@Kloi

Accept Her Offerings

It dawned on me I fumbled last night with my girl.

Made the comment my nails needed to be cut and filed, she told me to grab the stuff and she'd do it. I just laughed.

Later she said my eyebrows needed to be cleaned up. Told me to go grab tweezers and she'd happily do it for me. At this one I was a little offended.

It wasn't until this morning I realized I dropped the ball and have had an aversion to offers like these in the past. Something about my ego tells me no I shouldn't allow me to do these small little tasks. An aversion to being pampered but why not let her?

She would feel happiness in serving me in these small little ways and I must confess this is the first woman I've let style my hair for an event and it felt quite nice, sitting there, having her comb it out, put in product and style it.

It brought her joy and me comfort and I can't for the life of my e understand why I've always turned down offers of such nature in the past.

It happens, I guess, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised that there's a history behind your discomfort with female gestures of kindness. Something to make a note of to share with a therapist you trust. However, unless your girlfriend's cringing when you come in for a kiss, I doubt she thinks you're ugly. You probably had bad breath, so pop a mint. I'll admit that I'm not daring enough to get either a manicure of a pedicure. I'm just not comfortable with sharp implements being above the palms of my appendages. I'm also not interested in risking an infection just to remove my cuticles.

@TheNewNormal

Secured a good career at 22, how to get in the field?

22 year old here living in SEA, been in monk mode since almost two years now. Did engineering from a top college, now joining a service that will propel me into the top 0.1% of my country in terms of both money and status in society.

The issue is, it wasn't a complete monk mode, it was more of involuntary celibacy and only studying. I am still an underweight guy who started the gym this week (4 days weightlifting, 3 days running), started learning quick chicken recipes etc.

In these two years, I read many posts of TRP but have forgotten them over time. Morevoer, most of them were related to monk mode instead of dating, shit tests, teasing, kino etc. I had two serious relationships but never escalated beyond oral so I am also looking for reading material on bedroom skills.

I have observed on my interaction with women (completely online or on dating apps), that I am able to talk to them on text and they get impressed but I am not able to do anything offline, I kinda give up before I meet them offline probably because of anxiety or because I don't really know what to do in a dating setting. Moreover, I am joining the military so I don't want long term relationship but the moment girls find out about my career, they start pushing for a serious relationship and commitment or maybe they see me as a nice guy to settle down with when I just want to get laid like a warlord before I leave for my training.

So, I am looking for advice on what to read about women psychology, teasing, shit tests, escalating, frame, being better in the bedroom etc. while I am building muscle simultaneously to max out my SMV. I have a printed PDF of the sidebar, should I read it cover to cover? Or should I read some posts or order books like NMMNG, She Comes First, The Rational Male?

There are plenty of #books to read to help educate yourself on the topics you're asking about. Did you gain anything from the ones suggested by us here several months ago? Also, something to consider, while we can suggest plenty of books for others to read, the questions you should ask yourself is do you possess enough prior experience to grasp the information those books may provide and are we making our recommendations out of sincerity, or passive disinterest?

@az01209

GF Seems Strangely Distant

What's up TRP.

For some context, I'm (29M) in a LTR (only one month so far) with my gf (31F). We got into a relationship really fast (I know, don't give me shit), and already tell each other we love each other, etc. Mostly, it is genuine.

In the beginning of the relationship, I asked her what she liked about me and she went on listing things about how I made her feel, e.g. "you take care of me," "you reply fast," "you don't leave me." Knowing what I know, this shit was like knives thrown to the heart. Anyway, it was a red flag because she mentioned close to nothing about what she likes about me as a person, until after I complained about it of course. There were a couple other similar indications of this type of feeling in her, but they were just small things, so I let it slide.

As far as other issues go, she seems strangely selfish for a woman. Some things she will do without thinking of me at all, but perhaps it's a cultural barrier (she's from a SE Asian country). Even during sex, she will grab my hand and press it against her breasts or on her ass, wherever she wants. I'll admit I don't like this, but it's weird to see her being so...selfish? I'm not sure if all these behaviors are related or not.

I've been in love a few times, but I definitely don't feel like this one is 'obsessed' with me, as the other ones were. I'll admit, when I met her I was being a beta boy and I had lost touch with the RP teachings for some time beforehand.

Now, a few days ago, we had a terrible fight (about fighting, or something else very stupid), where she just broke up with me after I told her that she had some qualities I wouldn't want in a wife, and that we needed to work on fixing some stuff, something along those lines. Our fights can get quite bad, and I'll admit that it is mostly from my side. So, she packed up all her stuff from my house and left that day. I couldn't believe it. But then she went posting songs lyrics and stuff on her IG stories, so I texted her the next day to ask if it was really over.

