[FR] - I rarely run night game. Night game sucks, it just doesn't work. A lot of women are there just for the ego boosts etc. I'm a day game guy, but I'll try it every 6 or so months only for it not to work.

Went out to a bar for a 90s event last night with a friend. Talking with him we decided to play darts. I offered to play exploding kittens with a couple random tipsy post wall 40 year olds. Had them join us for darts instead to get a vibe going. They were good to warm up socially, but mid way though the game my friend and I left em to dance. They weren't hot and had okay energy.

Friend and I are dancing, I make eye contact with a girl at a table as I walk up and down stairs. Repeat that, and I see her leave so I walk up, say excuse me and hand her my phone as she's about to exit the second door. Her friend says "she's married." Me: "oh shit." I didn't notice a ring, but I just could've missed it.

See cute mid 30s standing near me as I lean on a ledge. I open her with how her outfit matches the 90s theme. Grab her name and age, she's 35. I say she doesn't look older than 26. I catch her later in the night and I re-open. Apparently with my hand gestures she thought I was going for a hug, so we hugged. When I asked for her # she said I'm very sweet and that she's married. I turn her hand over and say "where's the ring?" (in a curious tone). She says she doesn't wear it. I wish her well.

Later in the night I ran into a dude I know. He's with this girl and they're soon to be a thing. At one point she reached over to hold his hand for a couple minutes. BUT she's engaged to a different man, and her fiancée is in Missouri. She said: "left me and is in Missouri." They're still engaged while this dude's making jokes about them fucking soon. Obvious IOIs from her. She said her relationship is complicated and doesn't wear her engagement band.

Total married / engaged women I met that night who don't wear the ring when out: 3

Last week I reopened the lead over text only to get ghosted again. imgur.com/a/mhlsynf

I ran into that ex-lead today in person. Looked up from my phone and she's also looking down but walking directly towards me with a fat looking bi girl. We both say hi, and she asked if I finished a show (my job). Said I did and that I only do shows now. She said she just missed it and her sister was thinking about work. After that line I ended the convo with:

"anyways I gotta run, it was nice seeing you guys." 0 investment from me. I wish I turned on my charismatic energy in that short moment, but I just forgot. I was just so uninterested and uncaring. Either way, I just nexted her.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hynienoq1wa & www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7l2vyqy6so&t=695s

So what's the point of these podcasts that bring on these OF models / online sluts / miami hoes?

It seems like a lot of the dialogue is to prove the hosts superior logic while insulting the ladies. A lot of the ladies aren't aware of ordinal scale stats, descriptive statistics, or even biology.

It's just my impression that a lot of the guys will act more juvenile, and you can visible see those ladies grow uncomfortable as the guys try to provoke them.

This includes Access Vegas (not as much), but also Fresh and Fit. Fresh himself is so chunky looking and doesn't at all resemble a red pill man.

These podcasts are also SO DAMN LONG (Fresh and Fit especially). Are the hosts just there to soak up validation they get from their red pill monkey audience and attack these women?

I'm just wondering what the point of it all is.

@imtranscending

I've just been calculating my odds of having a friendship or growing a connection with those around me and I realize that kind of asshole game has been self-sabotaging.

That's not who I am. I want to radiate positivity, AND be good at game. I've been loosing myself in the process, and now it's time to take many steps back. No need for these game flourishes, just basic basic shit.

Remember that the way you already "naturally" are isn't working for you either. Growing your personality and repertoire of behaviors outside your current patterns always feels contrived and foreign at first. Keep going outside your comfort zone and trying new things and adjusting/calibrating according to results. What feels contrived at first becomes "natural" eventually, and your performance at it improves as you internalize it and don't have to use so much inner attention and processing in the moment.

Earlier today I asked a girl (5-6) from class to walk around with me. She was nervous and shy, but we spoke. I just ran very basic game, and wanted to be connected with someone at least momentarily.

That's good, keep doing this kind of thing ESPECIALLY while you are in college. You won't find a better pool of candidates after your last year of it!

I tried being nicer, but as soon as I got playful, called me and asshole and said "I don't like you." It wasn't a negative inflection (I don't think), but it was not what I wanted to hear in that moment.

