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12h ago Ask TRP
@mattyanon Hahaha I was just checking this guys profile and got irritated at this copy paste shit. Saw you getting pissed off as well made me laugh, cheers
Caught feelings - how much to disclose
At the core I'm a very sensitive/emotional guy, although I try not to show it. I've tried changing it many times, ignoring it, practice stoicism etc., ocasionally it helped, but it's never changed the fundamentals, so I've tried to embrace it more now
I probably sound like a little girl writing this, but here's the situation
Background on this girl: Started as plate around 1 yr ago, after 6 months time I told her I wasn't sure if we were gonna be more than that. She opened up a lot after that, she had a lot of walls up before it, so after that I enjoyed getting to know the real her. She started growing on me, cooking delicious meals, massage, submissive etc (she did stuff like that before too, but it felt different kind of). We became FWB, I also opened up abt myself more and turned out that we're very similar in a lot of ways, talking with her feels relatable, easy and natural. Regardless I stuck to TRP, talking w other girls n seeing them ocasionally, although it felt different than with her
End of July we were spending a lot of time together, at one point even 2-3 straight days - which I've never done with anyone except my ex, I even preferred her company over my ex. I wasn't seeing anyone else in these weeks either, as I didn't have much desire to do so, sex was truly amazing. Even then I would want to be friends with this girl I've even if it meant being platonic (first time I ever genuinely considered that), so I started to consider the possiblility of LTR this girl (she's made it clear she dearly wishes for it). I was conflicted - I could see potential in her as a life partner, but also still wanted to explore other options and find out if it's what I truly want already, so I decided I was not going to rush it, and give it proper thought.
Start august we find out we got into uni in different cities, althought only 1hour apart, I won't do LDR. So automatically I put my thought about LTR'ing her on hold, thinking possibly in the future if/when she comes back to my city and just leave it there. I still liked her enough to go explore her uni city with her, and watch meteor shower. But still something shifted in me as I knew I had to start pursuing other options again as I won't LTR a LDR.
So I did. Coincidentally date with new girl was pre-lined up, day right after we went to watch meteor showers (spontaneous), and tbh I felt guilty about it, but tried to brush it off. Date went well, made out and planned 2nd date at my place. Day after I went to a festival but ultimately got too drunk and crashed at FWB place. Morning after I'm saying my goodbyes and she feels the condom in my jacket ( we dont use together), and she starts asking questions etc. - I tell her how it is, kind of, and she breaks down saying she thought I wasn't seeing anyone else at this point, if I had feelings for them, or spend time with them like I did w her - which truthfully I didn't, but still was hesitant about saying it. We talk about our relation for a while, and she asks if she was just imagining things, I say that I withdrew myself emotionally when I learned we are gonna start different unis, putting my thoughts abt going exclusive with her on hold, and that even if I was seeing other girls, I could still have feelings and love for her. She broke down again imagining me being with others, and I started questioning it a bit myself, since I do care about her a lot, and what I had been having besides her was seeing girls I had no feelings for - was this worth genuinely deeply hurting her for - this was the first time I truly questioned this, and felt kind of bad, but told myself I couldn't blame myself for it. She cried in my arms and I told her I would miss her and that I enjoyed the time I spent with her. She didn't want our relation to end either, said she had even thought about not starting the uni, even though its her dream education, to try and get into this city next year instead. We left it open-ended and I went home to sleep.
Waking up I thought it didn't change reality that we will be in different cities soon, so I convinced myself not to cancel the date with the other girl which was planned the day after, although I was not looking forward to it. All day I thought about canceling/rescheduling, but end up forcing myself to just do it. I proceed with the date, but was thinking about FWB alot during it, and how much it would hurt her if she knew - I felt sick, but tried to ignore it. After a while we close in for sex, but I felt so off physically, that I struggled to get an erection, both times I got fully hard I lost it, even after penetration. I physically or mentally couldnt do it, I penetrate, shes moaning and everything but somehow I just get turned off. It's just not the same as with FWB, is basically all I'm thinking about. I felt bad for the other girl but I had to send her home and reflect on myself. I felt disgusting for doing this, especially toward myself, forcing sex that I had little desire for. Went to gym to vent some of my frustration and feel better today
With FWB girl decided to just see what happens, we have date plans this week, and I'm hestitant to tell her any of this, but I feel like confessing to get it off my chest, hence this post. I already told her I have feelings for her before, but also that I'm not sure if we'll be LTR. I tried to ignore my feelings for her and be stoic, but in the end it left me feeling disgusting about myself.