Long story short we got back together, but we still haven't seen each other in person since that day we broke up (a couple days ago). She said she's on her period, and she just wants to rest for a week. Truth be told, she does have more issues with her period (extra painful, messed up hormones) than normal girls, but she says she's afraid that if she comes to see me she will make a bad decision or we will fight more and she can't deal with it right now. She lives about 30-45 minutes away, and she said that if I come drive to her she will see me but if not I have to wait a week.

Now this sets off all kinds of alarms in me. I know when a girl is in love with you she will drive 1,000 miles to see you, period or not. She keeps telling me she doesn't love me less, that she just needs to rest.

But I guess I'm just not buying it. And my intuition is telling me that perhaps it is not me that she loves at all, but rather the way I make her feel. But the other voice in my head comes in and says maybe she's different, and all that.

My question to TRP is: Is my intuition valid? Am I just paranoid? I feel like I am trapped in the beta frame with her, and she does some disrespectful stuff sometimes; minor things like rolling her eyes at me in a certain way, or telling me a flat no when I ask her to do something basic like clean something, but still noticeable to me.

Should I next her? I feel like I love her and that I am fucked.

Honestly, it reads like you two had your chance, gave it a go, but it didn't work out. Her flip-flopping psychotic behavior ending things may pan out to be a blessing in disguise in the least expected way. While I think you should just move on, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you disregard any advice you're given and simply follow-though in getting back together until she loses interest in you again. If that's the path you ultimately take, continue using condoms while having sex, so that when the time comes that she ends things with you, you can just put her on block from your contact points, let the break-up momentum carry you away, and move on with your life.

Beyond that, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@asscondoms

Texting question

I've known this girl for over 20 years but only online. She visited me one time when I was living with my parents in college. During Christmas she reached out and told me that she wished that we fucked when she was there and once I affirmed to her that I would have liked that too we started exchanging some pretty dirty messages back and forth. She then would reach out to me and ask me how my day was going and I made sure each conversation ended on a sexual note. She also told me about some of her problems, which, given that I'm her friend, I allowed her to do. My assumption is that this backfired and she stopped reaching out to me so much by the end of January. We were supposed to fuck in March but she said she is going "on a ski trip" so we scheduled for April. Worth noting that up until yesterday she never discussed dates, just a vague confirmation that we'll hang in March or, later on, April

I reached out in mid February with "hey how's it going, how's x going" type of message but she didn't respond for almost two weeks. She reached out yesterday with a shit test: "been avoiding discord, are you green or blue text" which I defused with a sex joke and then told her to give me her number and to tell me when she's coming to see me in April. She told me she is now going on another trip so April is now out which prompted me to respond irregularly with minimal amounts of words as I realized game was now necessary. This dread seemed to work as she would hit me with multiple lines of text including her number. We then planned out the 3rd attempt (which I don't think is actually going to happen) for June. No sex talk happened

My question is: in between now and then I plan on sending sex themed memes once or twice a week to keep the connection alive and keep it sexual. We've exchanged them before. I've never had to game a chick over text for this long until we supposedly fuck. Thoughts?

Twenty years an online friend? Seriously?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@theBoss

My Sister Wants to End Her Marriage, but She’s Making a Huge Mistake

My sister (37) has been with her husband for almost 10 years. They have four kids and a business together. Out of nowhere, she’s completely shut him out, saying he doesn’t give her attention. She stopped talking to him, barely cares about their kids, and has distanced herself from most of the family except for me, my dad, my mom (kind of), and one of my sisters.

She gets mad whenever my mom tells her she’s making a mistake. Meanwhile, her husband is trying to be patient - he’s apologized, he’s talking with my parents, and he’s doing everything to keep the family together. But she doesn’t seem to care. Today, my mom told me her husband called, saying she wasn’t home and was probably out clubbing with another one of my sisters.

It’s becoming more obvious that someone else is influencing her. She suddenly shut out her husband, distanced herself from her kids, and started going out more, classic signs that there’s another man in the picture. She’s about to throw away her marriage, her family, and everything she built for what? Some cheap attention? She’s 37 – she’s not going to find something better. Most likely, she’s being plated by some guy who sees her as an easy target, feeding her just enough validation to make her feel special while knowing full well he’ll never commit to her.