This was almost certainly a shit test, not a neg, and you failed it by taking it at face value and socially folding/crumbling rather than maintaining frame. Keep calibrating and trying, this too will get smoother with more iterations and experience.

They're also all so different, blue pilled, and into video games or lack a self-improvement drive (which is important to me). We gotta have something in common.

You can usually find something in common with any group you find yourself jammed together with, usually external and circumstantial. This is the basis and social function of "small talk." Maybe study stand up comedy to up your banter game. Practice and calibrate small talk also, it is a learnable and refinable social skill that will spill over into success in pickup and dating.

It's starting to happen again, the loneliness. I know game works, and I've seen small results despite my poor (often overthought) implementation of it. However in the process of learning I've been losing my sense of self and can feel I'm no longer being authentic. Best and most recent example is of the flirty engaged/not whatever girl. I would keep getting into frequent states of assholey. So when I'm actually joking, it has less meaning.

I was only like that with her, but I realize the kind of game I've been running (w/ her) is a mistake. Sure it got me some texts back, but what was it all for? I knew it wasn't going to work out in that way, but I've also expanded my desires to include some platonic friends. I've just been calculating my odds of having a friendship or growing a connection with those around me and I realize that kind of asshole game has been self-sabotaging.

That's not who I am. I want to radiate positivity, AND be good at game. I've been loosing myself in the process, and now it's time to take many steps back. No need for these game flourishes, just basic basic shit. But here's the problem, I've tried that with other women and haven't had success. Closed several numbers the last week only to be left on read.

98% of the recent girls I've texted have left me on read. I've reached out to that cute Hot Topic blonde again. She asked who it was (got a new phone blah blah), only for me to respond and be left on read/unseen. Now she just responded as I type this out. We'll see where this goes. I'm talking to more and more women to cure scarcity.

I've decided to major in neuroscience and am currently studying (in free time) the neurobiology of human connection.

I've already been implementing the knowledge that I've learned and have been thinking about "brain coupling." It's where the two or more people's brains are literally in sync with simultaneous synapse firing. There's connection (or some) there. Now to implement it. Earlier today I asked a girl (5-6) from class to walk around with me. She was nervous and shy, but we spoke. I just ran very basic game, and wanted to be connected with someone at least momentarily. I didn't number close her on purpose. I'm finding I need to have more patience. I adjusted my game to genuinely understand her. She seemed receptive, was talking and finally starting to hold eye contact (she struggled to do that the first 90%), then I wished her goodbye.

For the neurobiology, I'm trying to see how this functions because I'm slowly getting beat up by my own brain. It feels like the pain centers are swollen, and I can feel myself shutting down. I did a cold approach today on top of that. Then I went to the game room and saw some regulars there plus ms flirty girl. I tried being nicer, but as soon as I got playful, called me and asshole and said "I don't like you." It wasn't a negative inflection (I don't think), but it was not what I wanted to hear in that moment. I was already shut down walking in, and felt more disconnected exiting.

I didn't feel a connection with anyone there, not even her. I didn't feel a connection to the guys. I'm trying to talk to more guys now in hopes of building something, but it seems useless. They're also all so different, blue pilled, and into video games or lack a self-improvement drive (which is important to me). We gotta have something in common.

I know this pain isn't forever, but I wonder how much longer it'll last. It still hurts, but I'm much stronger compared to years ago where I was suicidal. I'm going to continue to find myself as I try to appropriately apply game and stop forcing it. Sometimes the assholery just comes out cause the girls just keep shit testing over and over and over

and over and over and over. I need to not lose touch with myself in this process of learning game. The loneliness hurts, but I can take it. Now more than ever I want to help others. I've been wanting to volunteer for my local crisis hotline and have been reaching out. They're volunteer only, but they seem a little disorganized with the short staffing and recruiting opportunities. The woman who runes volunteering is presumable a volunteer with a real job and a life outside of the help center.

If I can't help myself see results no matter whatever the fuck I do, I at least want to help these lonely callers that dial in. It'll be like me in person giving my attention to others and making them feel great. But as things keep turning out, when I need something, no one is there for me. Left on read, every.. fucking.. time. I know I'm highly capably of helping others, so providing my listening ears to those dialing in would be a plus. At least I'm useful, can't let that talent go to waste.