Am I overreacting? Should I even feel bad about this other than betraying my own feelings? I never told her that I had fully commited to her - I didn't owe it. Should I give it a few days before even making any plans with her? Should I tell her any of this? I feel like I shouldn't tell her what happend, if anything just the conclusion that I reached from what happenend, that she's the only girl I have genuine feelings for atm, and that she's special to me. Not to gain anything, I wouldn't want her giving up her dream education - when I'm not even sure that I would LTR even if so. But still I would get it off my chest and be at peace?
Hoping that any of your wise input will help me clear/get my head, straight
Fuck this post ended up way longer than I hoped it would
It reads like you could use some help. Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read MoreUnder what circumstances would you eat a girl's ass?
Would you do it in context of a One Night Stand, or would you only do it in the Long Term Relationship? Me personally, I would exclusively do it in the Long Term Relationship, but it didn't work few months ago due to some jealousy issues (hard to explain) . A bit about myself , Í love ass, slapping it, biting it, licking it, etc, but i find myself kinda hesitant to start licking/kissing the butthole, any tips ? I really love buttholes .
1d ago Ask TRP
@Typo-MAGAshiv Thanks for the heads up and answer on original post. I took your advice, and did not bother with any overt dread game - I am nothing to her.
Just had a follow question. I’m visiting the mentioned females country (she vaguely knew I’m visiting in the future but doesn’t know exact dates). I’m not visiting because of her either. With that in mind should I bother asking her out for drinks - a week or two before I arrive ?
just so you know:
1) the guy you're replying to spams that same stupid book with the same copied + pasted screed to every single question
2) almost every active user here has him blocked and/or is blocked by him
3) he's most likely a virgin, and therefore has no experience or knowledge of what works or doesn't.
LTR (F34): low sex, repeated lies - I(M37) moved in and over-invested. Next moves to fix this?
Hey everyone, I’m here for your advice to turn my current situation it a one that is better for me.
TL;DR: I moved in, invested heavily, sex is scarce, and she’s lied multiple times about meeting an older “wine friend.” I don’t want to police my partner; I want honesty and desire. I’m leaning toward accepting her offer of sexual openness (I can see other people) and if that doesn't change anything (spark desire & attraction & raise my value in her mind, a bit of jealously) moving out, making myself rare (remove convenience, but be than also only available in the "good & fun" moment) or straight breakup.
Me/LTR context
2 years dating, ~1 year official LTR. I (M37) moved into her place after her (F34) roommate left. I help a lot (dog care, logistics, small money stuff, errants - to make her live easier because she had a hard time - depression ...). I’m stable/boring (behavior & fianancials ~ earn well, spend on nothing fancy - still no stingy regularly take her out to dinner) and low-drama. I have sexual needs. She says the pill kills her libido. Sex has been rare. Her past is “adventurous.” I didn’t care; if anything I wanted a partner who’s sexually open - with me. She makes a shitty day better by giving me a hug or just be there with me. (But too often in such movement the answer is "It's hot" or "I need some space")
The breaking trust (timeline)
Early this year: She floated trips to cities where past guys live (“just visiting,” “cheap Chromecast for there,” "I like to travel" etc.). After one of the trips I said the pattern felt off. She offered the phone; I checked (hesitated, then did it). I found freshly deleted messages I could recover. On that trip (with her sister) She’d arranged a “movie night” with an old fling (personal relationship - because he help her get her dog); it became dinner. Fallout: “You accused me,” “you looked through my phone.” We talked it out. I set the boundary: I don’t police you; I do require no lying.
