@adam-l

I think I may be in a similar boat and I attribute the lack of instant infatuation with my new girl to the fact it's my first serious LTR where dope (dope: any dopamine releasing substance) isn't a pillar of our foundation.

My emotional highs in this relationship haven't been artificially inflated by narcotics. While that's kinda lame, the emotional lows have been nowhere close to the downs of my past experiences. Thus far anyways.

I don't think I destroyed my pair bonding abilities (nor you @bozza tho idk your details/past) I just think this is more the pace two healthy individuals are suppose to come together. Tho my girl did assimilate to my lifestyle fairly quickly, still spending a little too much time together for such a fresh couple but that could be logiced out.

Over all I was the healthiest I've ever been entering a committed relationship this go around which means I'm more mission focused, equating to a stronger frame.

Ontop of that I knew better than to get with my ex, ignoring the UN of Red Flags before we started dating, then tolerating inexcusable behavior because she agreed to leaving my side of the relationship open. So fuck it why not?

Being the healthiest I've ever been, focusing on my goals/missions plus "knowing better" with my ex but still doing it anyways are the perfect ingredients for me not falling head over heals over this girl. On paper and through experience, she's the highest quality woman I've committed to but I'd prefer things stay this way. It's overall healthier because I lack the obsessive, unchecked infatuation of past committed relationships.

This is how it should be. Mind you we're only in the ends of our honey moon phase (9 months in).

To the more experienced folks here—can men destroy their pair bonding?

After my breakup, I took months off dating. Didn’t start again until June. Since then, I’ve hooked up with quite a few women.

Went on a date last weekend with a girl introduced through close friends. High school sweethearts type, responsible, birds of a feather.

Usually, I’m a no-fucks-given guy: no sex on first date means next. But this girl was:

• Extremely beautiful
• Vetted by friends I trust
• Potentially a strong personality fit

Got her number. She lives two hours away, which is annoying but doable. She chased me hard for three weeks while our schedules didn’t align, but I basically soft nexted her to see other women. Eventually, we synced up for a date halfway between us.

Date went amazingly. No red flags, gorgeous, strong personality fit, low n-count (based on trust in my friends). She even tried to pay, wouldn’t let me pay for her.

After, she chased even harder, wants to visit me despite the expense. She ticks every box, including the ones my exes did.

And yet... I feel meh. I want to see her, fuck her, spend time with her, show her my city. I’m excited. But unlike past girls, there’s no instant switch flipped in my head.

Is my pair bonding just fucked?