random day, i was going through my blocklist and found her there. I was like “okay I’m never gonna see her again, her chapter is over so let’s unblock”, and I did). The upcoming month (two months ago today), i got a call on an afternoon when i was with my homie to go for lunch. The call was from instagram and it was this girl again. I was like fck, after 1.5 years, what does she want from me. I even thought she may have placed the call by accident. So i didn’t pick the call. The call hung up and she called again. I picked the call and she asked me if I still work here. I said yes and she said that she is in the building. I was like fck me. I took few steps back and saw her with some dude (not dating for sure, he seemed like an incel). I came to her and to my surprise, she hugged me. I was having trouble understanding and comprehending what’s going on. Few of my coworkers were near and they all saw this. It was an ego booster for sure. Anyway, I asked her what happened to her other job plan. She said she joined there and couldn’t handle the work pressure and toxicity’s not even for a week. She’s has this classic victim mindset. It’s like she vs the universe. And she said she got a job in other company that’s not that near me but still in the same city. I knew this is where i have the choice to go back to my pattern or ignore her. I didn’t say anything much and told her that I’ll see her later (my body was saying no, but my mind was saying this is my second chance - keep in mind that i am dating another girl now).

I didn’t text her or anything. Just a day later, she texted me and suddenly started showing interest and even commented on my posts in instagram). I started to get confused again. So i chatted with her. But this time, i consciously didn’t try to win her over. Two days of chatting where it would take her an average of 4 hours to reply back to a single text I sent, i knew she’s not mine to fix and i stopped talking. I didn’t say anything about this incident to my girlfriend. Now you guys will think the story ends here, NOOOO.

Even though I stopped talking to her, the internal conflict in me was disturbing me. One part of me was saying “I lost the second chance too”, the other part was saying “I don’t want this person’s energy in my life”. So last week, after a tiring day at work. Her thoughts started overpowering and I found myself suffering again. You wouldn’t believe what happened next. The next hour, this btch texts me again. I was like “what the hell is wrong with my life, am I like manifesting her back to my life over and over again when I’m asleep???”. I didn’t reply anything that night. Next day, i asked why she messaged. What she said next made me feel like getting fcked in the ass so hard that I wouldn’t walk for few days.

So basically she got her way into the company I’m working now. Bro she got a job in my company. F*ck. What is she upto. This happened last Wednesday and her joining date was Monday (today). I instantly got depressed hearing this. I knew she coming to my firm would make me regret working here every single day. I took the rest of the day off and talked to a friend about. It didn’t help. I did long meditation sessions and shadow work preparing for the disaster.

I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens I wont perform and self abandon by acting superior around her if i see her. So today happened and she came to my office. I saw her and shook hands and told her “see you later”. Saw her few more times again and just like i thought. Her pretty girl game was working. The incels i knew in my company who have zero game were trying to put her on pedestal. She was really enjoying the attention. As i already expected, i found myself shaking my hands and lips. Even though my life wasn’t that good, I had this confident guy persona in my office. But today, anyone who saw me could sense that i was feeling not at good about myself. So here I’m, feeling helpless and don’t know what to do next ranting my situations here. If you made it this far, thank you. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Admins, I have never posted before and I don’t know if I have broke any rules in this sub. But I need help, please don’t remove my post.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@SeasonedRP I appreciate the effort of the response, but still find the underlying assumptions fatally flawed.

Part of the problem, lies in the American Right's cultural aversion to consider culture and economics through a CLASS lens, as if doing so is tantamount to willfully stepping onto a nearly vertical slippery slope into full-on acceptance and practice of Marxism/socialism/communism-->bad and anti-American.

Even those individuals you name, who may give public lip service and financial donations to Left leaning social causes, often have economic ulterior motives mixed in. This notwithstanding, their position at the apex of power and control over the large numbers of workers in their businesses and organizations, places them squarely in the Bourgeois class, completely apart from the working stiff proles who actually perform the work.

Working and middle class people support the right.

Because they are most blind to the above structural reality. I find it breathtakingly absurd hearing working class folks, particularly blue collar, enthusiastically supporting the likes of Elon Musk and Donald Trump, with a sense of personal kinship which in reality holds 0% reciprocity from his end.

FWIW, even people working at the ground and lower levels within organizations like Environmental groups that take large grants from the likes of Soros, will take the money, but harbor no illusions that these apex benefactors exist in any way as "One of us." Wealthy people, whether donors or board/upper management class, don't bother to pitch through left coded channels to left leaning audiences, any "Greetings, fellow working class stiffs!" bullshit, as they're much quicker to see right through such a farce.

@Red_dead

Narcissistic Mom losing it with age?

Some background so im in my late 20s and my mom has always been extremely aggressive not sure if thats the right word. But she was born in a different country along with my Dad and moved here when she was 16 for college and such as did my Dad from the same country although my Dad is almost a decade older. They are by no means straight off the boat theyve been living here for over 30-40yrs and are very Americanized but they obviously still have a lot of that culture left.

Growing up you know I never had a tuff childhood financially we were if anything very well off, but definetley emotionally I was a little unstable, I would always get into fights with my mother screaming bouts, I was frequently hit as is common in that culture, but I grew up relatively fine you know for what it was, I just attributed it to immigrant parents you know my friends were also children of immigrants so I never thought too much into.

