@MidgetSpinner

Are dating apps a problem now, or is it me?

Immediately, I will be honest and say I'm a little lazy with dating apps. I swipe right on everything, and then filter out the matches after the fact, but I don't believe it would matter even if I didn't - in fact, I'd probably have less matches.

Here's the issue: Basically all of my matches are with women I don't consider to be in my league. I don't have a distorted or warped view of myself, I know my worth and I know the kind of women I'm capable of getting, but for some reason it ain't happening on these apps anymore.

Back in the day (pre-covid), I approached these apps with the same laziness, and got wayyyyy more matches, and much better options too. What has changed? Because I'm pretty certain it isn't me, and I know I'm not the only one who's noticed this.

Edit: Could be because I'm a little older now, but I doubt it. More than likely it is because online dating has shifted more to social media platforms such as Instagram where attractive women can advertise themselves much more easily for very high value men, leaving all the lake monsters and decrepid single mothers for dating apps. Probably a lot more complex than that, or maybe it's that my face is not en vogue post-covid. Maybe they can detect that I'm not an esteemed, vaccinated soy lord. No idea, that's why I'm here.

@Noonenoname

Is this girl just after free attention?

Here is a chat I had with a girl. Is she just after free attention and if so should I just ignore her? (it's quite long so feel free to just skim through it quickly it or ignore it completely if you so desire).

tl:dr When I suggested to meet she said she was busy but didn't come up with an alternative date she has now started messaging me so maybe she just wants free attention?

[02/05, 16:59] .: ME - Hi how are you?

[02/05, 17:01] Her - : Hi

[02/05, 17:01] Her - : I'm good thanks xx

[02/05, 17:09] Me - Cool what you up to?

[02/05, 17:16] Her - : Dinner time here at the moment What about you

[02/05, 17:19] .: ME - Doing a bit of work and waiting for an ice cream to reach the perfect amount of Melted

[02/05, 17:20] Her - : Sounds productive lol

[02/05, 17:20] Her - : Did you enjoy yourself at the party on Wednesday? There was a lot of people that turned up!

[02/05, 17:20] ME - Who says men can't multi talk I got this like a boss

[02/05, 17:20] HER - Super skills

[02/05, 17:21] ME - Yeah it was a blast I met some really cool people and I learned about a profession I didn't know existed

[02/05, 17:31] HER - Yes it was very interesting

[02/05, 17:31] HER - : Do you think you would be keen to book with someone to experience

[02/05, 17:32] ME - You mean book with someone for a message?

[02/05, 17:32] Her-: Yea

[02/05, 17:32] HER - Especially a more sensual one

[02/05, 17:33] ME - Yeah I'm open to that

[02/05, 17:34] HER - It's amazing how many are out there offering similar services Still seems like a bit of a secret society lol

[02/05, 17:38] ME - Yeah I suppose it is. Next time swap your heart shaped glasses for dark shades to keep things secret

[02/05, 17:39] ME - You are now a secret agent

[02/05, 17:45] HER - Just call me croft haha

[02/05, 17:45] HER - : Have you got any weekend plans

[02/05, 17:45] HER - : What do you normally do in your spare time

[02/05, 17:48] ME - You're showing your age there Mrs Croft. Possibly working this weekend how about you? I guess you don't get much free time either?

I've been spending a lot of my spare time working need to make more time for fun events.

[02/05, 17:52] HER - Ah ok. Lots of work on your plate by the sounds of it

[02/05, 17:53] HER - Spare time I read a bit, sometimes writing, adult colouring, yoga most Mondays, walking, choir and massage with naughty friends

[02/05, 17:59] ME - Nice are you free next weekend?

[02/05, 18:18] HER - Weekend is usually family time I'm quite busy

[02/05, 18:39] ME - what day works best for you?

[03/05, 20:47] HER - Will figure out something x

[03/05, 20:47] HER - How was your day hopefully you got a little break from work

[03/05, 22:09] ME - It was good had a bit of a break how about you?

[03/05, 22:13] HER - Aww glad to hear it

[03/05, 22:13] HER - : Well I was busy went to a kids bday party for the afternoon

[03/05, 22:15] ME - Wow you know how to live life on the wild side.

[03/05, 22:31]HER - : Something like that haha

[03/05, 23:21] ME - My mum always warned me about wild party girls like you

[04/05, 07:21] HER - Did she?! Mum may be right there Continue at your own risk

[08/05, 10:45] HER - How are you?

Up to much today? Xx

===

Attempt to answer - I think she may be after free attention based on her interest to chat but not a strong interest to arrange to meet.

The problem isn't that she's following her instincts by seeking out male attention, but that a year later you're still using text's to communicate with females and don't as of yet appear to particularly value your time. Study the book and consider exploring hobbies to find something engaging to occupy yourself when not dealing with work, chores, or school.

@woodsmoke Titanic does this thing which Hollywood does a lot; Making the losing male love interest into an unlikeable character, a "bad man", someone the audience will have a hard time empathising with. This serves to relieve the female protagonist of any real moral dilemma, thus relieving her of responsibility ("he was a piece of shit anyways").

The reason they do this is because that sort of scripting is appealing to women. Yes, it makes for an uninteresting, crap movie, but it's fascinating in the sense that it mirrors the sort of after-the-fact scripting a woman will tend to write in her own head, with regards to ex-husbands and such. One can say a lot about Hollywood, but they do know how to appeal to normies.

One of the reasons I genuinely enjoyed The Worst Person In The World (2021) - which is also sort of romance movie from the female perspective - is that it didn't do just that. All the male love interests in that movie are good, charming, likeable guys in their own ways. This leaves the female protagonist with some actual hard decisions to make, decisions that are going to hurt people the audience cares about, knocking the halo off of the female main's head.

Hollywood is notoriously bad at writing interesting female main characters, because Hollywood doesn't allow for actual negative, unlikeable traits, or real guilt, in a female character.