I haven’t confronted her yet, but I feel like I have to. How do I get through to her? How do I make her see she’s making one of the worst decisions of her life?

I don’t want people telling me to just let her make her own decisions. As her brother and as a man, it doesn’t sit right with me to watch her destroy her life like this.

Reads like her presumed lover and your other sister are strong influences on her, more than anything. The thing about divorce is that it's a form of government sanctioned unrestricted warfare. During this time your mother may do bizarre things to accommodate your divorcing sister, if she believes it will ensure her continued access to her grand-children. If your father's involved, you'll have enough experience to know if he's the sort to defer to his wife on these matters, so keep in mind that moving forward on this will require a cold and calculating mind understanding that the objective isn't to save the marriage. It's not yours to save and never was.

Your objective is to preserve whatever remaining kinship in the midst of a failing marriage you can, so take any advice you receive that doesn't require you directly engage your sister seriously. Unless you are prepared to at least hire a private investigator to shadow your sister to confirm her infidelity, I'd strongly advise you not broadcast your feelings on this matter and keep your mouth shut. Any relative who's got a habit of letting secrets slip or just being an @$$hole has to be kept in the dark about any plans you make.

Your sister may indeed have clearly had a few screws knocked loose courtesy of some extra-marital thunder-cock, but there's little you can do or say which can help screw them back into place short of chad thunder-cock turning your wayward sister down as a monkey branch option. Instead, focus upon being a good brother-in-law and good uncle for your nephews and nieces during this difficult time. If your sister asks for help watching her kids, be available to help. It'll provide you with the opportunity to discretely gather information on her activities. I suggest your first act be to do inner cheek swabs to collect DNA from your nephews and nieces, so you can confirm that your brother-in-law is indeed their sire. As the marriage failure progresses, it maybe later revealed that your sister's been unfaithful for years longer than you may suspect and your brother-in-law will want to have that particular question answered. This will enable you to be ahead of a problem, instead of simply reacting to it. If your parents like to splurge on tech gifts for either of your sisters, make friends with techies who can help you install surveillance software on that tech. Keystroke software on their smartphones and computers alone can be invaluable means through which you can gain insight on their activities.

As for your brother-in-law himself, saving the marriage is his job. For now, suggest that he get himself STD tested, and at least read Dick Hart's "Screw the Bitch: Divorce Tactics for Men" to gauge whether he's ready to begin initial consultations with divorce attorneys in his area, so he is on some level mentally prepared. If he rebukes you and says he's not ready to consider divorce, suggest the following alternative. That he consider investing into a reliable ready reference he can pick up and study to better prepare himself for engaging those of the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you recommend he get himself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. Let your brother-in-law review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what he aspires for himself. To save them a search, give them this scribed link to gander at to find out if The System is something they'd like to add to their library. You should also be able to easily find the digital books on libgen and other websites.

Best of luck to you on this.

@universitythrowaway

How did you know monogamy was not for you?

As the title suggests, every time I enter a relationship—even with a "perfect" girl by RP standards (younger, virgin, cooks, cleans, submissive, affectionate, loves children, shares my beliefs)—I still find myself thinking about being with other women. My girlfriend is 21, and I’m 24.

This happened in my previous relationship as well. I spun plates for a while before committing, but once in a relationship (currently almost 2.5 years), I start thinking about being single again. I’m unsure if this feeling will ever go away. I see mixed opinions—some say they prefer a committed relationship over spinning plates, while others insist they are strictly non-monogamous.

How did you determine whether monogamy was or wasn’t for you?

Did you experience similar thoughts about other women while in a relationship? If so, did you act on them? Did those feelings eventually fade?

I feel torn. I can envision a future where I embrace non-monogamy—only spinning plates or having OLTRs. But I can also see myself settling down and starting a family with my current girlfriend, as she checks all the right boxes. Am I feeling this way due to social conditioning, or is monogamy simply unnatural for men, as history and nature seem to suggest?

I’d love to hear your experiences and insights on how you figured it out.

Those are some deep questions. Unfortunately, we came to our conclusions regarding our interest/disinterest in monogamy differently and you'll have to figure that out for yourself. If instinct is telling you to keep riding the dragon, be responsible about it, and use contraceptives when doing so.

If you don't feel yourself ready for exclusivity in a relationship, or monogamy, at this point in your life, then don't pretend for the sake of pleasing others. Make sure the females you get involved with understand that you're not interested in being exclusive from the start and let them know they're free to keep dating other guys who might. Be prepared for the females who will take that as a challenge, because they're going to be the ones who create problems for themselves with you.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.