But even among my siblings I always got into the most with here, I remember she called the cops on me one time because I ran away and I even tried to go to the neighbor for help, they dismissed me as having some mental health issues. But of course every kid wants to run away so I started believing maybe I was a problem child like I was told you know middle child syndrome. Despite all this I can confidently say as a grown adult I infact did not have any mental health issues somehow maybe some ocd now but besides that I would say Im actually somehow extrodinarily well adjusted as are my siblings and we’ve all done pretty well for each other.

But as I’ve gotten older Ive realized the grim reality of the situation my mom was in fact not just a tough mother but a raging narcissist made worse by the fact that she was from a particularly aggressive cultural background where you’re taught elders are absolute. I quickly learned more like the fact the narcissits often have are born from other narcissists and that there is typically an enabler who does nothing about the situation. Perfect match, I immediately realized that my mom had never once talked about her father who died before I was born not once and she had one time made an offhand comment about not having any good memories with him.

As I got older I realized she was in fact not normal, it became extremely apparent when I noticed that despite the culture her siblings also knew something was up, mentioning stories like how she once slapped someone in church.

My Dad as the enabler is probably the biggest problem in the culture the elder is always right, she utters absolute abuse at him every single day horrendous things and he does nothing but still supports her.

The craziest thing is I started putting pieces of my childhood that went wrong together. I had gotten kicked off my childhood soccer team and I always thought it was because I wasn’t good enough turns out my mom got into it with the coach my Dad told me years later. Team was ranked #1 in the nation and many kids end up going pro.

Anyways why am I saying all this well I believe shes fully starting to lose it and Idk what to do. She snaps at everything even if you do something right she’ll scream at you because you didn’t consider something small it could be anything and then she’ll rationalize it away as shes always right “she doesn’t care if shes wrong she’s our mother” its actually kind of sad because I actually think its becoming a mental health issue, theres 0%chance she gets help because its frowned upon in our culture and my father the elder wont speak up.

My oldest sibling has an obsession to please her which is obviously impossible, I also found out that this is highly common.

My Dad has Cancer, diabetes , Just had the worst kind of heart attack and so Ive had to move home in the midst of quitting my job and starting my own business, I have no idea what to do I don’t have enough money to move out as its all going to keep the business afloat I have an injury that needs to be treated as well, so I have upcoming medical costs. I kind of feel sad because im watching my mom lose it in real time its always been somewhat manageable but lately im seeing flashes, her mom also had dementia so Idk if it could be signs of a impending medical condition no idea what to do.

Sorry for long post. Tldr: My mom is a narcissist but is growing increasingly controlling and aggressive with age to the point of illness. Have to take care of sick dad who is also abused by her but he is just as bad and I have no means to move out in the midst of starting a business. Certain siblings also have an unhealthy attachment to try and fix a unwinneable situation.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg

Rules for Retrogrades: Forty Tactics to Defeat the Radical Left

What is a retrograde? A retrograde calculates, night and day, how to return the world the Old Order of moral and sexual decency, classical masculinity, national sovereignty and national borders, faith and hope and charity, goodness and beauty and truth, Christian civic liberty, and most importantly, the social kingship of Christ. In the words of Shakespeare, a retrograde is one of God’s spies. The retrograde has the unique capacity for understanding the stark chasm between the degenerate, socialist-infiltrated world of decay on one side and the well-meaning, good-hearted, but clueless Christian world on the other. In a time of such profound decay, being one of God’s spies is a last resort and a pure it involves not “deep cover,”—i.e., acting like the enemy—but rather “half cover”: acting as a “contra” in the secular arena, a crypto-Christian counterinsurgent willing to fight like a Navy Seal and to think like a counterintel officer. Retrogrades . . . to the our aim is to reverse the deliberate, deuced machinations of “radicals” like Saul Alinsky who, by penning the rulebook of radicalism, threw down a challenge that has, until now, gone unanswered. Rules for Retrogrades is the handbook men of good will need to win the culture war! Here is a sampling from the call to action found within these No truth is “off-limits”; we must never be ashamed to be candid. It is a damnable lie that humility disallows Christians from standing up (for what they believe) in the cultural and political forum! Control of language is control of thought; don’t let radicals control the language. Never trust a man who is unwilling to have enemies. Radicals form coalitions but retrogrades form fellowships. The root of cultural decay is end feminism to end radicalism.

You can find mention of this book on youtube and other websites.

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How to Write Science Fiction & Fantasy

Learn to write science fiction and fantasy from a master

You've always dreamed of writing science fiction and fantasy tales that pull readers into extraordinary new worlds and fantastic conflicts. Best-selling author Orson Scott Card shows you how it's done, distilling years of writing experience and publishing success into concise, no-nonsense advice. You'll learn how to:

• utilize story elements that define the science fiction and fantasy genres
• build, populate, and dramatize a credible, inviting world your readers will want to explore
• develop the "rules" of time, space and magic that affect your world and its inhabitants
• construct a compelling story by developing ideas, characters, and events that keep readers turning pages
• find the markets for speculative fiction, reach them, and get published
• submit queries, write cover letters, find an agent, and live the life of a writer

The boundaries of your imagination are infinite. Explore them with Orson Scott Card and create fiction that casts a spell over agents, publishers, and readers from every world.

You can also find mention of this book on Youtube, the internet archive as well as on other websites.

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