A month ago: Said she had a work wine tasting. Sister’s comments and logistics didn’t add up (going in heals up a high mountain, midnight lift with “kids and dogs” in the car from the partner of a colleague?). I checked again (this time without asking; I didn’t want the “deleted” issue repeat). Found she’d been meeting an older guy from tastings for regular walks (when she was out walking the dog); dinner that night was with him, not work. Confronted; she confirmed. I repeated my boundary: see whoever friends thats ok; don’t lie because this makes it something you want hide from me - and than I have to assume its something bad for me.
Last week: I was at my parents helping them for the day, also sick (and she doesn't enjoy me sick and my mood). She said she was with a (female) friend and even sent the friend’s dog pic. Hours of silence despite saying she's super exited and wanted later updates on the discussions with my family. Called her once, she didn't pick up. Later message phone was on the charger, I called are then. When she finally picked up, her story and location visuals didn’t match (she said she was at the friend and they walked and she could pick up because of that, and when she wanted to show me her outfit she really liked - I picked up that she was coming from the direction of train station, and aparently she just made a large detour). I didn’t snoop this time. My read: she likely saw the older wine guy again. I assume no physical cheating; I do assume another lie. In any case I will directly tell her how I feel about this and see. But I also don't want to appear crazy and weak.
More Context
When I checked the phone A past fling texted her after a year: wanted a date. Her reply: “She is flattered." "logistics would be difficult.” I wasn’t mentioned, and it was also no clear no. To a friend she said the relationship felt “boring” (ok this was while I was injured and not exactly fun). She said multiple times I’m “not the guy she wanted, but the guy she needs.” She’s improved a lot with me (weight loss, depression better). She’s floated that I could seek sex elsewhere - she knows its important for me and doesn't want to deprive me of this because of her low sex drive because of the pill. Affection is inconsistent (“it’s hot,” “I need space” on the couch, etc.). We’re different: she likes travel and novelty; I like building and work. I want crazy sex with my partner - even though I have a hard time going out of myself with her but its something I would wish to develop with her; but she at least doesn't want to have it with me or its the pill.
My thoughts
- I’m not trying to be her parole officer. I don’t require check-ins or permission. I expect my partner to have their own moral compass and want to trust in that; but I get frustrated when I catch lies - especially when I explicitly reassured her that she should not worry to meet her friend whoever they might be, but don't make it something shady by lying about it & make up fake cover stories.
- I did check her phone twice (once with permission, once not). That’s on me. I’m not doing it again. But the pattern I uncovered was real: secret meets + cover stories.
- I’m aware I’ve over-invested (moved in, dog duties, logistics). My attention clearly doesn’t create the same charge as “silver fox” wine guy and especially the fling that message her - I know he intreques her still today in ways aparently I don't. Because she only experience him in the fun moments, but not the boring every day situations.
My goals
I want to become more attractive to her and maybe stop being the convenient provider/roommate. And either get a sexual LTR that actually desires me - or stop LTR’ing someone who lies and doesn’t want sex with me.
What I’m considering
- Move out to end the “roommate/provider” dynamic and restore distance. Keep dating her only if behavior matches words. - But I assume that she would see move out = break up.
- Accept her offer of sexual openness while staying LTR and test if abundance + preselection reignites desire/ (even some for jealously?) - and that I'm worth more than convinience. My experience from the past - I'm just not the guy from the look & lifestyle I have that is directly attractive for woman for such arguments.
- Hard boundary: “One more lie and I’m out.” No threats, just consequence. Then actually walk if it happens.
- Clean breakup now. No drama, no post-mortem.
- Demote LTR to casual (plates). Date other women. She can keep seeing “friends” honestly - no lies, no exclusivity claims.
Question:
- Given the repeated lying + rather dead bedroom, I lean towards accepting the offer of sexual openness, even getting her involved asking for help with the profile and using her "experience"? But I'm not sure if that is really a good idea.
- Or is move out + demote the correct first move to regain frame? Or go straight to breakup?
- If I stay, what exact rules/consequences would you set? (“No lying” is table stakes, but how do you enforce without playing detective?)
- And most importantly: Has anyone successfully converted this dynamic into a high-desire LTR after creating abundance (dating others, preselection, moving out)? What actually worked?
- Any blind spots where I’m still supplicating or chasing validation?
When you're ready to stop being a doormat, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read More